So Scared! Caution!

I am 27 years old and I have been married for almost 10 years. We have a 2 year old son. I'm a stay at home mom and Gabriel is our life. I'm so excited about having surgery and starting my new life so I can feel better playing on the floor with my son or running around at the park. I just don't want to die. Isn't that why I'm having the surgery? I have been under anesthesia before no problems, but something about this scares me..maybe its because everyone is so willing to tell you "oh I knew this guy/gal and they died " arg..I tell my hubby my fears and he just dismisses them. Probable because a. he doesn't want to think about it and b. he thinks if he stays positive then it will help me. I can't imagine someone else being with my husband or raising my son. I know in my heart everything will be ok. That doesn't stop my mind from running crazy. Anyone having the same thoughts....have anyone found some peace? I feel so selfish for not being able to change before it got this far. My surgery is scheduled for May 9th. Here are my stats : BMI 42 No health problems other then PCOS. Last surgery 11/06 for female stuff. A heart felt thanks for anyone *****ads this or replies! Rebecca

Rebecca, it is perfectly normal to be scared of the unknown. I am a little scared but nothing too serious. Maybe because I am little bit older than you and my kids are grown. You have every right to be worried, you are having major surgery. There are always risks. Just remember why you are doing this. It will get you through!! Best wishes, Betsy

Betsy, Thank you so much for validating my feelings and your uplifting words. I know your right..everything will be fine. God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. I'm looking so forward to hearing how surgery goes for you and its nice to have such wonderful people who are willing in there own time of need reaching out and lifting someone else up. I'm not a down kind of person, everything is 1/2 full so these thoughts are new to me. Thank you again for your words and lets stay in touch. Rebecca

Hi Rebecca, I completly understand your feelings and they are normal. I am also having surgery..rny..may 9th so we can go thru it together. I am a stay at home mom of a two yr old..riley. he is my life. I tell my self that if I dont have the surgery I could die too, because of all my health issues. So I need to go ahead and just do it for my self and my child. I WANT MY LIFE BACK!! I want to see him go to school, ride roller coasters with him, go to his graduation. My peace know is that I am trying to gain life back for my self and riley. our husbands..not to say anything bad, but i have found alot of times they are not good with how to say what they really mean. they keep their emotions hidden. I KNOW YOU WILL DO GREAT!! i LOVE THIS SITE BECAUSE YOU CAN GET SO MUCH SUPPORT AND LEARN SO MUCH.. SO PLEASE EMAIL ME ANYTIME. TINA PS. LAST APRIL 2006 I HAD A FULL HYSTERECTOMY. IF I CAN SURVIVE THAT I KNOW I CAN THIS...GOOD LUCK...

Tina, Sounds like we are both in the same place in our life. Thank you so much for all your kind words. It really means a lot to me. TBH I didn't think anyone would read or respond. I totally know where your coming from with all your dreams of things to do with Riley, I feel the same way. I know we will both get through this and I can't believe our surgery is on the same day!!! Seems like we are meant to get thought this together! I'm glad we meet and please keep in touch as will I. I love this site because of people like you and the previous poster. A heart felt thank you again! Rebecca

Hi Rebecca, I have been having the same exact feelings since I have made the decision to pursue this surgery. I have two children boy 14 and girl 11 and it scares me to death to think of them without me as their mother. I did alot of praying about this surgery and how to recognize if the Lord wanted me to have it or not. Well I do morning devotions and one of my devotions what about how the Lord helps us take the right path and if we stray toward the wrong path He allows road blocks. I decided that was the sign I needed to recognize if I should pursue this surgery. Well I did and so far there have been NO road blocks, everything has went so smooth for me check out my profide and you will read my story. I am still scared even though things have gone so smooth. I said a prayer for you this morning and this verse came to mind that I have been seeing alot in the christian fiction I am reading: Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Not sure if you have a relationship with the Lord, but seek him and He will give you strength for your New Life. He sure has mine. I would love it if you would add me to your friend list and we can keep in touch. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers. Terri

Terri, Your post made me cry. How thoughtful of you to pray for someone you don't even know. I really believe what you said, and I do have a relationship with god. I was telling one of my friends that I knew if this wasn't the right thing then god would have stepped in and her response was god lets us make our own decisions even if that means death. Talk about rocking my world. I do find comfort in the verse that you have posted for me. I know in my heart that everything will go great. I"m going to be a success. I will keep in touch as I hope you do too, Thank you again. Rebecca

Rebecca, Don't worry hun, your feelings are completely normal...actually your post sounds a lot like the one I posted on Monday night minus the panic and anxiety attacks I had all day. I too have a husband of 4 years and a 20 month old daughter. I was feeling very selfish for putting myself at a risk for my own needs to be thinner considering there is a chance of death. I too don't have any life threatening diseases....YET. I'm 27 also...so we are both young...I can only imagine what would happen if I am this weight in another 15 years...I can kiss my good cholesterol, low blood sugar and pressure, and no heart issues goodbye. The health problems I have are joint pain, gastric reflux, PCOS, and asthma...so nothing that is considered life threatening at the moment. All I can say is when I posted my panic post...I received a lot of support from people on here both pre-op and post-op...and they said I was doing it at the right time, when there is less chance of complications with co-morbidities. They said about 1 month pre-op is when it sinks in, really in, and the mind starts to wonder the "what-if's". I'm a pretty in control person most of the time so you can imagine how freaked I was to have panic and asthma attacks all day with crying episodes, etc, I looked like a basketcase. I had the same gut feeling you are having...I too have had a lot of previous surgeries for female issues and had a c-section that was from hell...but I just imagine how much better it will be when I don't have those problems, or as severe after my surgery...no guarantee they will go away, but I'm willing to take that chance so I can go play with my daughter, Carlee, and work out with my husband (he's a marine)--probably won't be able to keep up but at least post op I'll make an effort rather than feel hopeless. I talked to my husband about my feelings too and got kind of the same response...he didn't want to hear about the negative...he's scared too and nervous but knows how much it could change our lives especially mine. I am not the same person I once was before tipped the scales at 300...seems when I hit that mark my self esteem, along with any dignity when down the crapper. My surgery is May 16th...I decided I will surround myself with only positive people...people are willing to offer their opinion when not asked, if someone starts to say something negative, I stop them and say I don't need to hear anything negative right now, I have done the research, weighed the pros and cons and am making the best decision for me and my family...no one has a right to make you feel bad for your choices...the day someone makes me feel bad about my weight are over...because I am doing something about it. Please take care and don't hesitate to email me or if you have yahoo messenger my id is jamielynn_md --Jamie

Jamie, Sounds like were a lot alike. I"m glad I'm not the only one feeling like this. That would probable mean something is wrong. I guess we just take the risks to heart and have made this choice knowing full well what the outcome could be. I hope since we have done that we will work hard after the surgery to make this a life long success. I"m going to take your advice and tell people I don't want to hear any bad stuff anymore because its not helpful. I have made up my choice and up until Monday when I had my final consult I was fine, then I think it all sank in. I am really excited so I"m going to focus on that and enjoy everyday until my surgery with my family. My brothers bday is wed and mine is Friday, were going to have a great busy week LOL. Thank you again for posting. I know I'm not crazy for feeling this way. Lets keep in touch. I'll add you to my friends list. Rebecca

Rebecca, your feelings are completely normal. It's funny because I've had so many surgeries that I'm kind of non-chalant about the whole thing. It's my husband who is so darned obsessed with death. And, yes, all I hear is horror stories too. But, go to a support group meeting. Drag hubby along if you can. You'll be able to talk to people who've done it and you'll feel so much better about your decision. I've gone to quite a few meetings and then hubby *finally* went to one Friday night. They moved their entire agenda aside to spend 1.5 hours talking to us about everything. I think Mark feels a little better about it. In the long run, we're making a decision that IS going to change our lives.....for the better! I also have PCOS and my doctor assures me that situation will feel a lot better after I lose the weight. We're about the same. My BMI is 41.9 and the only problem that made me decide is that I had both knees reconstructed in 1987 & 1989. With all this weight it's HORRIBLE for me to go up and down steps. My surgery is May 23 and I'll turn 42 on May 29th. So, I was young when I had the knees done. I *know* how much better they'll be after I lose all this pudge. If you want to talk, my email is [email protected] and my Yahoo Instant Messenger is also Lv2beasahm. As you can see, I'm a stay-home mommy too! My baby is 10 and she's beyond excited that I'm doing this. She's my walking buddy! We're all gonna do GREAT!!!!!!! * Cyndi *