June Board Survey & Update

Good morning all, We are now at or approaching the 10 month mark in our journey. I thought I'd give a post about where I'm at both physically and emotionally. Physically I'm at 157 lbs (according to the doctor's scale, 152 on mine). That puts me at 83-88 lbs depending on which scale I want to go by. Emotionally I'm struggling a bit. I think I'm at the first "real" plateau since the journey began. I have not lost any weight, and I don't believe any inches since the 1st week in March. I am feeling a bit discouraged by this, but try my hardest to remember that I've never lost 88 lbs in 9 months in my life. People around me tell me how great I look, but I still see such an overweight person when I look in the mirror (especially naked). Maybe it's all the skin I have. I'm struggling a bit accepting myself where I am. I hope this doesn't last for long. I want to be happy with myself, even if this is where I stop (which I sure hope it isn't). I've been exercising more in the last month, when the weather permits, and have even gotten out the bike a few times. Exercise really makes me feel good. Food wise, I think I'm struggling a bit in this area also. I have tried to go back to three meals a day and have been experiencing horrible dumping again. I can eat about 3/4 C of food (maximum) at a time and when I do I dump. I don't eat sugar of any kind and eat no bread or pasta. I do eat veggies and will eat some berries when they are available. I don't fry my food and use very little fat. These are all choices I have made (with the exception of sugar which makes me dump) to live a healthy lifestyle. At any rate, if I try to eat the three meals and try to eat closer to a cup of food I will start having a racing heart before I'm even done eating. This morning for instance I had about 1 oz of cheese curd with my 1/4 cup carb control yogurt and 1/4 c grape nuts. Within 15 minuts after I ate breakfast I started getting cramps, went to the bathroom, had palpitations and sweating and felt really aweful. I immediately laid down and slept for over an hour. I'm feeling better now, but not looking forward to eating again. I guess that I just have to eat those small meals instead, I do much better with them, but I just feel like I'm eating all the time. Frustrating to say the least. Would I do this again, you bet I would. This has been a major lifechanging event for me, and my health is so much better now. I guess that even at nearly 10 months out it's a learning game. So here's my questions to all: Are you happy with your weight loss so far? If no, why? Have you learned to embrace your changing body and accept it where it is? Have you had any major (or minor) struggles with your old eating habits? If yes, what are they and how are you trying to change them? Are you exercising regularily? If yes, what are you doing? If no, are you planning on starting a program? How has this surgery and weightloss affected your relationships with friends, family, co-workers? I know these are thought provoking questions, but it might not be a bad idea for all of us to do a little emotional checkup. What do think? Thanks to all for being there for me during this journey. Love, Debra 240/157-157/Whereever I'm supposed to be

Are you happy with your weight loss so far? If no, why? Yes, I have lost a 101 lbs so far and before surgery that would have never happened. I am so thankful for having WLS. Have you learned to embrace your changing body and accept it where it is? I would have to say some days yes and some days no. Right now, if I was to never loose another pound, I am fine with that. I am a lot healthier and happier and have so much more energy than I did at this time last year. Have you had any major (or minor) struggles with your old eating habits? If yes, what are they and how are you trying to change them? Yes, everyday. I have found that I am an emotional eater and love sweets (I do not dump). I find that if I am going to eat, I have to ask myself, are you really hungry. If the answer is no, then I go for a walk or go somewhere away from the food and grab a bottle of water. That has been helping me a lot lately. I do struggle with this daily and know that it is going to be a life long battle for me. Are you exercising regularily? If yes, what are you doing? If no, are you planning on starting a program? Yes, I do exercise regularly. Every morning before the family wakes, I walk to Walking Away the Pounds and then if I have time to get to the gym I go the gym too. Now that the weather is getting nicer too, I walk at lunch time. How has this surgery and weightloss affected your relationships with friends, family, co-workers? Thats a really good question. I have family members that are jealous but for the most part they support me 100%. Friends, I have lost a few. The ones that I really thought were my friends, no longer speak to me. I think that is because I was always larger than them and gave them securtiy about theirself. Now that is not happening and they cannot find it in themselves to see the weight is not the issue here. I know these are thought provoking questions, but it might not be a bad idea for all of us to do a little emotional checkup. What do think? I think this is a wonderful idea. Great questions! It really gives us a chance to look inside ourselves, not just the outside!

Hi Shelly, Thanks for sharing. I know it's sometimes hard to go inside of ourselves but this is a journey that we must be on every moment of our lives now, and it's good to sometimes just stop and realize how far we have come. You are doing AWESOME! Debra

Are you happy with your weight loss so far? Yes. If no, why? Have you learned to embrace your changing body and accept it where it is? No, I have a long way to go. I was use to the heavier me. Fuller breasts, butt, legs, hips..I hated my stomach, and I still hate it. It is still the biggest thing on me, though much smaller than it was. I still have about another 120 lbs to lose, and with as much as I have sagging already. I figure I will look a hot mess by the time this is all done. And from what I've heard, my insurance doesn't pay for plastics. And I definitely won't be able to afford them (I hate women who use sugar daddies...but I sure could use one) I am however very happy that my thinner face is back. Have you had any major (or minor) struggles with your old eating habits? If yes, what are they and how are you trying to change them? Major since back to work, struggling w/ sugar and carbs. I am trying to come on here more, to remind me of where I am and where I need to go. Are you exercising regularily? I was, doctor has me banned from this right now. If yes, what are you doing? I was going to the gym about 4 days a week. doing 45 mins on elliptical, 30 mins weights, 35-40 mins swimming. If no, are you planning on starting a program? yea, once the doctor says I can. But I'll be starting from scratch again, as I'll have to work my way back up. How has this surgery and weightloss affected your relationships with friends, family, co-workers? Hmmm, touchy one. I've noticed many co-workers treat me better. This almost ****** me off cuz it is like I wasn't worthy of this when I was larger. It was that they treated me "bad" before, but it is much different now, and is friendlier, more interested, and overall a better response from them. Most of my friends are the same, a few treat me better, a few I can see the jealousy in them. I am no longer the fattest one anymore. My family is the same. My babygirl is especially excited about my weight loss, but she was the most supportive to start with. My oldest girl is disinterested and sometimes will say I look "skinny" but not really in a good way. I know these are thought provoking questions, but it might not be a bad idea for all of us to do a little emotional checkup. What do think? Good idea. Over all I am happy I had the surgery. I would do it again in a second. It is more obvious the more weight I lose, that the same issues that were there before, are still here. I can remember as I get smaller having the same feelings at this size, that I have now. In a way, I've gained some insecurity from losing weight. I had become secure at my heavier weight. I thought I was beautiful and knew what to expect. Now, I'm somewhat in the norm... and I don't know what is yet to come. I always told people that I was much more insecure when I was smaller, and this is still holding true. I have to wonder once I get past this and get to "thin or skinny" if I'll have more confidence, or less. My same food issues, are coming back..sugar, carbs, chocolate.... one has to wonder if you are not sabotaging yourself at times, to not have to deal with the change. However, I beat it before, I can beat it again. Funny, no one seems to care when I "cheat" ( I mean folks just around me)...except for one guy at work..whose sis in law had the surgery, so he knows a lot about it. I'm glad they aren't mean to me, and don't really want attention..but it makes one wonder. Truly showing, you can only depend on you to keep strong and dedicated, as it should be. If you can't depend on yourself to love yourself, who else will (well maybe you guys). By the way..congrats to everyone that is at goal!

Dear Kelli Jo, Thanks for responding. I do believe the further out we get from surgery, the more we need a good reality check with one another. I think by the response to this we are all dealing with a lot of the same issues. It's good know we are not alone in this journey, and that we have a wonderful, safe place for support. Thanks for all your insight, Debra

I am not happy with my weight loss! OK I am happy, but unsatisfied that I am not at goal yet! I want it all gone NOW!!! LOL! I hate the way I look more now than when I was big. I have days I like myself , but mostly I feel like a fat cow with wings. I hope that goes away over time, but counseling should help. I still have bad days. I don't eat like I should some days. I feel like a creep when I cheat and still lose weight, I feel like it justifies my eating things I shouldn't. I am going to be walking everyday soon, when I can make myself not afraid of the outside world. I took a big step with my hubby and joined a dance class. We do it together so I don't feel so scared. It is good excersize. My family is really fine with it. They loved me the way I was and love me now. People outside treat me differently. Much nicer. It makes me mad and confused at times. But I guess it is good. I am scared of people so I don't really have friends except for you guys. Most of the friendships I had in the past were bad or went bad because people were embarrassed by my weight. I would do this again in a heartbeat. It is bringing out things that were buried under all the fat layers. I am healthier and I am grateful for that. I can enjoy my life more and I think I am learning to become an emotionally healthy individual. Wendy 392/245/180?

You are doing great. And like you, I'd love to be at goal now. But it will come in time. I do understand the being treated differently by the outside world. Makes us step back and think doesn't it. I'm sorry you don't have a lot of friends outside of us, but you know you can count on all of us ! keep up the great work, you will see goal in no time. Your friend, Deb

You are doing great. And like you, I'd love to be at goal now. But it will come in time. I do understand the being treated differently by the outside world. Makes us step back and think doesn't it. I'm sorry you don't have a lot of friends outside of us, but you know you can count on all of us ! keep up the great work, you will see goal in no time. Your friend, Deb

Congratulation Debra you have done great. Great questions I will see how I do with them. Here goes Are you happy with your weight loss so far? Yes, Yes, Yes, I have lost 123 lbs and I feel great. Do I wish that I was at goal, Yes. But I think that for years of being uhappy with myself I am having a hard time being satisfied with the person that I am now. It is almost as if I spent so much time obsessing about my weight that I still need something to obsess about, will I make it to goal?, have I lost enough?, am I eating to much?, am I done losing? the talking inside my head goes on and on and on...... Oh well I know that I am a thousand times happier now then I was then. So back to my original answer, yes, yes, yes. If no, why? Have you learned to embrace your changing body and accept it where it is? Yes, for the most part, but(there is always a but isnt there) I am suprised at how much my saggy skin on my legs bothers me and I hate the fact that I have no breasts now. One of my daycare moms has told me several times "you have no boobies left" yes, Trish, thanks for pointing that out. But I do love that my body can do so many things now that it couldnt and it doesnt ache anymore and it looks really good in clothes. But I would really like a boob job. Have you had any major (or minor) struggles with your old eating habits? If yes, what are they and how are you trying to change them? Yes, I have a daycare in my home and I had gotten into the habit of taking a bite or two or three of whatever snack or lunch I was serving and I realized that I am probably taking an extra couple hundred calories a day just in unconcious eating. So I have made a real effort to stop that. Its hard, but I figure if I dont stop it now I will pay for it later. Are you exercising regularily? If yes, what are you doing? Yes, I walk two miles M-F with my neighbor at 6am(ouch) but I have found if I dont do it in the morning before work then I wont get it done. How has this surgery and weightloss affected your relationships with friends, family, co-workers? My husband love the changes, he is so sweet, before my surgery he said"I am not sure if I will like to have you thin, I love you the way you are" but as the pounds have come off and I am more agile...smile. he has been very pleased. My sister has been very supportive but as my weight has dropped I have felt more uncomfortable in talking to her about it. Her and I have always been very similar in size and in weight loss stuggles and I think that it must be hard to have me be so much smaller even though she would never say so. Thanks for asking, it made me think LYnn

Are you happy with your weight loss so far? If no, why? Yes, I have lost 104 lb. and although I've plateaued at 159 lb. for the last month, I know I am not done losing. Even if I was done, I look good in my clothes, better than I did the last time I weighed this much for some reason??? Have you learned to embrace your changing body and accept it where it is? Yes, I am so pleased with my new shape. It is far from perfect without clothes but I look good in clothes and I don't think I have felt that way in many years. This is awesome! Have you had any major (or minor) struggles with your old eating habits? If yes, what are they and how are you trying to change them? Yes, I eat too fast and I crave food in the evening... Are you exercising regularily? If yes, what are you doing? Yes, I walk 20 to 50 minutes a day and do squats, lunges, free weights, core exercises and sit ups 3-4 times a week for 30 minutes If no, are you planning on starting a program? How has this surgery and weightloss affected your relationships with friends, family, co-workers? Everyone in my life has been very supportive and wonderful. Only a couple of people have been weird ("you don't look like you've lost that much weight"). Good idea Deb!! Jo