Missing in Action....long post...

Hi there Mayers!! I've been kind of MIA lately...so sorry. I think about you guys a lot and I read the boards daily. I guess I've just had a lot goin on these days... Here's my update- could be long... I have a new man in my life and he's wonderful. He is so sweet and kind and I know that he really, really cares about me. One problemo- He's got some serious health issues. He's 25 (I know- young for me, but whatever...) and already has a lot of weight related health complications- high blood pressure, sleep apnea, high cholesterol. It's all controlled by medication which is good that it's in check, but he's so young to have all those problems. So the problem is that I feel like we have a drastic difference in lifestyle. He eats crappy food and is always tired. He needs like at least 12 hours of sleep a night. I feel like I took some pretty drastic measures to ensure that I wouldn't end up with those typical weight related types of health issues and he seems to think that because he is taking medication, that everything is fine and he can hit the buffet again. I've had 2 conversations with him now about how I'm concerned about his health and he keeps telling me that he'll do something about it. Well he hasn't, of course. And I just feel like everytime we're together doing things- I'm being the food police in my head and worrying about what he's doing to his body. And on top of that- I feel like I eat things that I know I shouldn't be eating when I'm with him. So here's my real issue- I feel like I have come TOO far to go back down that road with anyone. I will never put my health in jeopardy again no matter what. This is a deal breaker for me. But I feel like if I cut him loose because of this- does that make me judgemental or mean? Should I try to help him or give him a chance? He is a super super sweet guy and I know that he loves me. But I can't go back to that place. Am I being fair?? I need some other opinions on this one... Aside from my man troubles...I'm doing ok. I have been gaining and loosing the same 3 pounds for like 6 weeks now. I can't seem to get past 169. I know it's because I'm totally eating things that I shouldn't. I'm WAY to heavy on the carbs, and I'm sure I'm low on protein. I've slipped on my vitimins also. I go back to the doctor on 2/7, and I'm terrified that my labs will be all jacked up. I'm not sure how I got so off track, but I know I need to focus on me and get my body back together. Anyway- I'm coming back to the boards. I think that talking with you guys helps to keep me on the straight and narrow with myself. Donna is right- we need to keep on posting!! Thanks for listening- as always. Kathy

First, welcome back!!! We've missed you!!!! As for the b/f. You know what you have to do for you. You CANNOT let someone sabotage all the hard work you've done. I watch my stupid husband order from the pizza place at 10 pm. He always asks if I want something. WTF??? I just say "thanks. no.". I KNOW he's sabotaging me. I'm not stupid. I'm at 152 lbs. I'm feeling good. I guess I look good. I still see 265 lb me in the mirror. But, I REFUSE to let his stupidity with food affect me. You already know you can't "make" someone eat healthy. He "chooses" to go down this path. Super sweet guy or not, he's slowly killing himself. He has that stupid mindset my husband has. Like you can do whatever you want. The pills MUST be magic. You said he's 25. He's got it in his head that he's immortal. Age 25 you know EVERYTHING about EVERYTHING. He figures he's too young to die....comorbidities or not. Tell ya something pal. My cousin was killed by a drunk driver at age 27 and it'll be 20 years in April. He was minding his own business driving home from helping his brother-in-law build a deck. So, we're NEVER immortal. If it were me, I'd be having one HUGE heart-to-heart. But DO NOT let his ridiculousness sabotage your hard work. I refuse to let anyone dictate what I eat. I just sit back and watch in horror at all the **** my husband eats. I just make sure all the insurance is paid up. If he continues the path, it's his fault he had the heart attack, not mine. It's time to be selfi****ake care of YOU!!!!!! I'm in a man-hater mood today so take what you like from it. LOL * Cyndi *

Hi Kathy, If you cut him loose because of this- that doesn't make you judgemental or mean put all your cards on the table with him in a --short-- time you will know if he will be understanding and helpfull in your new life style. if he is not maybe the best thing is to start cutting. side note hey Cyndi --WOW-- LOL I have guess I have an advantage my wife and I did the surgery the same time GOOD LUCK Don

Don, you'd have to read my blog to get it. My husband has been anything but supportive. Let's just say I was driving and back to housework, cooking, cleaning, etc., the day I got home from my open RNY. I just see no reason to waste time with someone who is so stupid to take meds and think they're magical. My husband does it all the time. He has more scripts than my 92 year old grandfather. Yet, he still orders a large stromboli every other night and eats the whole thing himself! No one needs appetizer, soup, salad, main course and huge dessert for just themselves. If you're going to be that stupid, then so be it. But, we've made huge, life-changing decisions to make ourselves happy and healthy. And for someone to happily try to sabotage us just ****** me to no end. No matter how much you say, or doctors say, if someone wants to eat themselves to death, so be it. The only one who can change you is YOU. My husband's had cardiac caths and continues the path. He'll be 44 in May. His father had his first massive heart attack/stroke at age 47. The difference? My husband is about 300 lbs and happy. My FIL is about 150 lbs, a runner, goes to the gym every day, etc. He always has. Who's more likely to go down? I'd say my husband. I'm past the pity. I saved my life but I can't save his. He has to make the choice and he chooses to eat like it's his last meal.....every meal. I'm sorry I'm harsh but Kathy shouldn't have to save this guy from himself. And, she shouldn't be sabotaged. He may be sweet but his elevator surely doesn't go to the top floor. He's on meds. He knows he has problems. You saved yourself Kathy. Remember.....To Thine Own Self Be True. * Cyndi *

Hey Cyndi I read your blog and understand, he should be supportive you deserve it and earned it, I agree with you 100% about people who think we took the easy way out thats just bull, this was one of the best things I have done for my body and myself but also it was the Scariest to. I wonder how easy they would think it is laying on the operating table just before they put you under, I hope things work out for you , I Know it will you sound very strong and determined. also I notice you are very supportive to many people here. Don

Heya Kathy, you've been missed! I agree 101% with what Don and Cyndi have said. This is your time to be selfish and you have worked so hard to get where you are at right now, you need to think of yourself. It doesn't make you judgmental and mean, if anything, maybe it'll make him see things clearer. You've taken this enormous step for your health, perhaps he should to. If he isn't willing or ready, there's nothing you can say or do really, we've all been down that road before. I think we're all getting back on track after the holidays still. My scale has not been cooperating for months it feels like and I'm so sick of it See you around darling!

Kathy!!!!!!!! Good to see you!! Wondered where you had gotten to!!!! well you know......we are at the point in our lives we are doing soemthing to help ourselves and it is important to surround ourselves with those that help us reach that goal. You said yourself you are eating things with him you would not otherwise. If you are doing that know just imagine how it would be down the road. I know having someone in your life is nice and what you want. But not the wrong person. thsi surgery is going ot be opening so many doors for you.....and when the time is right you will find the right person for you. And making that descision and telling him does not make you judgemental. You are wanting a healthier lifestyle....he isn't. If you wanted kids and he didn't would that be judgemental to end it? Hugs to you Kathy! you will figure out what is best for you. Donna

Hi Kathy, I'm really a June 07, but my friend April is a May so.. I'm always checking in on hers to see what you guys are up to. Anyway, I thought I'd add my 3 cents. My mother always used an expression.." You have to truly care about yourself ..before you can expect anyone else to". Keep that in mind. Don't undo everything you work soooo hard for. My belief is that I risk my life for this weight loss surgery & I'll be damned if my life isn't worth the price I paid. Back to the expression...I walk down the road..there is a hole, I fall in. The next day I walk down the same road. I fall in the same hole. The next day, I take a different road !!!! If this man doesn't want to take the new road with you & you care about yourself...You'll take the new road without him. Nothing shallow about truly caring about your health.