I find them hard to find most of the time as well...especially when people around me think I have a fairy tale life (which is very far from the truth)(life most of the time feels totally crappy for me too) . but I will try! lets see....... 1. I am trying to be proud of myself (even if I'm alone in this) 2. I have started to declutter and go through all my junk!

OMG!!!!!!!!! Glad you are alright now!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hope your feeling better soon!

Go see your surgeon - s/he will understand and maybe be able to help. And getting to 165 is fantastic too!! I know it's probably difficult for you right now, but try to see all the loss you HAVE acheived rather than the loss you've regained (glass half full rather than half empty - although for us it's more like we're half empty (being smaller) rather than being full (size, that is ). Hope that make sense - just my twisted way of looking at things!!!!!!!!

(((((((((((Heather))))))))))) A truck full of love & hugs coming your way..... You've had a horrendous time. Has the medication dosage been sorted out yet? Please dont' feel you have to stay away and feel like a failure. Even though at times I do because my numbers aren't moving as fast as others or aren't as low as others - in reality, none of us are failures. We are ALL doing a fantastic job, no matter where we are at. We have all had a huge mountain to climb, to overcome our obesity, and to even take the first step and have wls we have done amazingly and making that decision to improve our lives. Think back - was it an easy decision? I know for me it was a huge step to take. Each day we take small steps, sometimes they maybe a little off course, but as I constantly say - we are on a wholelistic (sp?) journey - one of body mind and spirit, not just a body journey. We need to take the time to heal the whole of us, , which is what you have been doing. It is important that you get your medication sorted out right and your medical problems resolved and addressed. I personally find it difficult to focus on weight loss when I am dealing wth other issues in my life. But we can always come back to our weight loss. Don't worry about gaining 20 pounds. You know the reasons and you know how to resolve the problem. Once you are up and about you will burn up more calories in your general daily life, and can think more about making wiser food choices. You've made a great decision to come back on the boards - stick around through thick and thin - and we will all get there in the end, no matter how long it takes us. We can learn from those who have gone ahead in the numbers and support each of their new experiences and we can support and cheer on each other who are not at maintenance yet. It is not a competition, it is a life long journey (Can you tell I'm talking to myself here too!!! )

Hi everyone, I've been away from the message boards for several months, as I've had several life changes that have made me put the weight loss/surgery issue on the back burner. Unfortunately, this also meant that I reverted to old habits, particularly using food for emotional comfort. As a result of that and medication issues, I have regained 20 pounds from my goal weight, which I was at in April. I'm going to tell what's been going on - its a long story so you don't have to read it all, but its therapeutic for me to tell. I have fibromyalgia/chronic fatigue syndrome, which basically means chronic muscle pain. It is treated with antidepressants, as serotonin and norepinephrine suppress the perception of pain. In the fall, I was feeling great, had lots of energy, and little pain. The only problem was that becuase I had lost a lot of weight, I was now overmedicated with the antidepressants (high blood pressure, heart rate>120 while lying down). So, my doctor cut my medication in half. For those of you familiar with antidepressants, you know that it takes several weeks for any change in medication to show an effect. By January I had lots of fatigue and severe pain. So, the doctor increased the medication again, but not as high as the original level. During this time it was difficult for me to work (spending most of my time in bed). I was given tylenol with codeine and gabapentin to help with pain until the antidepressants kicked in. Then, when the antidepressants kicked in, the high blood pressure returned so I was put on high blood pressure medication. I was also experiencing some anxiety/agitation from the higher levels of medication. So I was given an anti-anxiety medication to help wtih this. By July, I was on all of these medications and had already begun to regain weight; becasue: 1) some of the medications make me gain weight, 2) some of the medications limit my ability to make good choices - disinhibition , 3) I have not been able to exercise, and have spent most of my time in bed, and 4) I'm emotionally overwhelmed with all of this so I want to comfort myself with food. I've not been able to get much work done which scares me that someone will ask me to go on medical leave without pay which I can't afford to do (I'm single and live in San Francisco - super expensive place to live). Fortunately my employer has not been able to get me an office until this past week. Up until now I have been "working from home" which basically means working when I can and resting the rest of the time. This has also made me feel anxious which of course makes me want to eat. Now I've gained about 20 pounds from my goal weight. I have postponed my meeting with my surgeon because I am ashamed and embarassed about my weight regain. I see her next week, and am anxious about the appointment. I also now have to get off of the narcotic pain medications which is incredibly difficult (is there an emoticon for pulling one's hair out?). These are the closest: I've also avoided the boards during this time because sometimes its hard to see how well others are doing when you are feeling like you are failing. This doesn't mean that I'm not happy for how the rest of you are doing So, I'm back and really need the support and accountability that this board offers. You are all great people and I admire each and every one of you. I'm so behind at work that its hard for me to check the boards as much as I would like, but I am making a pact with myself that I will at least read the boards and/or post once a day Thank you for reading my post and for continuing to be active on this message board. We all help each other, so the more people involved the better. Best wishes to all of you, Heather