The Guinea Pig!

Hello Junies! I am wondering if any of you are experiencing this problem I'm having. Let me back up first and tell you that my doc's office has been kind enough to start a lap band support group. Let me also tell you that I am one of the first 6 patients to be banded in my doc's office. Finally, the support group meets during the day and is hard for post ops to get to. This usually means that the group is small, which is great, but to complicate matters, my docs send people who are considering the surgery to attend our meetings. The docs have an orientation meeting for those who are interested in bariatric surgery, but they don't invite a lapband patient to discuss their experiences - just the RNYers. What is bothering me is that over the last two meetings, I have felt that the "support group" meeting has turned into an "information session" for the preops. I have no problem with recounting my story, it strengthens me, but what I am troubled by is the feeling that I am a "guinea pig" dissected by the preops that haven't had the surgery. The questions are pretty invasive (I'm sure not intentionally) and I feel a need to talk with people who have been where I am. For example, two meetings ago, a woman asked me what I weighed. My husband and I have been married 10 years and the first time he learned my weight was when I was in the hospital getting weighed before surgery! No one knows my weight! At the meeting this week, a preop squawked at me because I said I can eat a cup and a half of food sometimes. She didn't think that was possible and actually told me I wasn't doing things right! I know how hard all of the stages of this surgery are, and want to support others, but selfishly I need places to support me too! What do I need to do to fix my head? I've completed the chapter leader training and hope to open a support group next month. However, I have to admit my head is not in the right place for newbies! Yours in pounds down, Jen

I understand. Ours are like that also. I expressed my concern and we are suppose to have some without the session before hand. Meanwhile what I have done is : I am going thru the process to have OH support meetings in my area. I am going thru the training now to become a chapter leader. It is awesome and I so cannot want to get a group going. More infor at www.obesityhelpchapters.com. Check it out. Good Luck joni

you new pics look great Jen, keep up the great job. Try not to let the newbies get to you. We already went thru this and they didnt'. and you don't have to tell anyone you're weight. it is none of their business. as long as you are losing and feeling good. that is all that matters. You know you can always to talk to people for the support that you need. we are all here to help each other. keep up the great work, Dawn

I'm with Dawn. Your weight is off limits! I respond with how much I've lost - that's usually what people really want to know - and I'm proud to share. I don't talk that much about the surgery anymore, unless I know someone is contemplating it. Instead, I let them know how much work I'm putting in in the gym and walking, protein and supplements, etc. I tell them that this has been a tool to get me doing the things I should have been doing all along. I know of at least two people who have opted out because they don't think they can do the lifestyle change right now, and I think they're right. Too many people want this to be an easy out, and we know it isn't. It's a great tool if you're ready, but... As for the meetings, we've not had many pre-ops in ours, but I can only imagine how irritating that would be. I think if they attend a support meeting, they should listen and maybe ask questions afterward. Teaching others is not receiving support. We have a lot to work through as it is, and we are not "on the other side" of this yet. I could see where that would be an appropriate role as we reach and maintain our goal weights, but this is hard, lonely work! And I think preops should be given some kind of hand out with guidelines - how dare one of them criticize you - they have no right to even comment! Poor social skills! This message board has gotten me through a zillion difficult times already! I'm sure your support group will establish appropriate guidelines so everyone gets what they need. Kudos for you for being willing to step up and help others! Kristie

Even though I had the RNY I can relate to your frustrations about the support groups. Luckily my surgeon has a great network. The first Wed of the month is Pre-op - 6 months for RNY. The second Wed is for Lap Band (much smaller group.) The third Wed is for RNY 6 months and later. It does seem that at the first meeting the docs want us newbies in attendance to share our experiences, good & bad. I can understand that, however, it takes me an hour and a half to drive to the meetings. When I get there with questions/concerns and have to be PUSHY to get my turn to talk about problem ect, it makes me upset too. I usually now attend the third meeting of the month. I know this is not very helpful, but I though you might want to know others are experincing similar things. Have you researched to see if there are other support groups in your area? I recently found out we have one in my town and we have a relativley small population. Best of Luck, Laura