Grief, loss and WLS

I lost my 36 year old brother, a father to two daughters (13 and 6) last week. It was completely unexpected, a shock and now that the funeral is over and I am beginning to integrate my normal life with this awful experience I am realizing it is going to be a long time before I feel "normal" again. Hell, at this point I would settle for one night of normal, undisturbed sleep! I am no stranger to grief and loss, I lost my mother 16 years ago when I was 23. We all know the adjustments we need to make with emotional eating and learning new ways to cope that don't involve food. At the time I lost my mom, my loss was so great that I actually couldn't find comfort in food, and I'm hoping that will happen again in this cir****tance. It has been an interesting week trying to eat with the stress (my band has hardly allowed me to eat) and I am realizing that this tool I have will require some extra special diligence on my part as I cope. I can tell you that I am convinced my being banded was part of God's master plan. The energy and health I am enjoying as a result of my efforts is giving me the strength to cope with this loss, and I'm proud of the things I've been able to do to support my family. Had this happened 6 months ago at my preop weight I would not have been nearly as capable of coping and I would be exhausted. I'm wondering if anyone else has experienced profound loss and grief with WLS. If so, I would be especially grateful if you would let me know. I'm gathering the resources I will need for my support network, planning for the dark days that lie ahead. If you are out there, it would be nice to know I can talk to you! Yours in pounds down, Jen -105

Jen, I am so sorry for your loss...Who knows, maybe you are right about you being banded now being part of God's master plan...I'm sure you do need all the strenght now..... I have not experienced a loss since wls, but I have been having some trouble with anxiety, and seeing how food has always been my number one coping mechanism, I have been having some trouble dealing with the anxiety...coming here helps, and I will see a therapist next week who has some personal experience with wls...I am also planning to start yoga, although my schedule has not allowed me to start as yet. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.... Love, Dorota

Jennifer, I too lost my brother's, both of them 15 years apart though. I did not deal well with the first loss as it was unexpected. My other brother was sick a long time and that was the hardest part. I am so sorry for your neices loss. God will get you through and from experience it helps to keep moving. Work, volunteer and spend time with your family. Don't be afraid to talk about him, the good, bad and funny things that happened. You will be amazed how much healing this does for you and others. I hope you find a new way to cope with loss other than food. Maybe a new hobby like knitting or crochet to keep your hands busy. E-mail me if you would like to. I haven't had the loss since wls, but I do understand grief and stress. Wendy Daly

HI JENN.. sorry to hear of your loss at this time and your in my prayers during a difficult time. LOOSEING loves ones isnt easy. I lost my DAD 2 weeks before my WLS and they had to put me on some anti depressants and blood pressure meds to keep my blood pressure down so that i didnt loose my surgery date. I sort of lost food and my dad pretty much together. SURE i have hard days but for the most part im strong. MY dad was my only alive parent so it wasnt easy. I was just very strong. AND if you need to talk on anything im here you can email me or IM me at : [email protected] (((HUG)))! LISA 310/190/???

Jen, I am so sorry for your loss. I have not experienced a loss since surgery but I have lost both of my parents and many aunts and uncles who I adored. It is very different losing a brother though, I can't imagine losing one of my sibs, I love them so much as I am sure you did yours. I am happy for you that you feel strong and supportive, for me-reaching out to others when I am blue really helps me. I am sure it has helped you too. Turning to food has always been my thing, I remember totally overeating to the point of pain after my mom's funeral. It wasn't good and it did not make me feel better. I am praying and hoping that you find peace and healthy coping. (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))) Jo

Jen, I'm sending you the biggest hug ever !!! This has to be very tough. A loss is a deep void to fill. I bid God's peace on your life. Be encouraged in this fight. I pray that every wonderful memory comes to mind. You are in a perfect place of support- health and confidence are on your side. God trust YOU with such a task and HE WILL DELIVER YOU. Renee'

jenn i am so very sorry for you and youre familys loss i know exactly what you are going through i had my surgery on 6/20 and on 9/20 my first and only grand son was murdered by his moms boyfreind (he was only 7 1/2 months old but i didnt turn to food my thing that happens to me under stress is i dont eat if i try i get sick i had to force my self to eat i know you hate hearing this but it will get easier i love my little man and i always will i just keep thinking he is in heaven with my mom and dad till i can get there and can hold him again and tell him how much gammy loves him .... again i am very very sorry for youre loss and ill pray for you his daughters and youre whole family if you need to talk memail me and we can talk about anything that will help you deal with it sending big hugs lisa