Venting!! (long, sorry)

Okay, I'm just so frustrated I could SCREAM! Do you know HOW I became so overweight? I sat on my butt at work....came home, fixed and ate dinner...and sat on my butt. I was taking online classes....sitting on my butt. I gave up classes for a while to focus on getting healthy. Here's the problem. I have a Curves membership that I can NEVER get to do because their hours BITE. I have to pick my 5 year old up by 5 everyday...and Curves doesn't have childcare. SO I ask hubby to pick up the son....but NOOOOOOO. He's big time into training his dog. He comes home (driving right past the daycare) picks up the dog and goes past the daycare again to go train him. So, I rush to pick up our son...come home and wait for either the hubby or my oldest son (17 yo) to come home to watch the 5 year old. Curves CLOSES at 7.....so I never make it. It's a waste of freakin money. THEN I decide I will pay another $40 per month to have a membership at the gym where there IS childcare for the 5 year old. Well, I have 5 kids and they all have something that they *need* to do...(something they need ME to do). I asked my husband if he would pick up our 5 year old so I could go work out immediately after work. You woulda thought I asked him to shoot the freakin dog to prove his love for me or something. So I said nevermind. I'll come all the way to our neighborhood, pick up my son, and then go to the gym with him. I tried to explain that I NEED to exercise to make this weight loss a success and to be HEALTHY....not skinny, flabby, deflated balloon. Then he gets major PO'd and says "Great, I guess I won't be seeing you until 7 or 8 every night." GRRRRRRRRRRRRR I'm just so upset. I feel so trapped. Everyone around me is so happy and content with me just coming home from work and SITTING HERE....at their beck and call. Then my daughter asks me if she can join this Cheerleading club for $500 and take her to all her practices from 6-8 two nights per week + weekend practices and competitions. When I explained that I couldn't afford that and that maybe she would be better off starting out in a cheaper cheerleading team...she goes off on how I don't care about her. Is that irony? No one in this house will let me do anything except go to work and cater to them....and everyone loves me?? Oh, I know that's not the case....but it just poured salt in my wounds. Sometimes I think I'm the dog in the chainlink pen and I can only come out when the master is okay with it. I just don't understand why no one understands the need for a little "me" time. I don't want to spend the rest of my life sitting on my a$$ waiting for my next directive. I feel like I'm being a bad wife and mother just for ASKING because of the fight that it causes. But I gotta tell you...I NEED to do this or I'm going to EXPLODE. It means that much to me. Now I guess I can see one way that marriages fall apart after wls. My husband has gotten use to me NOT living life and just sitting here waiting on him like a piece of furniture. Now that I don't want to be the fluffy lazy boy....he's balking. But no matter how much he balks....I have come too far....gone through too much....just to end up the fluffy lazy boy for the rest of my life. It's just not fair to ask that of me. I don't ask that of him or anyone else. *sigh* What do I do? Something's got to give or I'm just gonna get plain EVIL. I shouldn't have to do that. Pam

Hi Pam No need to apologize to us, we understand. We also understand that this surgery is just a tool, but I don't think your family does. I think you should print out a copy of your post, sit your husband down, and let him read it. It has a lot of emotion in it. And if he still doesn't get it, dump him and get a new one (just kidding, LOL!!!!) Your post says a lot, you might as well use it! Hope this helps. Sharyn BTW, if it doesn't help, don't blame me, I'm not married, LOL!! But, if you happen to know anyone, please send them my way.

Hi Pam, I had my surgery just 8 days before yours and I also have 5 kids. It can be a zoo sometimes for sure. Sounds like a boundary isssue that you are dealing with. Basically there is this "pie" and it gets sliced up and everybody gets some of the pie....except in your case it seems you don't yet have a {designated slice} of the pie with your name on it. One thing that losing the weight begins to do for us is help us realize that we are worthy to be treated reasonably and fairly. We don't need to any longer be invisible. ( or apologize for breathing any of the air in the room) Sometimes we have lived years without asking for or insisting on consideration. As we heal and grow we come to see ourselves as persons who care for others needs and desire for these others to also care for ours as well. You will find your voice and be able to begin to ask for what you need. Husbands don't read our minds and although it sounds like a nice dream we really wouldn't want them to read our minds most of the time ( it might hurt their feelings). Bet you can find a way to ask for certain days a week to share the p/u and childcare chore. Curves is only a 30 minute circuit. Sometimes I have to actually draw a pie and visually show the amount I'm asking for vs. the usual way it's divied up. A picture is worth a thousand words. When you are the mom of many kids it is a big step to finally think of yourself. I've found that if I take time for me ...I am much more able to give myself freely to the fam. Bless ya gal, You are worth it. M.

Pam no need to apologize! I just spazzed out on my family yesterday! I don't have 5 kids I have 4 and one is 18 living in my house till she is out the door on the 19th for the military. But in the mean time she and the rest of the crew are lazy, nothing gets done in my house. I work, cook clean, chauffer, etc. I have been pushing my point to my husband just like you. They just don't seem to understand and my doctor told me the last time I went that I have to find me time. It is important and I told him he doesn't live in my household. So this is what I have done..I don't know how well this will work for you but i'll put it out there. I do a cut off time for EVERYONE in my house including the dogs. I told them like it or not unless someone is dying my cut off time is 7pm. If you need a ride..best be before 7, want dinner better eat it before 7, need clothes sewed better give to me before 7, sign papers, look over homework, better be done for me to do before 7. At 7 it is me time. I go over the bills, do paperwork and go for a long walk. I've done this since Friday and it has worked. Everyone knows my cut off time (boundaries) and I don't bend them. I've had a few huffs and puffs..but don't pay attention to them. They have to understand how important this is for you. My younger son came with me yesterday on my me time. He just said he wanted to keep me company. So far it is working and I am going to keep trying. Keep your chin up and think of things to get their attention. Your husband may not know how to take you becoming a new person. He may need space just to work that out in his own mind. My husband was very unhelpful in the beginning, but now that i'm 50lbs lighter he's taking notice and really seeing that I am serious and he's been better in at least trying to help. (It's not much but it's a man thing and every bit helps) Create a cut off time, walk around the neighborhood early in the morning or later in the evening. Walking is free add some weights later and you will be doing what you pay for at the gym. Add some running when you feel up to it. Hugggsss..I understand completely what you are feeling. Hope this helps and keep us posted on your progress!

(((HUG)))))) pam!!! I can relate being the mom of 3 and a family daycare provider to a dozen more kids! I had to leave curves and join LADIES express, they have free child care and there hours were better. DO i get there enough? no i dont im always doing or working! HANG in there. HUG n kisses LISA

Ahhh the story of my life....... Not enough hours in the day!!! I had the same problem with Curves. So I worked out on my lunch break! Although it isn't fair for your hubby to designate you as the only person who can pick up the 5 y.o! I like Tracie's idea about the 7pm cut off time too! I might try that one. Check to see if there is a Curve's near work and try it at lunch! Good luck!

Ohh I feel your pain. I only have 2 children so I am not sure how you can do it with 5. What I have been doing is going to the gym directly after work. Tell the hubby on certain days of the week he is going to HAVE to pick up the 5 yr old and you are going to the gym. Maybe he is comfortable with you being big and is afraid to give you the room to breath and be your own person again. Is he afraid he will loose you? Sounds like you two need to have a heart to heart. Tell him how you are feeling. That is what I had to do. I was pretty much in the same situation. Go to work, come home cook, clean, take care of the kids, make sure homework was done and still try to find time for myself. It wasn't working. That's when I finally blew a gasket! I had to sit down and come right out and tell him exactly what I needed and how I expected it get it. I found out that he is very insecure with himself and is afraid that I will leave once I have lost the weight. I have tried explaining that I am doing this to be healthy for me not to find another man. I hope things work out for the best for you and your family. Shelley

Hello Pam, I have 4 kids and I just bought an exercycle at a yard sale for 35 dollars. I use it 20 minutes twice a day and watch tv while I do it. The kids just walk around me and I can keep an eye on all of them and still get my exercise! Wendy

Pam, We can all relate (unfortunatly). There never seem to be enough hours in the day to do everything we need to do. I my self am a single parent of two, ages 9 & 6. If your other 4 kids are old enough to stay home unsupervised until Dad gets there, I suggest just picking up you 5 year old and taking him with you to the gym as your regular routine. Just make it known at home this is how it is. If others need something you can help when you get home or Dad must help. Just go straight to the gym, don't go home first. What works for me is a membership to the YMCA. I enroll my kids in swimming lessons and can work out while they are in them. Usually they are not at the same time as each other, so I either put them in the childwatch or bring them with me to walk the track. This gets them excercising and it is a rare one on one time for us. I hope someone here is able to give you some advice that might help out. Laura

Hi Pam, When I was debating on joining Curves or getting a treadmill. I did some research online and found that I would only burn appx., 180 calories with Curves and much more by walking on a treadmill. So, I spent lots of money on a state of the art treadmill and it is awesome, especially with the ifit.com program. I can only imagine how hard it must be for you in the present situation. But think of your WLS as the stepping stone to the best life yet to come! You could look into other gyms or fitness programs that will fit your schedule better. You need to become very selfish about your health. Your hubby is wrong to train the "dog" first, and not pick up the 'human child" that I would think should be his #1 priority. (sorry, my opinion popped out) Sounds like he is just so used to you being the caretaker and all around wonder woman, he has no idea the smallest task could mean a bubble bath for you, a nice massage, or a class at the gym or dance lessons or even a ladies night out with the girls! These are our outlets and we need them, badly ... at least for our sanity! You hang in there, find something that will work for you!! I have a local school here and churches that will rent out their gyms to groups of people and they may pay $1 to $5.00 per person. You could start an excercise program at a local gymnasium and give the proceeds to the school or church, while still getting support from other folks like us, or just someone in need of a healthy routine, before its too late. Good luck to you, You are a strong individual and having 5 children, being married, having a career and still finding time for yourself is amazing!! You are SPECIAL and UNIQUE, only you can take control of your time, another thought just came to mind, a babysitter or as someone else suggested, a gym with childcare provided. On those days when you can't get to the gym, pack a lunch for work and go to the park for a nice meal and a brisk walk. Hopefully, the scenery brings peace of mind to you. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! Good luck! Chelle'