The Great Pretender

Does anyone else feel like this??? Even though I have lost loads of weight and am down in fairly normal size clothes, I still feel like I am a fat person pretending to be thin. It's crazy I know. I like what I see in the mirror and I see a thinner person, but when I'm out in public, there is something that goes on inside that I find strange.

Yes, I feel the same exact way. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I still see the fat person I used to be. I want to see the thinner me every single time. It still scares me to go out in public because of that stupid self image I still have of myself. People that have known me for several years tell me all the time that it is time to stop losing weight that I am to thin. I tell them no way am I to thin. They tell me I look like death warmed over or that I look anorexic. I don't see it. I still see the big fat Kel that I used to be. I have spoken with the therapist that is in with my surgeon's group that is there for us both before and after the surgery. I go for my 1 yr post op visit on May 9th and I have an appt with her then also. She said it is a self image issue and says she will give me a few pointers on dealing with it. I hope it works. She said because I was morbidly obese for so many years and then lost the weight so quickly that my brains image of myself has to catch up. I am 49 yrs old and have not been this small since I was in 9th grade. That was 35 yrs ago....so I guess it kind of makes sense...I looked at that big fat person in the mirror for so many years I don't see me when I look in the mirror. OMG and when I am naked YUCK! However, I will tell you all this...since I had the girls done, I do like my breasts now. I guess that is why the reconstructive surgery afterwards is so important for your self image also. Another reason insurance companies need to cover it. It has been an amazing journey this past year. As a morbidly obese person society treated me like I had the plague....now I am being accepted by society. I have so many different feelings about this...I feel happy sometime and sometimes it absolutely irritates me to no end. I am still the same person on the inside. But, I feel like we were these moths that have been trapped in this ****oon for so many years of morbid obesity and now that we are shedding that cocoon we are beautiful butterflies. I try to think of the excess skin as remains of that ****oon and hopefully we can get rid of that cocoon to allow our new beautiful self to fly. It's not just the outside issue of the extra weight....we need to change the inside too. We need to learn to love ourselves again, time to get rid of the self loathing and be proud of what we have all done. We are going to all be 1 soon.....yes I am 49 but my first birthday will be May 12th. May 12th is the day I was born again. I am looking forward to my 2nd year and I hope all of you are too. I love this special gift and second chance that God has given me and would not change it for anything in this world. I wish I would have been able to do it when I was a little bit younger but it happened when it happened for a reason. HAPPY 1ST BIRTHDAY EVERYONE! Kel

How true Kel.. how tru.. and Ruth I am righ there with you. I did see a therapist about perceptions and how I am doing right now. I want to ensure the things that got me to being over weight are addressed so in the future I have strageties in place to stop me from gaining. the first thing sthe told me to do wast to look at others and determine if I was the same size, bigger or smaller than them. I started doing that and everyone I picked was bigger than me.. i actuall asked a few ppl what size they wore and found out the clothes were bigger than the size I wear. I am not sure if this helps but I am giving it a go. Body perception is gonna be the tough one for me I think.. i just keep insisiteing I need to loose more weight even though I am in a size 3 pant..

AMEN sistah!

I am going to a therapist or i should say i've got the name of a therapist and i'm signing up because i'm nuttier then a christmas fruit cake i tell ya. I see a big huge fat girl who goes i could never wear that. I see me in a mirror and i think my brain has fragmented. I have seen me naked, and well really, i'll never be the same again, my retinas are STILL tingling and NOT in a good way. I have a transfer addiction, it's not too bad but i want to nip it before it gets bad (it's got potential) I love you and i'm here for you. ANDI