The Blues

I am having surgery on 6-29, only nine more days to go. Something horrible happened yesterday which has left me feeling desperate, feeling awful about the way I am. Do I even deserve to have surgery, to feel better, be healthier, to feel like I even deserve to live? I am now so full of despair, sadness, hopelessness. I should be feeling so happy, so very lucky, looking forward to this surgery that will change my life - forever. Yet, here I sit with this dark ,desolate feeling of doom and gloom. God, get me out of this. I cannot even bring myself to say the words, to talk or write about what happened, it is so gross, so despicable. Some people might laugh and say what a minor thing it is. But it is ripping my heart out and I feel like I never want to be in the presence of another human being. How could I have brought such misery to so many people? I was starting to feel different, both physically and mentally. I was really getting prepared for this. All the sadness, despair and feelings of unworthiness would start to fade aways as the pounds drop off. Don't get me worng. I know I haver a lot of work to do, with self-esteem, confidence etc. But, I just didn't expect this, not now, not ever. I am sorry to be so vague. I am so overwhelmed that I am at a loss as to what to do. Thanks for listening....

Whatever may have happened to you cannot become an obstacle unless you let it. You are a caring person and deserve everything that life has for you- just like we all are that post here. There is nothing in this life that has more meaning than you, is loved more than you, and is cared for more than you. Seek inside yourself and find the love that is there. God will show you if you can't find it yourself. Whatever has happened, you need to let it go and concentrate on who you are, not what other people may think you are. You are a winner, and nothing can change that. I'll be praying for you. Email me if you need to talk. God Bless Patti

Hello, Patti, Thank you for your kind words of encouragement. I will pray and look forward to the 29th. Thanks for caring... Tami

Hello Tamarah, I am also going in on the 29th and I am so sorry your going through such heartache right now. I wish I could give you a big hug and let you know that although things seem bleek right now that in a couple months they will be brighter. You need to look for that silver lining Tamarah. God said he would never leave or forsake you and he is true to that. Don't give up now when you have come so far. Don't let satan lie and steal that happyness God is holding for you. The Lord will forgive you and you need to forgive you. Sometimes stuff happens, we're not perfect and we never will be but you can learn from this experience and then move on. Don't punish yourself, you ask for forgiveness and move on and try to do better the next time around.. I love you, God loves you and you have a whole lot of people here for you so please give yourself a hug for me, go read some of the word and keep your chin up. You will make it through this and you have my prayers, please keep in touch ok? I will be praying and looking for you. We can get through this, we are strong and we can do all things through Christ!!! God Bless you! ~Trish~

Hi, Trish, Thanks for the encouraging words. I know I just need to hand things over to God... I hope your surgery goes well on the 29th. God bless you! Tami

Hello Tamarah, Just know that you are a special person. Whatever has happened, please don't let it steal your happiness. I have always liked this saying: "Dear God, Help me to remember that nothing is going to happen today that You and I cannot handle." Give Him your cares and then let go and let Him handle the situation for you. Try this little exercise. Write it down, then burn the paper. As the paper turns to smoke and ashes whatever is bothering you will be lifted from your shoulders. Hugs and Prayers Nancy

Hi, Nancy, Thanks your writing - good advice! Your surgery is tomorrow! God bless you and I pray that all will go well!! How kind of you to send hugs and caring my way...Right back atcha.... Tami

Tamarah, Without knowing what is so terrible, the only thing I can offer you is that you will feel better after your surgery. Most people have feelings of gloom and doom before surgery, not knowing if they will make it through surgery or how family and friends will react to it. I honestly did not have any problems before surgery and waited anxiously for my day to arrive. I had the Verical Banded Gastroplasty on June 2, 2000 and due to some problems with reflux and vomiting, I had to have the Lap Roux-en-Y Revision Gastric Bypass surgery on March 15, 2004. I have lost about 210 lbs and have about another 15-25 lbs to lose but am happy with where I am now. Mentally I still feel fat at times and shy just like I did when I was 372 lbs but most people will always feel fat regardless of there weight just because they are so use to be overweight. I can tell you my physical health has greatly improved. I did not have any major health problems but was being watched for high blood pressure. My energy level is sometimes out of this world. I can at least enjoy going to the amusement park and ride rides, sit in booths at restaurants and walk at least 3 miles a day. I have also completed 3 mini-marathons in Indianapolis where I live. I will keep you in my prayers for your upcoming surgery.

Tamarah, I too am haveing surgery my surgery is on 7-15-04.I have waited so long for this and now that I'm so close to my date I'm so scared.I know what your going through.To top it off my boyfriend broke up with me two days ago,so I'm really hurting now.He promised me he would be by my side through all of this.On the 26th of June we would be together three years.What hurts me even more is that he was my friend for five years before he was my boyfriend.Since the begining he did'nt want me to do the surgery because,he said I would change and leave him,but I guess he beat me to it.I really don't want to go through this without him.I know god will be by my side to guide me through this and I know he will be by your side too.Keep your head up and remember your in our thoughts and prayers always. Always, Maria Aguilera