WANTED TO SHARE WITH YOU....

i posted on the main board last night, about something i am very afraid of. i wanted to share with you guys... "ok guys, this is really taking a lot to post about this. but i don't want to get sick and i don't want to be unhealthy. i think i have a problem with laxatives. i really, truly have had a problem with going to the bathroom since surgery. when i didn't take anything or even when i was taking colace everyday, i would go 5-7 days without a bm. but now i find that i am trying everything to go. i have been drinking 2 cups of smooth move tea every night for the past 2 weeks or so. then the past 3 nights, in addition to my 2 cups of tea, i alos added a dose of MOM. this morning i felt i didn't go "enough", so i did an enema. i really felt "backed up", but even with the enema, there was no BM. so tonight i went and bought the fleet phospho-soda and took the laxative dose for that. i am sitting here, thinking about making my tea. i am getting scared that i am making this all in my head. like maybe i don't need to go, but i feel like i do. i don't know guys, help me out. years ago, i abused laxatives, so i know it is not healthy. i just don't know how to make myself stop." i WILL call the dr today, but wanted to share with you guys because this is a very scary thing. i just want to be healthy, not have health problems from over-using laxatives. love you all! hugs~mary jo

Hi Sweetie, I was bulemic in the late 1980's and went through many months of treatment... From that experience, I have to say, I think you are right, that you may need help with this. You are a sweet, dear person, and if I am not overstepping any boundaries here (?) sooooo not satisfied with yourself and your weight loss. This is true for all of us, I know. But, combined with the laxatives, I have been concerned when I read your posts before. I really do recommend that you seek help. You don't want to go from one unhealthy road to another. You've come too far. And Mary Jo, you DO look so wonderful. But remember, your self esteem comes from the outside in, not from the outside so don't look at your body to feel good, look inside of yourself first. I am sending you lots of prayers, good luck and love on your journey. Please know I write this because I care and I think you are wonderful. Hugs, Jo

thank you for your post, jo. you are right, although i know losing 100 lbs is great and weighing 121 lbs is great...i just don't feel great. i guess i really need to talk to someone about things. no matter how many compliments i hear at work or from family, it just doesn't sink in i guess. thank you for your prayers and support. i think you are wonderful, too! love ya and thanks for caring, it means so much! hugsssssss

Mary jo, Hun I don't know much about this but I do know that you do need to speak to someone that knows about this and how to beat this, which is easier said then done. Please know we are all here for you!!! I do have to admit that when I "go" and see sucess it makes me feel like I am losing still and when I don't go (like today) I feel SOOOO FAT! I will have to watch this myself because I can see how easy it would be to fall into the laxative fix. You have my number hun, call when every you want... ~hugs~ Debra P

(((deb)))) yes it is very easy to fall into the laxative fix! and i thought i was stronger than this. when i began trying different things, my mom was very worried about me because of my using them years ago. i do believe that i was trying to get myself to be regular, but now i find it is becoming a problem. it's weird, i feel like the laxatives are my "drug". i fought and fought with myself not to make that dang tea last night! i made a cup. but then it says to cover for 10 minutes, i guess so the tea bag has time to soak or whatever, and i ended up falling asleep. so i never drank it, but i WANTED it. when i saw the mug on the counter this morning, i was actually made at myself for falling asleep. how dumb can i be for doing this??? anyways, thanks so much, i am proud to call you guys my family! hugsssssss

Mary Jo, I just wanted to tell you that you will be in my thoughts and prayers. I think that you are doing the right thing by seeking help. YOu have done such an awesome job in losing weight and you should be proud of yourself. You are a strong woman. YOu made the choice to have this surgery which wasnt an easy choice. You are a single mom and work hard for your kids. I have confidence in you. You are awesome. Have a great weekend do something fun with the kids. By the way, whatever happened with the job? Lynn

thank you, lynn. i DID make the choice to have this surgery and i chose it to try to be healthy. i just don't feel very strong right now, ya know? well, i didn't get the job i applied for. i took my sick week from work this week, figuring i would be getting fired anyways. but someone at work told me they heard no one is getting fired this month. i guess that's good. but part of me was hoping for unemployment so i could be home with the kids for spring break! hugsssssssss

Mary Jo, Let me ask you a couple questions. Are you still having bowel trouble from the surgery? Or do you not know because of the laxative use? Are you going to the bathroom everyday from using them or having diarrhea or anything? If you are truly having a physical problem, the doctor is definitely the answer. If it is over use from fear of regaining the weight you need to go into therapy for awhile. I am in therapy now. I will share something with you since you have been so brave, since surgery, I have learned how to throw up on demand. It scared me, because I caught myself doing it out of guilt for eating the wrong thing every now and then. I realized what was happening early and I am in therapy and working things out about that and alot of other stuff. We were not emotionally healthy individuals before surgery. Let's be honest, none of us or we would not have abused food the way we did. It is not a miracle cure for our heads, surgery, but it sure has been an eye opener and maybe with help and support we can get over these issues. I think it is all about control. We can't control anything else in our lives, but what goes in or comes out. I think we need to learn that someone else is in control (in my opinion it's God) and we have to let go. If you need anything, I am here. Wendy

((((wendy)))) thank you so much for sharing. you really made me feel like i am not alone! to answer your questions, i still feel like i am having bowel trouble from the surgery. even with the laxatives, IF i go, it is just very loose. my stomach hurts like i have to go, but nothing. i think the last time i had a healthy solid BM was probably around 3 weeks ago. anything since then has been either liquidy or real loose. i am glad you started therapy and from hearing your story, i think i should, too. i have found myself eating something i probably shouldn't, while thinking to myself "i am going to *hit it out anyways". strange thing is, it is not even like i have been losing weight anymore. i have been 121-123 for the past 2 1/2 weeks. so what am i even getting out of this??? i think you are right about the control issue. lord nows i have been stressing out about my job situation and being behind on bills. every week is the same thing. i got paid yesterday and after paying out and filling my gas tank, i have $29 left for the week. and my daughter's birthday is thursday, can't do anything for her....YES, i feel like i have no control over a lot of things right now. i appreciate you being so open and honest. you don't know how you made me feel. love ya!!!!

Glad you shared. Ya know, you do need to speak with the doc, cuz if you did all that and didn't go or still felt bloated, then you may have something wrong. My angelette did, she had an obstruction. I am usually regular, but I went a few weeks w/ constipation. I really think the Devrom brought it on. I did some research online and found some others that said it did the same thing to them. So I stopped taking it. But I was still constipated. It took a couple of days of MOM before I went, but like you I didn't feel like I went enough. So, I kinda gave up, and was worried cuz I am never constipated. I always go daily. Nway, I was stressed this week over some things, and had shot of Jack Daniels the other night (disclaimer: this is not a known remedy for constipation) and the next day I went and went and went. The first time I went I lost 2 lbs. Yep, 2 lbs of poop. Talk about being full of sh--. Ever since, I'm back to going daily. It was like I had to get unclogged or something. I don't drink much, but I am glad I had that drink that night. All that said, after you get all unclogged, if you continue w/ the laxatives just to do it...then yea, you may have a problem. You know you better than us. I hope it all works out and we are here for you.