Did any one else here keep WLS a secret?

Hi all! I am new to these boards. My surgery date is 6/6/05 (less then two weeks). I just wanted to know because I am not telling many people...My husband, best friend and my parents. That's it. No office co-workers, no acquanitances, no other family members.. Reason #1: I don't want my extendend family (mother-in-law, sister-in-law etc.) they are very judgemental, and non-supportive. Reason # 2: I am a little ashamed to have to need the surgery. I guess I am a private person (I'm only using a nickname on this site) I want to be a whole person, I don't want "baggage". Has any one else experienced what I am going through? I also plan on writting letters to everyone in the event "the worst" happens. Please don't be too harsh with me.

Hi, Don't be so hard on yourself. We all have reasons why we do or do not tell certain people what we are doing. I understand completely. Because I have had numerous very serious health problems, some of my friends would probably think I was nuts to do this. However, they know there will be a surgery but not the extent of the whole thing. I also have to have my thyroid removed due to possible malignancy. Both surgeries are being done at the same time. Face it - we must advocate for ourselves. Don't be ashamed. Just look at all we had to do to get this far- tests, appointments, as long history of trying to lose, etc. The important thing is that you do have support from your immediate family. As long as you have really been honest with yourself and your doctors, and you are sure that this is what you want, you should be fine. I, too, have updated my living will and last will. I am a firm believer in being prepared and truly believe that if you are prepared - you probably won't need it. Anyway, keep the faith and read over profiles. They are very inspiring. Best wishes. Cheryl

I know what you mean about the in-laws and I'm NOT telling mine untill after it's all said and done...what can they say then..it's done. My husbands family is all skinny minnies and they "don't see a need for WLS" I got that out of them WAY before I decided to have surg. I've just decided to keep my mouth shut. My family knows..that's about it. I think you should do whatever makes you comfortable..right now, and for the couple of weeks after WLS it's YOU time. I wish you Luck and happy weight loss! ~Issy

Hi there Lady!! Well, first of all, it's noone's business what you are doing. I have told my family, except one brother who I know will have a lot of negative things to say. I told my inlaws because my sister in law did this and has had TREMENDOUS success! I have told my friends, but as far as business associates, I told the ones who HAD to know something, that I was having a hernia operation. LOL!! I know that's silly! The only thing that you said that I found kind of upsetting was that you are a little ashamed of needing the surgery. Please dont be! I have had the feeling that I would be embarassed by what people would think of me needing surgery, but in no way am I personally embarassed of it. I know I have paid my dues and tried everything. This is not an easy journey and trust me, not easier than any other diet we have been through. It just will help us to succeed. We still have to do the work. Learn to know what hunger is vs. appetite! As far as the letter idea, I know my sister in law did that. I have to say that for me, I have mixed feelings on the topic. I have read that you have to go into surgery with the most positive attitude and mind set. I have a hard time being so positive if I just poured my heart out to everyone I love "just in case". I don't know, on the other hand, I would hate to have NOT done it..ugh! Everything you are feeling seems to be normal. I think we all go through the same thing. Trust in God...and your surgeon! Good luck to you and keep the faith! Rossana

Thanks for understanding and for all of the inspirational words!

I thought I was the only one who felt like this! I soooooo understand!

I wanted to keep this private too. I told my husband and my mother. They preceeded to tell everyone else! URGH! I wish I had my privacy back! you dont have to tell anyone ever, other than your doctors. This is about you. & No one has the right to judge you but you know whoo......! Good Luck, be proud of your choice!

You know, when you tell people ahead of time, you always have to deal with those who want to report every bad thing about it you can think of. I had a couple of co-workers that were very much against me having the surgery and they worried and kept telling me all that could go wrong. This is helpful when you are researching, you need to know what you're getting into, but once you have decided this is the right step for you you need encouragement and nothing else! Now that I've had the surgery, I can hardly keep my mouth shut about it! My experience has been so good, and I am so much healthier and happier, not to mention wearing size 4/6 clothes! I write letters to my loved ones when I go in for anything, no matter how minor. Or when I ride a plane, or go on a car trip. I'm not pessimistic but I always feel better to know I've taken care of this. Actually, over the years, I've accumulated a nice little stack of love notes to my kids which denote all the things I found so special about them at different stages of their lives! My WLS notes assured my family that I was confident in the decision I had made and went into my surgery with no regrets. I followed the doctors instructions to the letter and my recovery was fast and easy. Two practical hints: if it hurts, tell them! I was nervous about being sent home with just oral pain meds and told the nurse. I got a pain patch that lasted five days and completely took the edge off so my transition to home was very easy. #2: if in doubt, walk! Walking eases pain, helps digestion, and reduces the chance of bloodclots. Every time I felt uncomfortable, I would shuffle around the room, the house, the pool, and it always made me feel better. Good luck! I'm so happy for you!