Losing friends as I'm losing weight...

Have any of you started experiencing this? My office is full of overweight and fat women---I of course was one of them 6 months ago. Now, I'm finding a change of attitude in many of them toward me. I've lost 77 pounds (226 to 149) and although I have about 30 pounds to go, I have lost my "fat" look. I never realized how much of the office conversation revolved around dieting and wishing we were thin and how disgusted we were with ourselves for pigging out the night before, etc. etc. They can't talk with me about any of that now. Gradually I've watched the isolation happen. The thinner I get the more jealousy I see around me. And it's even worse because I paid cash for my surgery (my father gave me the money). I hear the litte remarks: "Well not everyone has a father with $25,000 laying around... WE have to lose our weight the old fashioned way!" (Mind you, I would have been happy to do that if I didn't need a hip replacement for a bone-on-bone hip that has nearly handicapped me and prevented me from exercising, which is how the weight packed on in the first place). They already know that but it doesn't seem to make any difference. I'm thin and they're not. That's all they see. I'm just glad I won't be returning to that office after my hip replacement in March. I try to understand how I might feel in their position but it still hurts. They really do feel like I took the easy way out, even tho I have told them there is nothing easy about this procedure or its aftermath. I wouldn't have had it done in a million years if I could have lost the weight the "old fashioned" way. I have one overweight friend, a true friend at the office, who is my cheerleader. She is so happy for me and wishes me the best. She tells me some of the things she overhears when I ask (WHY do I ask????). Like: "Oh she'll just gain the weight back as soon as she loses it all" (I guess they'll be disappointed if I don't, huh...), or "Her skin is probably hanging off of her" (It's not---I wasn't heavy enough for long enough to have that unfortunate side effect). It's just so sad to think my own friends are reacting this way. They see me limping around the office on my bad hip and still they can't be happy for me to be working toward this hip replacement that's going to give me my life back. Oh well, I'M happy and that's what counts. And I've got all of you to share with. Thanks for letting me share this. I'd love to hear from anyone going thru the same thing. Sharon

First off..CONGRATS on your weight loss! You are doing so well! I'm sorry your "friends" aren't very supportive. I have a few who have reacted the same way. One of my friends actually told me before surgery that I shouldn't have it done...'cause I'd have too much hanging skin......gotta LOVE those friends. The bottom line is..if they act like that..they were not true friends to begin with. It hurts hearing them make such comments, I'm sure, but just keep telling yourself..you didn't have surg. for them...you had if for health reasons and all that matters is you ARE getting healthy...whether they are there to support you or not. Keep up the good work and I wish you the best of luck with your hip surgery! ~Issy 360/245/???

Your post is oh so true! Most people just wish and talk about wanting to change. Very few actually carry through on their dreams. They may feel that you are now superior to them because you have done something about your problem. (You probably don't feel that way but they do.) Of course, they are just all waiting for you to slip and gain some back. That is reassuring that you are just like them. The best revenge is to be very nice, and to be obviously HAPPY. Actually they are really talking about themselves more than you. My office is beginning to be that way. They just don't know how to take it. They think I've lost enough 177. right! Some are waiting for me to fail. Others are my cheerleaders. Many say I have really changed. My secretary tells me I have not changed at all but I am happier. The truth is they have changed in their opinion of who I am because they look at me differently. My outsides are beginning to look like my insides. DO'ers are always resented by Talker's Just be happy, kind and loving. That will really throw them for a loop. Keep up your good work! I'm proud of your achievements!

Ugh, this is all so hard to hear. I am so glad I haven't had any of that so far. However, I do see the opposite. I have had people, like Chip, who ignored me or looked at me with disgust before be all friendly and chummy now. Weird. I think these women you work with are hurting, big time, and just don't know how to deal with it. I find that being supportive of thin, and pretty people as well as everyone else feels good and the love comes back to me too. I had to learn that though by having a beautiful daughter. That is when my jealousy changed because I saw that she had pain and insecurities too and needed my unconditional love. After that I saw people in a different light. I celebrate beauty and know that we are all falable creatures who need support and love. Also, I don't know how healthy it is to have your "true" friend tell you the gossip. I hope she means well but that is just as destructive. If I were you, I'd tell her that it hurts to hear and that you would just as soon not hear it, no? You'll make some new friends with your new job. Start over-be that kind of friend you want others to be to you and it will come back to you ten-fold! Hugs!!! Jo

Thank you for sharing this. I can completely relate to this. I have a couple of girls in the office that are this way too. I just "kill them with kindness". They are also making comments such as "Are you afraid to gain it back." My response is no...because I can only eat 12 oz of food by the time this is all said and done at one time. If I follow the guidelines I should never consume more than 1200 calories a day. I also am an avid cyclist during the summer averaging 80-100 miles a day. Celebrate yourself! Don't be afraid to celebrate yourself! I am glad that you are leaving this office. I have even thought about making a change in my job too. I think it would be nice to start over where no one knows my history. This way there is no gossip! There is no one waiting to see me fail. People will know the new me and accept me as I am rather than knowing all of the details of my life. Write back and let us know how your new life is going!

Sharon, Jo's a smart lady, listen to her, she is right. I have been fat for so long I don't have any friends because I hid from everyone. I haven't felt confident enough to make friends, so I can't relate with this, but I hear it is very common. I don't understand it. No matter what you do your doomed, LOL! My mom always had a saying "If you were a snow white dove somebody would be there to shoot you down." Pray about it, sometimes God can change attitudes. Wendy

I tell you, There was girl that I thought of as being close but she began to change since I have gotten smaller????? She had this surgery- 7/2004. Funny......... HUH, It is like she was fine as long as she was loosing faster-.........and I thought we were cool............. I tell you God will reveal your true support in due season. I have learned that some people are fine as long as they can control your mind or being. I have a new found love for Renee'. I have always loved me and been the life of the party but this new self esteem has given me peace and an extra push. They can love it or leave it. I know that my TRUE friends have ALWAYS BEEN THERE. It is a new day- learn to do you!! Renee'

I can empathize. One of my best friends i fear has alwasy been drawn to me because i was heavy with an great self esteem. She was thin and bulemic and in the dumps. Well we have been friends for 20 years and i fear what it is going to do to her when i am thinner than she is. I just am afraid it will change the dynamics of the friendship. She made a comment about soon she would be the fat friend that made me worry. But you learn who is really there for you. I have a hard time when people that never paid me the time of day talk to me now. I know they are just trying to verify the rumour of the surgery. OH well. I feel great so they can blow their noses for all i care. Good for me for being able to make it all work out.

Well...I can totally relate. I had only a few close friends. One had the surgery and she is my biggest supporteruntil I started dating a new guy. Amazing how that happens. The other one is a big girl but i was always bigger...now that i am smaller she is very unhappy. she also is unhappy with my new date and that is the part the kills me. a 20 year friendship down the drain over a man that she did not have a relationship or anything other than freindship with. If it were not for her me and hiim would have not became friends back then. Just know that you are not alone and that we are all here with you. Plus shoot, maybe one day all the june bugs can meet in a general place and have a reunion. we know each other better than most of our friends right now anyway.