Update from a lurker!
Hi all! I am a fellow june bug! Just before and immediately after my surgery, I posted. I don't know why I stopped. I think it is just part of the old behavior for me. I have always tended to be an isolater. I have always felt inferior. I have always stopped short of acheiving my goals. When others start to get too close to me, I have retreated. When I started to feel as if others were losing faster than me and I wasn't doing as well as I thought I should, I stopped posting. A day turned into a week. A week into a month and a month into a year!! I have done this in the past in other areas of my life. But I lurk every day and know what is going on with all of you for over a year now! I celebrate your achievements and pray for you in times of turmoil. Inspite of myself I have managed to lose about 120#. I don't know exactly because I get scared to weigh. I have trouble staying away from carbs. I do not exercise as I should. But with that said, I am experiencing some wonderful things as a result of this life saving surgery that I didn't expect. I have more self esteem and desire even more of it! I have self respect for my efforts although far from perfect. I have a renewed drive for my personal spiritual journey. I have returned to being an active member in my 12 step support meeting ( I am clean and sober 5 years). I play and interact with my children and grandchildren as never before and get immense joy from that. I no longer am required to use CPAP to sleep at night. I am returning to college via the internet to aid in my desire for better career choices. I have a color weave in my hair that looks pretty good if I do say so myself! I wear make up again! I got new glasses. I allow my picture to be taken. The seatbelt fits comfortably. I have gone to the movies...twice! I have gone on an airplane....twice! I can't remember the last time I was stared at and KNEW it was because of how fat I was. I am incredible grateful for this surgery and all of you. I want to keep going on this journey. I want to see it all the way through. I think it is possible. I know it is up to me. Even if I fall, I can pick myself up and try again. Although I have selfishly took from all of you and not added to the mix, I am hoping to join you better now, if you will have me! My highest weight was 367.5, pre surg was 355 and I believe I am around 230 now. My goal is 175. Thanks for always being here. With Love and gratitude, Diane
You are so welcome here Diane. You and I are about at the same level right now. I still have about 30 -40 more to go also. It is hard sometimes, but the support here does help alot.
Congratulations on the clean and sober. I consider myself an addict also, from my food addiction. I think many of us here are addictive personalities and can relate to your cravings for carbs. If it weren't for this bout of flu right now, I'd still be dreaming about that Mackinaw fudge! LOL! Life is not easy, but it can be maneuvered through with a good map. Keep aimed in the right direction and stay with people that are headed to the same place and you should do fine.
Wendy
Diane, I, like you have been a lurker. I have posted or replied a few times but was always there in spirit with every victory or setback I read about. I have experienced all those things and more and each day am thankful for what it has done to make my life and my family life better.
Each thing that I now can enjoy that had been gone for me for so many years is a gift I cherish. With a grandchild on the way I look forward to every minute I will have to do things I missed out on with my younger 3 kids and making up for what I missed for them while I am at it.
Congrats on your success so far and your 5 years as well!! Keep up the great spirit as you continue to spread your wings and glide through this wonderful journey we embarked on!
Gayle
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