A WOW or a WAKE UP CALL?

Kerri, So much of what you say is true for me as well. I never realized how big I was. I always felt smaller in my mind and spirit - but then I would see a picture of myself and would be humiliated. I think I still have some distorted view of myself in pictures. I can see that there's a difference between the before and after - but it's wierd. I identify with the woman in the before picture but not the one in the after picture. It's like my brain has been trained to accept that the bigger one is who i really am - not the smaller person i always felt like i was. I guess that's why this whole experience was so freaky. I really was freaked out - chills, tears, shock - the works. It was like the same reaction (except in a good way) that i had when I first saw this picture of myself in a hawaiin shirt at a party. I remember i thought i looked pretty good when I left for the party that day and I was full of confidence and had fun. THEN i saw the pictures and just wanted to HIDE myself forever. I couldn't believe how big and fat and ridiculous i looked AND no one ever told me! There was a picture of me with a mouth full of food, a plate full of food, in my hawaiin shirt, azz hanging off both sides of the chair and out the back of the chair, thighs everywhere and GINORMOUS arms and face. I saw a stranger in those pictures and i saw a stranger in the mirror. I think my brain is just confused! I finally accepted what I saw in the picture....and now this!! I'll take this kind of shock over that hawaiin shirt picture shock anyday. I think I'm just gonna keep on focusing on being healthy and eating right and taking my vitamins. I finally realized today that we may initially lose BELOW our goals for a short time before our bodies recover and settle at a more normal weight. I can handle that. Pam

Well Pam, this has gotten me thinking. I haven't even been out shopping yet, so this new sizing thing is very interesting! (I'm a nurse so we just wear uniforms that our employer buys! I'm a medium top and a small bottom. Who can tell 2,4, or 6 from those generic sizes???) I will say this tho, 8 years ago I wore size 5 and 7 Levis and Bongo jeans. I still have them, and can fit into the 7's in my legs and butt, but there's still too much blubber at the tummy to zip them. Once I get my hip replacement (this Friday) and can walk around stores again, it'll be interesting to see what a size 7 is like now. Maybe you guys are right---with the population getting more and more obese, the sizes really have changed----even in just 8 years! I also am having trouble with image. I was small all my life until 8 years ago (5'3" and 107), but if I would get down to 101 I was skinny and did not look good. When I look in the mirror now (at 135) I think I look too thin, but how can that be when I'm still 135??? Moreover, how can I be fitting in my old size 7's when I'm not 107??? Very weird. But my clavicle and shoulder bones stick out and my legs are very thin. They call me chicken legs at work (when I wore tight leggings one day). I have NO IDEA what I really look like. At work they're all telling me I'm getting too thin, etc. etc., but everyone there is very overweight and they were jealous of me having the surgery in the first place, and even more so when they saw me lose the weight. It made me so mad that I won't tell them how bat-wingy my arms are and how droopy my boobs are. My muscle tone in my legs is still there from all the years of being thin and fit, except for a bit in my tummy. In leggings and tight shirts I look like I'm firm and tight. They all told me I would have sagging skin and a drawn face and I don't, so now they're even more jealous. It's so sad and it makes me angry if I let it get to me sometimes. Oh boy, I'm just rambling here. But I understand what you mean with the image thing. It's too bad we can't step outside of ourselves and see us thru the eyes of a stranger, a stranger who has no motive or underlying thoughts. I'm starting to have actual dreams of all the plastic surgery I want to have. It's like I'm bent on fixing everything, now that the weight is off. I can see that I could very easily become obsessed with wanting to be perfect. Sorry for the rambling, you just really struck a cord with me. Sharon

Sharon, You need to go try on some clothes and find out what size you wear That would drive me nuts not knowing! I'm tellin' ya - the sizes have changed. I swear. I wore a 9/10 in high school and was smaller than I am now. So it makes no sense at all to me. The whole experience has me thinking and trying to figure myself out. If you find that perfect stranger - send em my way for another evaluation! Good luck on your hip replacement Friday. I hope everything goes perfectly and you heal quick and have no pain or problems. Hugs, Pam

If your blood work is coming back ok... you are happy with the way you look then it is a WOW moment. Well ok it is a wow moment either way you put it. I can only imagine the emotions... talk about the tables turning. There used to be a store called 5 7 9 in the malls. they specialize in small sizes they go clear to 0 and 00. I didn't know such things exist. But i got the overeating prblem .. my sister chose not to eat. So i know this stuff. I remember many a shopiing spree with her trying to figure out what size my thigh would fit into.

WELL PAM! its a WOW...... THANK you for shareing this lovely event.....that is something to reflect on. FIRST we didnt fit in any clothes in a store and now being to small to find what you need. EITHER way this is awesome (((HUG)))) lisa

Thanks, Lisa. I knew I could count on my junebugs to understand where I'm coming from with the whole mental challenge of this and NOT throw stones at me over the size. It really is alot to reflect on. Maybe this is just part of the healing process. Hugs, Pam

Pam, I would say it's a wow moment (since I've never been a size 4)..as for if you are "too skinny" that would depend on your height, build etc. At some point I guess you could get there, but only you and your doctor can be the judge of that. How WOW is it though to go to a store and not find something cuz nothing is small enough. Man, that is awesome. Job well done!

Thanks, Kelli! I do have a small frame and I'm 5'5" so for now, I think it's okay - just a wierd freaky moment. Really got me thinking. At first it was WOW, then it got kind of scarey....like 'does this mean i am not normal?' It definitely was IRONIC!! Hugs, Pam

Pam, I can't even imagine being that thin. I think you had a great moment. My advice to your concern about becoming too thin, is to talk with your doctor about what is a healthy weight for you and stick with that. Excersize and toning, might change anything else you don't like along with the PS. So relax and talk to the doc, and enjoy the ride! Wendy

Thanks, Wendy. You know it dawned on me today... My surgeon told me to stop losing back at 160 and told me to add more snacks to my day. I thought he was flippin CRAZY! - I would have still been in the overweight category!! But I think I get it now. He probably knows that we lose more than we need to at first, and then our bodies put a little back on and balance out. So I'm not going to panic just yet. I know I'm eating. I'm eating a lot more and more often. This will balance out. I *think* I'll know when it's time to really panic - I think. If not, I'm gonna count on my junebugs to SLAP me when I need it. I promise to always be honest, even if i screw up. It's the only way we can really help each other or learn from each other, ya know? Hugs, Pam