I must be suffering from post-op depression or something....

I'm just a basket case. Either I'm suffering from post op depression, wacky hormones, teenageritis or husbanditis. Maybe it's all of the above! I've just been sitting here boo-hooting my eyes out. Just seems like everything is so magnified now. I got all freaked out about a couple of spots in my incisions looking red and burning. So I called the surgeon's office to ask if he could call in an antibiotic. Nope. They have to see you. So I asked my hubby (who was OFF today) if he would take me and he had a major TANTRUM about how I was sucking up his time off and ruining his day. So I got all huffy and told him there was plenty of other people willing to give me a ride.....grabbed my purse and keys and drove myself an hour and 1/2 up to the surgeons office and back. Only to find that he was sooooo ridiculous as to take his wedding ring off and leave it on the dining room table. He can be sooooo dramatic.... (moron).... My daughter just put me through the wringer on something that she did - that I can't believe...and can't even talk about. She's grounded. She's 17. We took everything except her bed, her clothes and her make up. We even took her bedroom door. She has to earn it all back. If she messes up again, she loses her make-up and her clothes.... and we buy her all khacki's and pink polo shirts... (she's a denim and black shirt kind a gal)....if she messes up again after that....I pull her out of school....and figure something else out. Like maybe home bible teaching. She seems to be responding so far.... My oldest son is graduating from high school this month. I never see him. He's either at school, work or out with his girlfriend. He's 18. He comes home and tells me he is going to house sit for someone for a month and 1/2.....and he's enrolled in the community college now. So....I won't see him for a month 1/2. And i just cry. He's the best one of the bunch....and I'm just not ready for this "letting go" business. Then he tells me he's gonna do this & that for his girlfriends mom for mothers day....and asks if we are going to see granny for mothers day. I tell him "yes, I always see my mom on mother's day." and then i cry some more because it doesn't dawn on him that HE has a mother? I just feel like I'm losing it. I'm the one that suppose to hold everything together and everything is just amuck. Life just will not slow down enough for me to get a handle on it....I can't comprehend it all at the speed it's coming at me. This month just needs to end so i can call it the past. hugs, Pam

(((((((((((((Pam))))))))))) I'm so sorry you're going through a rough time! You've got a lot on your plate...husbands, kids, recovery, owies,~ I can totally see why you'd like to get May over with! Hang in there. You are incredibly strong. You will endure and come through this with flying colors. I know you must be so frustrated, but compare where you are now to where you were last year at this time. That should bring a smile to your face. We love you...and I'll be praying for you! Kerri

Thanks, Kerri. I think part of what's getting me is that normally I do feel strong...and right now I just feel weak and zapped out. I found out about what my daughter was doing about 36 hours before my surgery....was in shock about it and didn't say anything to her. I decided not to send her to school the day of my surgery because I didn't want to lay on that table wondering if she was doing it again at school while I lay on that table.... so we took her with us so I could at least know she was okay and just down the hall. Then I had Saturday and Sunday to deal with her. It just drained me. She was always the closest one to me. She talked to me about everything...up until about a month ago. At first, I thought it was just that she was so busy with her social life and babysitting... then i couldn't take it anymore and started researching the kids myspace accounts...and then her friends....and so on. What a rude awakening. I didn't like the idea of the kids having myspace accounts...but had a feeling when they started them, that I should give them a little rope with it so I could see just what my kids are really dealing with among their friendships....what is going on in their lives.... i was right to do that. if i hadn't .... oh I hate to even think... So we sit her down and try asking her...nothing....then we start asking her about the things that we DO know about...nothing. We do a surprise lock-box inspection. (the kids bring us their lock boxes and keys - we've never actually done one before...but warned them when they got the boxes that it COULD happen at anytime) We take all the notes out and read them to her. We do a book bag inspection....we take a notebook out and read it to her. So it's all out in the open. Then I call the parent of the other child involved.... who just doesn't seem to be pickin' up what i'm putting down. I go confront the other child involved myself at her job....THAT gets through to the other parent...who now calls me to resolve this issue and has seen the light... So i guess whatever strength I had left got spent dealing with that. So now I sit here going back & forth.... one second just crying because I feel unprepared to deal with anything.... the next second fiesty and pissed thinking "oh, when I get healed....your azz is MINE!" I have this mental image of Bill Cosby's mother and a shoe.....

OH my gosh... How familiar... same song but different tune over here at my house... I felt so abandoned when I had my surgery last year! Now, no one, and I mean no one in my family knew i had surgery. I'm single and my son was just out of high school... I had surgery, in jUne of course, so it worked out fine... Told everyone I was going on vacation and happened to be the same time my sister and her family went to disney and my parents and such were boating.. So great, nobody missed me. I come home... 10 days post op... and can't walk straight ... does my son notice? NOPE. Nobody but one person notices... Heck nobody even noticed I lost the first 35 pounds!!! But anyway, I digress... I feel your pain... Yep it is the post op thingie happening... plus the events surrounding your teenager/young adult... it would make anyone cry. This too will pass... and besides.. it is easier to take all this crap when we weigh less than when we weighed more... yes?

That is what i cling to "this too shall pass" - everything does.... i don't know..... i wonder now if i were a more frightening opponent last year? You know, I just feel like the family waits patiently for my weakest moments to attack. Last year, I was in the middle of final exams and a research paper and a month away from RNY, when my middle son decided to do something so bad i had to call the cops on him and have him taken away in handcuffs. There's a lot of parents who would have tried to sweep a situation like that under the carpet....hide it...look the other way.... but DAMMIT i have got to teach these kids the difference between right and wrong and that everything has consequences. He has spent the last year on probation...and is in therapy. In fact, i have to take him to see his therapist today. I suppose I can look at all of this one of two ways: 1. Wow, look what obstacles I have already overcome - there's no reason i can't overcome whatever comes at me next. God never gives us more than we can handle. or 2. Man, look at all these obstacles...when is it ever gonna end??? I can't take anymore!!! My problem is, when I'm feeling weak.... it's the second statement ringing over and over.... When I have my groove back... WATCH out! Wonder woman (who now fills her suit ) is breaking out her lasso and hearding them together and tying it tight. All outsiders who try to influence and destroy the lives of my children will be crumbled llike a used dixie cup and tossed with my new sculpted arms!!

Hey Pam, Honey, I am sure you are depressed and who wouldn't be. A pretty natural reaction to surgery and all you are going through right now. I have been there, my son was hell on wheels for about 2 years, he did things that would make anybody's hair curl. My daughter had less but problems there too. They are now 28 and 22 and are 2 of the most fabulous people you'll ever want to meet. We all adore each other. There was a time when I didn't even know if I like my son although I always loved him despite himself. I think the reason they turned out so great is because I cared as much as you do, and gave them consequences, including calling the cops on my son too. So, you hang in there girl, it WILL pass but in the mean time, you have a tough job to do. It will get so much easier when you are recovered. Hugs, and Love and know I am out here for you!!! Jo

Thank you so much, Jo. I love that we can reach out on here about all aspects of our lives and struggles and find someone to identify with. There is no such thing as quick sand when you are surrounded by such great people. I started thinking back today...and remembered that i was horribly depressed after my RNY too. Then i got to lookin' around and saw a bunch of other people where suffering from post-op depression.... so at least I'm not abnormal. Just hope it subsides soon! Hearing about your kids gives me hope. My three middle children lived with their father up until 3 years ago....and we had to do an emergency change of custody because of their father's behavior. It has been a rocky road trying to straighten thier lives out. I had no idea the stuff that was going on in their home with their father....but soon as i found out...I pulled them out of there and got them all in therapy. My youngest daughter stayed in therapy the longest...and she has really come a long, long way and doesn't give me any trouble or get in any trouble. The older two finished therapy entirely too soon (looking back) and I think that is why we have had such issues. There are no parenting books for these kinds of things, ya know? I just hope in the end, they are all decent adults with morals and values and can survive in this world....and i hope they remember how much I loved them through it all. Hugs, Pam

Kids and pain will do it to you everytime! My 15 year old daughter has done some doozies!! We have done the full room inspection and lost door thing too! It sounds like your hubby is under alot of pressure right now too, so don't take it too personally. He is probably having a hard time with you being down and dealing with the other stuff too. I will pray for you spirits to lift. Tomorrow is a new day! You may have some surprises coming with everyone so just wait and see. I'm sure you will be the center of attention tomorrow. Love, Wendy

Wendy, isn't that lost door thing great??? It usually works real well around here since we have 5 kids. They all hate for the others to just be able to walk into their room...and they hate not being able to just shut the door & shut everyone out. Hubby has a lot on his plate. His grandmother is dying....they were going to take her off the respirator the other day...but haven't done it yet. She has a "Do not recussitate" order in place, so if her heart stops, they are not to do any life saving measures on her...just keep her comfortable. The kids acting up are my kids from my previous marriage... I'm down, which means more work for the kids as far as the house goes. (We have 7 people in this house - so it has to be kept on top of) People have been coming to look at our puppies (only one left to sell)... His mom's RV needs work and she wants it now, he's doing daycare drop off & pick up for our 6 year old AND t-ball... and then here i am being all needy. He blows and i just give him space and go do what I've gotta do. He comes around....and he already has. I was much better today, spiritwise. I know now that it's just healing that's slowing me down. I took my son to his appt, went out to lunch with him & my daughter, went to the grocery store, started dumping from lunch, and dashed home to lie down in the recliner - worn right out. I was hopeful today looking at my incisions. They seem so much better today than yesterday - it's like a sign that this phase is almost over - i just gotta hang on and look forward. Hope your mother's day is wonderful! Hugs, Pam

Good Lord, Pam. I can't believe the amount of stuff on your plate!!! Major surgery causes such upheaval with our hormones that most people go thru some degree of depression following major surgery anyway. But you also have REAL issues besides the surgery. My God, no wonder you're crying. Sweetie, be kind to yourself. Just being a parent of teenagers is enough to make a woman cry many times!! Also keep in mind that narcotic pain medication has a side effect of depression. So you've got a whole bunch of things going against you right now. Take care, we're here for you. By the way, remember I'm the one who had the hip replacement on 4/14? I have been going thru my own little ups and downs depression-wise since the surgery. It is normal. Between major surgery, narcotics, and being unable to drive or leave the house, I too have my crying fits. But this will pass. Think of how bad it got sometimes after the WLS last year. We made it thru that, we'll make it thru this. Sharon