Because John told me to...

I am stepping out of hiding! I've spoken a lot about my recent struggles, which is why I've kept a relatively low-profile on here. I won't lie - I'm having a really, really hard time coping with my food issues. I was a binge eating before my surgery, and after months of not physically being able to binge...I am doing it again. Obviously I still have a smaller stomach than I did a year ago, but I'm still continuously turning to food for comfort. And it isn't a matter of keeping busy or distracted. I have been keeping a food journal but when I get home at 10-11-midnight, it seems like nothing seems to stop me. I've mentioned here before, it's like I'm purposely sabotaging my efforts...and this is what I need help coping with. I don't want to be the person I was a year ago. I can't even look at pictures of myself this time last year at my highest weight...so why do I get into this destructive behavior time and time again? I've spoken to my support group people about it, I've spoken to my surgeon about this and am in the process of getting help! I know I need to change these patterns of behavior. I knew all along that it would come to this - I just figured it would take a couple of years and not 9 months! Understandably it's very hard for me to share this with people and I do feel horribly guilty just admitting it to myself even. I am around, I read the boards every day, I just don't want to be a party-pooper and seem all negative and pessimistic, you know?

But, we're here and we want to help!!! Don't stay away. I'm certain you're not the only one with this behavior. I'll be honest. I've been doing it a lot lately. Food has always been my comfort. When things get rough around here, I find the 100 calorie snacks. It sucks being ignored, or treated like a freaking slave, in a marriage. So, at night after Britt goes to bed, I'm left on my own. I grab a 100 cal bag or fudgesicles and the TV remote. I see the old patterns and I'm trying my darnedest to do something about it. I used to LOVE to scrapbook. Since I'm anal about my pages, I've never eaten at my scrap table. Water's fine but no food. So, I'm trying to get back into doing that. When you don't get home until those late hours, it sucks! Food calls to me the most right before I hit the sheets. You know what you have to do to be successful. What's more important to you right now? I'll bet it's not cookies. Is there an outfit or something special you want to do? Next time the cookies or whatever is calling, remember how difficult it would be to get in that outfit or take that special outing. Remember how much EASIER it'll be when you're near goal! Or, find one of us on Yahoo Instant Messenger! Yell for us! I'm usually on at night and pretty late. My ID is Lv2beasahm. I'll talk you down from the bad food. Or, PM one of us. Let us HELP you through this! You're doing great and you know what it'll take. We love you! You can do this!!!!! * Cyndi *

Well I for one have missed ahveing you around and posting and I am sure I am not alone there. We are going to go through rough times and I for one am not losing like I would like and it is not as easy as it was at first for sure!!! But we are here. Let us support you and you in turn will support us. We are all having to learn new habits nad will have struggles. And you could help someone else along the way! Donna

Wondered where you have been. Don't you worry about party pooping. We all have rotten days or bad times. We are here to help one another and you are family. Sending you positive energy from NY

Chantal, We are here to support through the good, the bad, and the ugly. There are ugly times for all of us....we regret eating that piece of #@*&#@. You have been an inspiration to all of us. You are one who helped gel this support group (message board & chats) when we were first getting started, so if we can help you now in any way, you just let us know. You really want to get the demons under control now. I posted a message on the graduate board and found that a majority of the people said that it was MUCH harder to maintain than it was to lose the initial weight. We stop getting all of the attention and we have to do this for the rest of our lives without all of the oohhhhh...and ahhhhh's. So, let us be your friend again, and let's reinvent what we need to to get to where we want to go. Set some goals, but don't be disappointed if you don't hit them. Only be disappointed if you make NO progress toward them. Any small step is a step in the right direction. We care about you little sis. John

Oh Chantal...wish I could give ya a big hug girl. I seem to be riding the same crazy train that you are. I never even used to think of myself as a binge eater, or even an emotional eater. But I realize now that I am and that I have food issues that I need to cope with as well. And just like you- I'm almost embarassed to talk about it here. I'm ashamed of the fact that I'm doing it and it's like I don't want to admit it to all these wonderful people who are working so hard to be successful at this. I don't want to be the downer among the great wow moments. It's hard because I know that we need each other- we are going through the same things and we can help each other through it. You know I'd always be here to talk with ya whenever you'd need it. We can chat or PM me or whatever. You know where to find me. Keep your head up friend!! Kathy

Chantal, I have also been staying away because I have figured that I am an emotional eater too and felt the guilt after stepping on the scale to find that I had gained back 10 pounds. Well, kicked myself in the butt, got those 10 pounds off and going for the rest now. I came back. That I guess is what helped me realize once again that I am not alone and neither are you. You are beautiful girl and will accomplish all your goals...