what have you learned? and helping others

Recently I had gotten into a "huge" argument with a woman on the main board who was giving very bad advice to others. To find out she has not even had the surgery yet, and was so smug as to say she can give as good of advice as others who are 5 plus years out.... and to tell me what she learned in AA.... Ok not even to go into the addiction and transfer part of her problems.... I love to learn form others who are further out than myself and think their advice is invaluable. what do you say to someone like this? what have you learned begin more than a year out that you did not know pre-opp?

People like that infuriate me. I don't think there is anything you can say to them. You just have to sit back and wait for them to fall flat on their faces when they trip on their own words once they reach that point in their journey (and then make the choice whether you are gracious enough to help them up or say I told you so, which is what my tendancy would be even though I know I should be gracious!) I have learned so much now that I did not know pre op, so many things that I have forgotton so much too. I have learned that each persons journey is different, and that my body beats to it's own drum. I have learned that it is a journey of the whole person not just about losing weight. It is not all theory and sooo much more. What is that saying - walk in a persons shoes for a mile...I can't remember it correctly, I'm sure someone will remind me. I agree with you 100% Jean and also love to learn from my peers and others further out than I am. It's like the passion of a teenager compared with the wisdom of age and experience

Hi Ruth The scary part is she was giving ... very miss guided advice to a new post -opp, and could have hurt the other girl. she was telling her its OK to eat carbs and to take children's vitamins (and that they are exactly the same as adult vitamins)... when we all know we need our vitamins, and how some of us .. can get very sick because not enough nutrients were in our system. I really have a hard time watching someone fall, or rather fail..... Its a hard journey and we all need each other. Its just too bad when people don't even try to listen, or even worse when they give bad/hurtful advice to others. I think that's why I go on beforeandafterhelp.com... So much now lots of long term successful people with lots of helpful and supportive advise. I have met Susan Maria and Theresa .. they are both many years out 5 and 7 I think.. they are VERY nice and everyone is helpful

That is scary when wrong advice is given to new post ops, as it can be life threatening. You're right we do all need each other. Hopefully this person will quickly realise her need, and the person she was giving advice to will listen to others. I've never heard of beforeandafterhelp, Im going over there right now to have a look. Thanks By the way, I had a peek at your profile and you pics - you really are looking amazing. you don't look like the same person!

I have learned that this surgery behaves differently in each and everyone of us. Some dump some don't, some eat grains some don't, some get anemic some don't, some can eat anything and are hungry and some can't eat anything and have to force food in... and on and on. On top of that, the advice that we are given varies dramatically because I don't know if anyone really truly understands the long term repercussions of this surgery. It seems that you have to have a secret decoder ring in order to get through the masses of information that is out there (and here), and then you have to try it to see if it will work for you. My surgeon has a dietician who knows this surgery the best of anyone, she is the only one in Western Canada that has an idea. I have heard of nutritionists from other areas giving advice like take the Flintstones chewables to patients and they happily do that, knowing that they are under medical advisement. There is nothing that I can do to tell them otherwise. I have also learned that what we have been told, especially by our medical teams is defendable by any means possible. We will even defend advice given by other WLS patients who have heard it from another... I have not found the definative word on what we all truly need. I was told that I had to educate myself before surgery about the surgery and if I had have been asked prior, I would have said that I knew as much as anyone, if not more because I am a trained researcher. I knew my stuff, except that it all fell apart after my surgery because as we all have found out, it is so very different for each and everyone of us, with only a few gold standards. I think that there is a level of meaness in this community that makes us not able to truly hear each other. I know that this is a strong statement and this (May 2006)is one of the few boards that doesn't do that. I have had strong discussions with people about keeping an open mind regarding finding what you need to find and have been drawn and quartered on the board. I guess an open mind is not an option? I guess that I worry about the level of 'not getting along' that happens on these boards. I worry that it gets in the way of actually figuring it all out and supporting each other. I have belonged to other boards and have never found this level of animosity. Has anyone else found this too? I also see some great compassion but I have seen this other places too. I have been trying to not focus on the animosity but I am really curious if I am the only one that is seeing this (maybe I should go and get some wonderful medications for it if it is true) Holly

Hi Holly I usually stay on the May board just for that fact, we all care about each other and try and learn and stay positive. I have found Susan's board much the same... and the one thing I have learned from working in the medical field for over 20 years as well as personally knowing many doctors is they are human, and don't always give the right answers.... we are all so very different and our bodies are all different, sometimes their are no "right" answers.... But I do know that a group of people with direct experience is a good start. and I have learned so much on this journey, and continue to learn...we ALL helped each other it was the best thing that could have happened to me. we are a very supportive group and quite frankly, our experiences along the way and sharing have made us a very successful group....

Thanks, I still need to post recent ones... today I am 124lbs... I never thought I could say that.. Do look at the other board,, they are very nice people who are great and supportive. PS you look amaizing!!!!!!!!!!!!!! we are such a wonderful and successful group!!!!!!!

I recently called my "SPONSOR" who is 4 years out and we talked and it helps her to remember vits and protein and stuff from me. so it works both ways, I think that she is invaluable and I am 18 months out and a 'pro', someone that is not even post op is just 'book learning' and not nearly as reliable as someone that as walked the walk, and talked the talk. I seriously do not see that every single morbidly obese person is a food a holic and so AA doesnt apply to EVERYONE. kat

sure it does, I think the way we all helped each other was the best thing that could have happened.... But from the start we were like lost kids trying to find what was right for us all, no one pretending to "know it all" learning and sharing.... I do believe it made us very successful... I find it such a shame that others can't find that... PS: yea! her AA comment had me rolling, I gained weight from a abdominal tumor and getting sick..when they took out the tumor I stayed fat (I gained all my weight in 6 mth's) (6 years later it did not go away and the doctors thought this surgery would"shock" me back to normal). I was not a food aholic.... I did and still love carbs, but was never obsessed about it...