Some of my crazy thougths

This is a thought that I have been having. I can honestly say that I used to over eat. I mean I can't believe how much I used to eat. Before I would eat with other people a normal large amount then hide and eat more. I didn't want people to know how much I was really eating. Don't get me wrong this wasn't every day but it is way more then I would like to admit. Another thing that occurred to me is when I was laying in bed like a light bulb going off "OMG did I really have this surgery" this was just the other day. I can't believe this is for life. That I will never be 200lbs again. I can't wrap my brain around the fact that I had surgery that will affect the rest of my life. I have dreamed about this for 5 or 6 years and its here. The surgery is done the pain is over (knock on wood) and the weight loss and life style change is well in way. I hope that I can be a true success and talk to other people who want this surgery. I read the post from Amy Williams on the RNY board about the choice we all have to make. It reminded me of when I was 1 month out. I was at the drs office waiting for my post op and one of the people from my support group who I knew WAY before I had surgery ran over to me and said "OMG don't you just love this surgery? Wouldn't you recommend this to EVERYONE" and I replied NO, I wouldn't and thats true. This has been a much harder road then I dreamed it would be. The feelings and thoughts I have had to deal with. The fact that I can't have the things I love and that I can't eat as much as I want are all things I have had to deal with. I would say I think it was a great choice for me. I'm happy now. ok if you read all this hats off to you LOL. post if you have any thoughts you want to share. I think I'll put this into my blog too.... Hugs Rebecca

I agree with you Rebecca and I too wondered what I had done to myself in that first month. It took awhile for it to level out. At times still I wonder if I can have or do certain things. I don't dump when I eat surgar so I still have to make the choice of having it or eating something healthy with protein. I wonder about diet soda and beer, not that I would over do it on any of those things. It is still just such a head game and everyday I have to convince myself to use the new tool I have to the best of my ability. I don't ever want to go back and I am so glad that I had this surgery. Remembering that nothing tastes as good as thin feels. Hugs, Sue

I totally feel you Rebecca... And since we're sharing- I found this on the WLS in your 20's board back in June (where I kind of lurk around, but don't really post). It was written by someone I don't know, but it really struck me. I posted it to my blog cause I was so inspired by it. It seems appropriate to share in this situation as well. Is this the easy way? No way! But success is always easier than failure and for the first time in my life, I see success in my weight loss efforts. People tell me all the time that they could never do it...eating so little and not being able to eat certain things but they really don't understand...being fat is not easy. Feeling self consious and unworthy is not easy. Having people not look past the outer coating of fat to see the real person and their value is not easy. Knowing that people are looking at you in a negative way is not easy. Compared to my life a year ago, this is cake! It's funny because so many people that I meet look at me as if I have been thin forever and that my life must be easy in certain ways because of the way I look. This year has taught me even more than I ever knew about judging people at first glance. Sometimes when people who don't know me say things about the way I look, I think to myself, if you only knew. Anyway, I'm rambling on but you get the idea! For those of you contemplating surgery...make no mistake, your life WILL change. I always remember going to weigh****chers and hearing people say that nothing tastes as good as thin feels but I never really got to thin so that statement never did a whole lot for me but now, at 147 pounds I can definitely tell you that NOTHING tastes as good as thin feels. Yesterday I was in the mall and I walked past a kiosk selling all kinds of candies and good smelling stuff and for about a second I thought, "Wow, I miss being able to have that." By the time I took about 5 more steps into a store and picked up a pair of medium pants, I had forgotten all about the smells that had almost captured me. In the past year I have never regretted my decision to have WLS. My only regret is that I didnt do it years earlier. For those of you in a battle with the insurance company, feeling like you are fighting the never ending battle, stay focused and don't give up...I did that and I won. There were moments when I was ready to give up and now those days are just a distant memory. I hope you are all doing well! I must say that I'm very glad to have you all in my life. There are a lot of people out there that don't understand what we all we are experiencing. So I really appreciate having all of you to vent to or get advice from or anything. Just my little thank you Kathy

I agree with everything that has been written...and I also agree that even with as much as I knew going into this................I NEVER thought it would be as hard as it's been. I will say it has gotten SO much easier over the last month or so. I don't feel tortured when I drive past sonic or Wendy's anymore. For the most part I can say I think that most fast food is so gross and unhealthy! I won't say that I don't occassionaly crave fast food--because I do...but it's definitely WAY less often than it was a couple months ago. I used to eat fast food daily...now I pretty much never do. I actually feel good working out now...and I get upset now when my crazy work schedule prevents me from going to Curves. I've gone the last 3 days in a row without blinking an eye. The best thing about it is--I don't have to force myself or talk myself into it anymore. When I used to go to Curves in Michigan, I had to drag myself into the place---and literally drag myself out. While I was working out I constantly watched the clock so I knew how many more minutes I had to go---now I don't even know where the clock is in that place! I LOVE LOVE LOVE that feeling. I'm 25 lbs away from being 100 lbs down----in 3 months time! That's AMAZING to me. I know it will feel SO good the day the scale reads 267. Such a random number---but for me...that will be 100 lbs gone FOREVER. I'm so thankful that I made the decision to jump into this when I did. I think this is the best thing I have ever done for myself. For the first time since I can remember.......I'm actually looking forward to what's to come in life! I actually cried today because I'm starting to feel so happy. I'm planning all kinds of trips and vacations. I'm so excited about everything!!! =) Now I just need to find myself a HUSBAND!!!!!!! ;) LOL

Rebecca, I agree too!! It hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized this is the way it will always be, which is fine with me. I also would not recommend this for everyone. I have told so many people it is the hardest thing I have ever done. You really have to be committed. I had someone ask me the other day........"How do you get it to stop so you don't get too thin?" I actually said I am not sure. I was so concentrated on losing the weight, I haven't really thought about it much. I just guess my body will taper off when it should. I know this sounds strange, but I just don't think I will have that problem. I don't ever see myself being "too" thin. Hugs, Bets.

Rebecca, I so feel the same way! In fact I came to a realization on Tuesday I was going to post about but was too busy cleaing house to come post. There are a series of post going on the Texas board where one person was posting the I made a mistake/failure post and was expecting the "you are doing great" boosting post. Instead one individual gave her a buck up and get ready for a fight post. And this has gone back and forth....blown out of proportion but as I was reading I realized.....I had sunk into such a woe is me rut. With all that has been going on I lost my feeling intially had of "WOW" and was more "what have I done!" I did ntt anytime regret having the surgery , but was just really getting down on this is so much work, causing this or that, blah blah blah and had lost focus. So my realization was ok so you have kidney stones, but if I had continued and not had the surgery I could have easily ended up with diabetes, high blood pressure, heart problems etc and this was just around the corner!!! I was slipping into the "I can't ever eat the same" rut and was just really getting depressed. This whole process has been amazing! I have lost 50lbs and had no idea how bad I felt. And the best thing is eating to live not living to eat. I have to make myself eat....could go all day and not eat. What! Never ever did I think I would say that. We went to dinner the other night and here everyone was ordering tons of food .....fried seafood and I ordered one grilled scallop a la carte and had a few bites of salad. So when my tiny scallop came (ok I should have ordered 2 or 3 as they were real little) but my friend was "oh you poor thing is that all you get to eat?" But I ate my scallop and it was yummy and I was able to eat some salad and I had been missing salad and I watched them all be miserable and I was satisfied. Full....not stuffed and felt great afterwards!!! So I wasn't the poor thing.....my husband and she were miserable after eating. I found pics of me when I got down to 150lbs ....some 15 years ago now and they are on my refrigerator to remind me of what is to come . Ok, so gravity will not have things in the samplaces as in my 20's but I cannot wait!!!! But my point of my ramble is I feel blessed to have been given this wonderful opportunity. sure it is tough, and there are challenges, and I have to work at it.....but in the end.....wow what a life I will have. Being able to enjoy life with my kids!!!!! What a gift!!! Was it tough? Sure it has been and continues to be. But would I do it again....well I am confident I will not have to as I AM going to be successful( LOL) but ABSOLUTELY!!!! Ok, I have to think about everythign I eat, and if I choose to make bad choices there will be consequences, but in the end...wow! I just have to remind myself to be patient. It is not goign to happen overnight but soon. Sometimes I want it to be even sooner LOL! I however, would and have been recommending the surgery. I have had the opportunity since my surgery to speak at my surgeons seminars and anwer questions abouthte surgery you know the real things people want to know. does it hurt? what is the eating really like? How has it been going back to work? and I am honest. The one thing for me I did nto realize was the eating. Ok I know you eat less and had gotten that in the research but I di dnot realize that I would be on 1 0z of liquid ever 15 min for the first several weeks. Or that one day I coudl eat chicken but hte next day eat the same chicken and bam ....foamies! But after my initial mornign for food I realized there is more to look forward to. sure I could not eat the food I loved but now I LOVE to play witht he kids, jump on the trampoline, go to the water park and bike ride when it gets cooler.....who needs food! who has time! I have too much to do to have time to eat!!! LOL! Ok, enough of my rambling.....I have to get the kids ready for meet the teacher today. School start monday! whooo hooo!