Why am I bothering?

Why am I bothering to stress over losing the last few pounds to get to a normal bmi (I've already adjusted my initial goal as it seems I will never reach that!)? I have huge body image issues now - I stupidly asked my husband 'you don't like my body, don't find it s£xy, it doesn't look good with all the saggy skin do you' type thing, knowing full well what the answer was going to be, and knowing that my husband is too honest for his (and my) own good. Of course he admitted it, tried to cusion it with you look great with clothes on, but the hurt had already happened. I knew he felt like this - know he loves me dearly, but why oh why did I push for him to say it out loud? If I lose more weight which I'm struggling to do anyway, my body will just look worse! While I didn't like my body obese, it sure looked a darn sight better than it does now - I think even with clothes on...I have HUGE muffin rolls, that stick out all over the place so don't feel comfortable wearing anything close fitting. So I'm moaning on because I'm getting myself down trying to get these scales moving downwards, but if it's going to make me look worse, and affect my 'relations' even more with hubbie what's the point. S£x is almost none existant now, he doesn't fancy me and I don't feel s£xy. I've lost confidence in my body. I've reached my health goals, so what now? Thanks for listening. I'm not expecting any answers - or sympathy as I know I'm in a pity party here with the POM's (poor Old me's) - I don't need any encouragement!! I just know you guys will let me get this off my chest, not judge me too harshly and still love me for who I am... Thanks

Ruth, Men can be.... well, men! Sometimes I think we should lock them up on a desert island! It's interesting that you ask, what now? There is a daily post on the Texas Board about that topic.. kinda "I've reached my goal, now what?" We have just spent at least two years thinking about having surgery, getting it done, and then losing the weight. We've had all these WOWs along the way and now they are fewer and further apart. We've obsessed (I may only be talking about me here) about our weight loss with our family and friends (my husband insists that's all I have talked about since surgery). Have I become a WLS patient and that's all I'll ever be now? There has been such dramatic physical changes and psychological, too. I think the pysche needs more time to catch up than our physical selves. And now there is a different kind of acceptance we have to face versus our old fat selves. I wasn't very happy with my old fat self, but I am working every day to try and love the new me. My husband says that in the bedroom, it's not just physical, it's also what's going on between the ears. He says that I am more confident, more self assured, more comfortable in my own skin (saggy and all) and that's what he finds sexy. We've spent so much of our lives with people judging us as MO, and I know in my case I judged myself more harshly than anyone ever could. So maybe it's time we give ourselves a break. Maybe it's time we love ourselves as others love us.... unconditionally. I rambled.. sorry. Sending you big hugs!!! Diane

Diane thanks - more than you realise

Hi there Ruth! Boy, I could relate to your post soooooo much! I still haven't reached my goal either and at this point, I don't think I ever will. I think my body just does not want to give up any more weight! I too have saggy skin issues and I think it's more of an issue for me than for my husband. It really bothers me when he touches my saggy skin areas; it makes me more self conscious about it. And I don't like the way it looks. He told me it doesn't bother him, but it bothers ME! He told me that he finds me sexy, especially when I act sexy. If I put on a sexy pair of panties and act like "hot stuff" that just turns him on so much! He says he doesn't see the skin, he sees me. And he likes it when I seem full of self confidence and act like I think I'm hot. Which doesn't really help my issues at all but I try and understand. Because I don't see myself as hot so it's hard for me to act that way! Anyway, we are having issues with sex lately. He always wants it, I don't want it ... self esteem issues for me, I think. I find it hard to "act" the way he likes me to. I know deep down he loves me and finds me attractive but I find it hard to find myself attractive. It's hard to explain! But I'm sure you understand what I mean! Deanna

Self esteem is a big issue isn't it. I do know in my logic that it was more than worth it to lose the weight, but this last hurdle seems to be the hardest somehow doesn't it. We haven't got the dramatic weight loss or wow's to cheer us on, and it feels like a brick wall. As I'm typing I'm reminded of running - I've read that you hit a wall and if you can push past it you can go to goal. Is that right, do you think Deanna? I hope so, as it's a good analogy which I can hold onto. Maybe we are at the 'wall' and as long as we can get past this bit will get to the end........... Thanks Deanna

from the other side of the fence. I am at goal. I am in the size that I only dreamed about when I was 17. I have muffin rolls.. I look like the michelin man. http://skitzzo.com/images/michelin.jpg however, when I ask my dh, he is all like, oh baby, I want you every minute of everyday. but he wanted me like that before I got skinny. at one point, I was nakid, and from the back, he said onetime that I look perfect, all my skin is from boobs to pelvic bone. what I am finding this week is that I am on the scale every single day and it is creeping up. .5 a lb here and there to where I am starting to get sick with worry but I am still nibbling on that Kaluha Chocolate Pudding Chocolate Cake with Cappuccino icing and each time I do it, I swear, when this is gone, I will never bake again. I switched and got a full plate last night, big mistake, but It was just irritating me to no end that I was not eating off of a grown up plate, I took 80% of what my husband took as a portion, and I ate 75% of it, I actually scrapped off about what I should have taken. but I am just frustrated with how much work I have had to go through. it is not that I do not get support, I get tons. it is not that my husband is not adoring my body, he loves it, fat, thin, he doesnt care. seriously. it is just my own issues. what I am willing to settle for and right now I find that I am willing to settle and allow those 7 lbs to come back and I wonder if I am willing to gain 1 extra pound a month, maybe I am dumb enough to allow that to continue for the next 24 months and then I will be on my way to the next level. allowing it all to go back, because it already has to some extent. I do not eat three times a day anymore, I graze and grab what I can when I think about it. hover mints and candies at my desk because I do not stop to think about me, I feel pressured from myself to get everything done. I am putting myself back under the 'super mom' mode. be there for the kids at school. be there for the kids at cub scouts. be there for the grand baby. be there for my daughters. be there for my customers. be there for my friends. be there for my career development. be there for my finances. be there for my home and yard. be there for every other bloody thing. it is just as if I have not learned a freaking thing in the last two years.

Your last sentance really strikes a chord with me. I have tried so hard on this journey fo rit to be a wholistic one fo healing for me - healing of body mind and spirit. And I felt I was getting somewhere with it all. Yet, just lately on some days I feel exactly the same. The old Ruth creeps back in when I'm not looking. Seems like this is going to be a lifetime journey being constantly vigilant on all fronts, not just about gaining weight...

I bought some protein bars yesterday and a case of vitamin water to keep in my office along with trail mix, so I am planning to decrease the junk, increase the protein, I need to get the vitamins. but I seriously need to hydrate. SERIOUSLY. I got on the scales today, I am .5 lbs below Dr approved goal and +6.5 lbs from my 'secret goal'. I promise I am not beating myself up over the secret goal. I promise.