Day Three...

tell me what i can do for you how can i help you? I don't fully understand your situation but I'm here if you need me Holly. ANDI

Thanks for your kind words Andi There isn't anything that you can do to help. I have just been so compromised from these knee surgeries that all that I am supposed to have been doing these three months has come to a crisis point. I am feeling better but I am not anywhere near able to cope with this all now. Financially, I haven't been paying attention and this is now a huge problem. The government is late in paying what they owe me for caring for the kids, apparently while I was sick my student loans came due but I didn't see the notice (I am still going to school) so they have taken $1000 out of my account and rent is due. One of the things that is difficult in fostering kids with emotional problems is that I am not allowed to be compromised by anything because it brings up all sorts of abandonment issues and behaviours. I have a kid now who is making allegations against me that I make him pee in a bottle and won't feed him enough dinner and that I yell and swear at him all the time. I know that I have been irritable, but I have had staff in every day to care for the kids but apparently it is me that they want to be perky and happy regardless of what is going on for me and my health. His social worker and I have always had a strange relationship (I usually have a very good relationship with them, this one and I have not always seen eye to eye on some key issues) I think that I have just had it. I had planned on retiring in the next year or so, when I was finished my degree, but I think that the planets are aligning to tell me that it needs to be now instead. I just don't have the reserves to make it through any more right now. My kids know something is in the air and one of them is freaking right out, the other is oblivious but has been suspended from school for spitting on the teacher so he is home all day yesterday and today. So much for recharging before they get home. Anyway, that is my rant. Thanks for listening. Holly

((((((((((((((((((Holly)))))))))))))))))))) I cannot begin to imagine what you are going through right now. I want to support you in any way I can - please feel free to pm me to off load or request anything. Teenage kids are tough - foster teenage kids even tougher. I admire you greatly. As you say though, times come when we can no longer keep giving as there is nothing left of ourselves to give. I'll be thinking about you over the next while - do you have somewhere to go/a support network around you? You've done so well to get through the last couple of days on the eating plan. But your body needs feeding as it is fighting other battles right now - be kind to yourself and give yourself lots of TLC.

((((((((((holly))))))))))))) dear mother of g*d who could handle all that on top of pain on top of good eating. I'm not sure what i can do for you but i'm going to pray for you honey. I wish i could take away your nonsense and give you smooth sailing even for a little while. Know you are in my thoughts and prayers and G*D doesn't give you more then you can handle. ANDI

AHHHH you guys made me cry. It sure is strange that support comes from so far away and not from here where I am actually doing the work. I am heading to Vancouver (a two hour ferry ride away) to see a friend for her birthday, so I won't be around until at least Sunday. And then I am going to be sorting and packing like a whirling dervish. I am sorting out clothes that don't fit anymore, my friend with the birthday has a consignment store for plus sizes and I wanted to take over the stuff that I don't wear anymore for her store. It has been interesting to go through it all rather than pack it all up. I got five garbage bags of clothes and one of shoes. I guess I have been shopping till I am dropping .... thanks for your kind words, they mean more than I can say Holly