Is it my sex drive or am I over him????

I'm not sure anyone can really answer this for me, but here it comes. I recently starting seeing an ex again. We've had sex twice and it didn't do much for me. In the past it was always good. I am not sure if it is a decrease in interest because of the surgery or if it is because I have doubts about him being able to give me what I need in the relationship. I don't know if it is because my heart and mind are not into it because of relationship issues or if it is a side affect of the surgery. I know no one else here can tell me either.So I guess my question instead should be if it is from the surgery, when will it go away????

Who am I to give advice, but here goes anyway! My guess is that it is a combination of both! When you start articulating your thoughts like you did, the truth comes out. As you get thinner and thinner and your self-esteem rises, you will realize that you deserve no less than the very best. Is your ex the very best? Is he what you dream of? If not, it is at least partly him. On the other hand if he is what you always dreamed of and you have always wished you'd never broken up, then maybe... However, I can't imagine that our bodies aren't effected some by surgery too. I would think though that we are close to being there if we are doing everything right (vitamins, protein, liquids, etc.) Ask your doctor too! Good luck sweetie and remember you deserve the very best! Jo

Hey Jo, NOOOOOOOOOOOO he is not the man of my dreams, but for some reason I keep letting him back into my life. The funny thing is I have always had good self-esteem and confidence and wouldn't let any other man disappoint me over and over like he has. I know, doesn't make much sense, if he isn't the man of my dreams, why do I continue to see him???? Thanks for listening, Lisa

it must be your heart- cuz my sex drive did not die as I previously thought over the last several years...my poor husband has thought he died and went to heaven now that I am initiating it. I am 88 down since surgery ...so start looking at why you have gone back to your bad habit.... Do you need to meet some nice Canadian men? I work with a few employed single ones if your willing to commute to Windsor! (near Detroit). Silly.

HELL YEAH, I drive to Windsor every now and then for bingo, I'd do it for a good guy too.....lol He truely is a bad habit that I keep letting back into my life. My problem is that I get so sick of the dating scene and go back to something that isn't all I want and need, but it's there. I've gotten too comfortable. With him I expect to be disappointed so there is no surprise, unlike with dating where I just get disappointed over and over .I get sick of thinking "this guy is different' and then end up disappointing me and becomes a jerk. Lisa

Hi I'm Jennifer, It seems we kinda have the same problem, But I have been with my boyfriend for 3 1/2 years, and he is great I love him with all my heart, but it seems that since I have had surgery 6/9 that I am just not into sex at all. And it's not like i don't like having sex, you know I just seem to be so tired when I get home that I just want to sleep, and then on the weekends I still am just not intrested. He has to do some talking me into (4 play) you know. But without that I just don't want to do anything, but I am hoping that soon my sex drive will go up like everyone elses that has had surgery.. So anyway I just wanted to let you know your not the only one (but i don't think there are two many of us)

Hey it is me Renee', Deep inside you know that he is not THE one but........ he is a place of comfort(you are use to him)! It is a place of contentment for you. Never settle! You are at an awesome place of renewel- live to the fullest. Learn to DO U!

Lisa, Do not Settle! I have been married for ten years to a great guy. We met pre-internet age, through those chat lines. I recorded a message, he answered it. My message was :Big Bold Beautiful woman looking for friendship. He stated he liked the sound of my voice. The rest was history. We talked over several days, then finally agreed to me. I came home (was living with M&D) and told Mom I just met her future son-in-law (she thought he was a potential ax murderer as she was uncomfortable about the way we met). We were married two years later - I mentioned this to one of the guys in my office - he actually tried internet dating last September on lavalife.com and they just got engaged last week. So, never settle - you need someone who is supportive and will be with you through thick and thin (no puns intended). Take care and feel free to email me about those guys I work with (all underthe age of 30, own their own homes and cars, some have dogs).