Revelation

My eating varies according to the minute of the day. Mostly I have done well and been strong during the day and then the evening kicks in. Always was my hard times - evening grazing. Sometimes it helps to have an internal dialogue with the food that I want to eat, telling 'it' that I am stronger than it is and that 'it' can't make me eat it. Sounds really crazy, but alot of the time it works for me. I think because I feel like the food is in control and 'making' me eat it. Totally NOT true, and I realise that it is a way of removing myself from the the decision of not eating right. If the food has made me, then I couldn't help myself could I! It's not my fault that I am not eating the right things. See I told you I was crazy Funny how it's taken me 18 months (and the whole first half of my life) to figure that out!! But now I know that, I can't use it as an excuse for eating now can I? I just need to remember that it is ALWAYS my choice what and how much food I put in my mouth and I CANNOT put that onto someone (like, they went to all this trouble of cooking something for me - if I don't eat it I will hurt their feelings, etc) or something else (don't waste it, it's forcing me, etc). WOW big revelation.

I'm so proud of you, it's not when a revelation comes that's important the fact that it got here is a momentous occassion. I'm not a night eater actually, but i sure am a day grazer. I bring healthy stuff to work with me and that suffices me usually. I have the folks in the cafeteria on alert to any sugar free sorbet or ice cream that comes in for the diabetics and those help. I used to be able to keep ice pops in the freezer down stairs but the new food manager told me no...made me want to poke him with an ice pop but i didnt' want to waste them so I gave them out to people instead. I love you and when you touch US soil you just give me a call or a number where I can call you, I can't wait to finally speak with you. ANDI

I would like to have someone to blame for my eating habits. I sure don't want to be responsible for my weight 'challenges'. In my head some where I know that I make choices but I don't always deal from that deck unfortunately. I see many of the foster kids I have eating their emotions. I have noticed with a good majority of them that they are trying to fill their empty places inside them with food. I think that there may be a part of me that is doing that also, I doubt that anyone, even those of us with perfectly good childhoods get out without some kind of emotional stuff. I have been looking for a counselor in order to process this but have not been able to find someone that I like (so far) I had hypnosis earlier on to help me to see that I had lost weight, because I only saw my fat self even after the 100 lbs was gone. That helped but I think that this is a huge process and I guess it will keep on keeping on... Ruth, you are on the right path. You will be a success 10 years from now because you are doing the work now! Holly