Feelin' FAT!!!!

Ya know what Wendy...... I was in the middle of typing a reply to this post on Friday night but the power went out right in the middle of it! So....I'm gonna try this again. When I picture myself in my mind... I still see the old me. When I look down at myself when i'm sitting down... i see nothing different - I see the same old me. I see other skinny people and wonder if I will ever get to look like that. I'm wearing sizes 2 and 4 But I don't see what others see. I still see the old me. YET there are times I look in the mirror and grieve the loss of my a$$....or the plumpness of my cheeks (face). I DO think plastics helped me somewhat with this. Before I had my arms done, i really obsessed about how my arms looked - everywhere i went...everything i did...everything I wore...it was all about the arms. Now, I'm happy about the arms. It's my tummy and legs that make me feel so huge and blobby. I think i had a vision in my mind of what my legs would look like when i "arrived" at goal and when my legs got THERE, I would be done. But it didn't work out that way. I grab my tummy and pull it way out and show my hubby "Look at how much fat i still have" and he corrects me everytime "that's NOT FAT - that's SKIN" and then he goes on and on about how I'm too skinny. My legs STILL hang over my knees. That was one thing that i was really looking forward to being rid of after losing the excess weight. But, it never went away and in fact, it is worse now than before. My thighs dangle.... shaving them is such a chore!!! Pulling skin this way and that.... i hate it. I wonder if I SHOULD put some weight back on...but I'm really struggling with that concept. A big part of me thinks I should keep 125 as my goal and try like hell to stick to that number.... JUST IN CASE there is a rebound gain anyway! Hugs, Pam

Yeah! I know what you mean exactly! I don't see me different. I look and I look and I say I see it and yet I don FEEL it. I feel FAT! Even if I get the tummy tuck, I still will have the arms and thighs all flappin' around. I may get a breast reduction and lift, but I don't know if I will cause my dh is soooo against it. But my boobs are so sad!!!! I was at Big Boy with my dh last night and I looked around at all the fat people. For some reason there were alot of overweight people there last night and I wondered how many of them were looking at me and thinking about how fat I was! What a weird way to think. I am always asking Ron if he thinks I look fat, but he keeps saying no and I keep thinking he is lying. So WHY do I keep asking? I hope I can have the tummy tuck done because I am hoping that will help my attitude. But if it doesn't I may have to go back to counseling. I have even started making myself throw up again now and then. I don't like that. I lost so much weight while I was sick that now that I can eat, I feel guilty about every thing that goes in my mouth! Wendy