Old patterns...

I can remember saying I was not an emotional eater. Ever. But that I just loved chocolate, sweets, carbs. Well, before this surgery, I kicked that habit, and did well until I came back to work. I've been struggling ever since. What I have found is when I am extremely distraught...I don't eat, at all (such as the first months after Katrina...whereas most of my friends gained weight). However, when I am stressed, I go right back to those bad habits, that I thought were not brought on by emotions. Eating the junk again. I dunno, is it just me? Or did anyone else discover that perhaps they were an emotional eater after the fact?

I've always been an emotional eater. It is a difficult thing to overcome. Whenever I was depressed about something, it was like I was eating to commit suicide or something. I was out of control. I still find myself looking for or thinking about what I can eat if I get upset. But now, I try to find something else to do. I fidget when I get upset now. I can't sit still. I have to find something to do. Write, type, chat, surf the net, clean the house, get OUT of the house, go to the gym, go walk at the park, drive with the music cranked up - something. I refuse to go back to gorging. Having said all that though.... I did do something stupid - I picked up smoking again. I think it's the hand to mouth interaction - I don't know. But I have to quit again anyway for plastics....so I'm tossing them this weekend. Wish me luck with that! Are you not happy at work or with the work that you do? That boredom or anxiety could be what's making you suddenly start it back up. I hope you are able to get a handle on it soon. We've come so far - YOU have come so far. Letting that stuff back into our lives could really do some damage to all that hard work. Hang in there! I've heard some people say that it helped them to talk to a psychologist about it. Hugs, Pam

You know, the psych. I saw before surgery offered to see me after if I needed ( I was so upset over my mom's death still). I'll have to see if our new insurance pays for it, like the old did, it was just a co-pay. I have found out that my doc is offering support groups weekly now, so I may look into those if I can find the time. Right now I'm still at work. I like my job, but with Katrina we have a 3rd of the staff, yet we are expected to pick up the slack for all of that. It is really impossible, and the phones ring like crazy. Even on lunch, we sit and cringe at the sound of them. Most people at our job have been ill as well since we've been back. I mean some very serious illness. My doctor believes it is from the mold that is more than likely still here. But the ones that have had heart trouble, blood pressure trouble, etc... are the older ones that can't take the pressure I guess. I think it is just the whole of the Katrina aftermath. Most people working elswhere are going thru the same thing we are going thru at work, having to pick up the slack for lack of employees. Then you go home to dealing with more stuff from the aftermath of Katrina. Life is just different. But, also, everyone here always has junk. There is a huge candy dish that sits on the front desk. Which I have to pass each time I go to the bathroom. People walk around giving out stuff. And I try to bring my lunch and eat in, but sometimes you just want to eat out and escape. Actually, I do pretty good eating out, probably better than sitting around the table where everyone is sharing. It all comes down to will power I'm sure. But the job is also just much harder, with the extra workload. And right now my doctor doesn't want me working out, cuz I've been ill. I use to do that pretty regularly. I am determined to get over this though, especially since I see the root of it. And most times, it's not like I really enjoy the candy or carbs. I've done it before, I know I can do it again...it's just finding that same strength I had before. You are so right, we are worth the effort, in not ruining what we have already accomplished. I sure hope things work out for you with the smoking. Sometimes people don't understand that addiction either, but my mom smoked, and I know it was like she just could not give it up, although she had for 25 years before she started again. Good luck!

You know, I wonder.... it sounds like so many people around you are suffering from emotional eating. So many around you are suffering the after effects of Katrina (along with you) - that could explain the abundance of that type of junk being all around. It's like, when you see a child down in the dumps, you want to give them something to cheer them up. (I'm guilty of this) Often times, we try to do it with sweets....or "rewards" like sugary or carby stuff. I just caught myself doing this tonight. My six year old was crying his eyes out because he got in trouble with daddy for going over to the neighbors house with out asking. I couldn't take his crying anymore, so I sat down with him and hugged him and told him how we didn't want our baby to get lost - that's why we have to know where he is and I cuddled him and I gave him a chocolate covered pretzel rod - which had him smiling in a heartbeat. Do you see the resemblence? See pain - fix it with feel good food. I think that is what is going on. Oh, the mold. Mold is serious business. I lived in a house that had black mold growing in the basement and my whole family was constantly sick. We were always scrubbing and bleaching the walls and floors to tame it. Our whole family has been so much better after moving out of there. There's probably not much you can do about it out there. I hope things get better out there soon. I hope you are feeling better soon too. Hugs, Pam

You are so right. That is probably what we are all doing. And in New Orleans, food is such a big part of our lives anyway. I never thought about that. Yea, even if the building we are in didn't have mold. Just the mold in the air is still really bad. It is always on the news how people with allergies and asthma will continue to have trouble in the city. Most of the locals have allergies, so... whatcha gonna do. Thanks Pam!

Hi Kelly Jo~ I have always known I was an emotional eater~ whether happy, sad, in celebration, etc. Also, I'm a boredom eater. I have definitely started to deal with "What do I do now that I'm stressed since I'm not supposed to eat anymore?" I have tried to keep occupied, even dancing at school when I was stressed out with my students. Having an ipod, or some form of music with headphones has helped me out tremendously. I find that it also helps if I'm taking my emotions out elsewhere, such as on a racquetball. I swear that game has saved me this year! It's very cathartic to go out and pound on something! In addition to the support group meetings from my surgeon, which are about an hour from me so I only go about once a month, I have joined a food addiction group at my church. There's a couple of people there who have had the surgery, and have gained some of it back. I just knew that I needed to address the head issues as much as I needed to deal with the weight issue. Although I am frustrated that I still have so far to go (26 lbs. to my surgeon's goal, 56 to my goal), I know that I am using my tool properly. I'm not endulging in sweets or high carbs. I'm taking my vitamins, etc., and I'm exercising more than anytime in my life! The weight will come off when it comes off. I have to fight that sweet/carb demon all of the time. But my stress is so minor in comparison!! You have gone through so much, both personally with the surgery, and professionally. Hang in there. You will okay. Try to find something different that you enjoy doing when those adrenaline rushes come from the stress. You're so not alone with this issue. I don't know if this will help, but I have found some protein chips from Kays Naturals that I now use instead of junk food. Our OH convention had them there and I love them. Let me know if you want the link. Hugs, Kerri

Kerri, I'd like the link for the chips too. Thanks! Dawn

Hi Dawn, It's good to see ya!! The link for the chips is www.kaysnaturals.com I love their cinnamon toast pretzel sticks and the white cheddar cruncheez. The chipotle gold (I think) was good but very spicy. I wouldn't eat these every day, but they're high in protein, fairly low in sugar, and not too many calories. Everyone can evaluate for themselves if it's right for them or not. These have saved me from eating any type of potato chip or tortilla chips, though. Hugs, Kerri

Kerri, thanks. Everything you have said is so on point. How you feel now is how I was feeling before I came back to work, and I just gotta get back there. I really miss working out, and now my doctor doesn't want me to do it at all for another few weeks. I love the idea of the music. I don't know why I've never thought of bringing my head phones to work. Atleast I could tune out at lunch, if I can't while working. I'm also gonna try those chips. Sometimes I think that thing about oral fixation is true too, where ya just want to be chewing. Atleast I could be chewing protein. I did do better today. Although I did eat some candy, I didn't fini**** I threw it away. From what I see, my biggest emotion for eating is stress... had no clue before. Or maybe I was just in denial. Thanks again.