Confession

I'm so embarrassed to admit this. OK so MOST of the time I eat good, but it's beginning to get so that very occassionally, I have a day when I go back and eat just like I did pre WLS. Today was one of those days. I just can't stop snacking and can consume large amounts. This is really getting me down at the moment, as I thought those days were over As I say, it isn't all the time, like it used to be, but I do know I have the capacity to eat exactly how I used to. I hardly dump now - if I do, all it is, is a slight unease feeling inside. Does anyone else feel like this or is it just me? I just don't know where some of you guys get all your will power and determination from. I wish I could have at least 1% of what you have.

((((( Ruth! ))))) I am soooooo right there with you baby! I feel this way all the time. I really do, and honestly I get depressed coming here sometimes because I feel like I'm the only one that can eat so much! I literally have days when I want to stuff anything and everything in my mouth. It's not near what it was before surgery. But some days I feel like my surgery failed me or I failed my surgery and that depresses me really bad. For the most part, I can stick to my diet that I plan out for myself but then evening rolls around and I start munching on things that I shouldn't. I still try and count the calories and I am staying below what my Dietician told me would maintain my weight. Other days I am not tempted to eat. So it really varies for me. But most of the time I'm feeling guilty for eating. And then I need to STOP RIGHT THERE ... We need to eat. We physically have to eat to live and we need to remind ourselves that there really is no "bad" food out there that we can't have. I have beaten myself up so severely over eating some Easter candy the other day. But then I realized. It's just candy ... candy isn't going to kill me. Eating massive quantities of candy is really bad for me and that is what I used to do. But now, I can eat a couple pieces and I shouldn't feel guilty about it. Feeling guilty about it makes me reach for more and more until I'm stuffing myself with it. I don't know why I do that. But if I could realize that no foods are off limits to me and that I could have a small quantity of it, maybe I'd be okay. I don't have the luxury of dumping either. There are days when I wished I did so that I physically couldn't eat those things. But then I remind myself that food isn't bad. I have always had that association that eating "bad" foods is BAD! But it's okay. Somehow I need to get a handle on food being okay and it won't hurt me if I don't abuse it. I don't know if any of this makes sense or not! I just can totally relate to your post and I wanted you to know you are not alone. I know for me that exercise is key. I absolutely have to hit the gym and I actually enjoy going now. I think that gives me a little more flexibility in my eating. I want to be one of those people that can eat a well-balanced eating plan for the day and stay active. To me, that is healthy. That is my goal so that is what I aim for each day. You are such a sweetheart Ruth and I'm glad you shared this with us! You are strong ... don't give up! Deanna

I'm so sorry you are having one of those days.. I think we all have them.. I know I have.. more good than bad, but when one of those day****s I just beat myself up about it till I wanna go hide somewhere. I do still dump and have done so a few to many times lately for my liking so I know I have been doing badly at my food choices. I just keep trying to push that extra piece in when I know it wont fit.. than I have to run and :vomit: I know it's not good but I have done it just to much lately. Stay strong.. you can do it. We all have days like that and all we can do it get up dust ourselves off and go again. You are a great person and you are doing great.. remember that.. we all know you're doing great.. now you gotta believe that and believe in yourself.. Big hug.. Carla

One Snailerita to another i'm doing what you're doing! I'm so sorry you're feeling alone in this, I am too. Today i ate like my ass was on fire and my mouth was trying to douse the flames! Let me give you an idea of what today did for me? b'fast: tilapia filet YUM snack 1: handful of pretzels, ahh the stress snack 2: dark chocolate mini heart Lunch: cottage cheese, cucumber salad with jalapenos, snack 3: baked cheese doodles, which i hate 6 of and promptly through up! Snack 4: sauteed cabbage slaw with soya sauce dinner: i'm now too full to eat anything as a cheese stick just gagged me up ok now that's just ridiculous. The stress i'm under right now is going to push me over the edge. I'm rolling out a project for tomorrow that is system wide through out my hospital, i'm so excited i can't even stand myself, but i'm only one person and i am supposed to be part time, it's not working out well. I do all sorts of work at home which upsets my husband and children. I should mention that i go over to my in laws a few nights a week to make their meals because my mother in law has cancer! Today my mother in law came to my hospital for blood transfusions and I needed to get ready for tomorrow's project roll out, i was bouncing like a ball and I don't even know if i completed everything to my own satisfaction. My mother in law is scared and my father in law is useless as *****'s on a bull! I want me some willpower and determination too. What are we going to do, we need to start with the one small change thing and move it along from there. ANDI

Hey Ruth, While I can't eat the same amounts as I used to, I have discovered that I can eat sugar items...real sugar. Sugar alcohols give me the run around but not real sugar. It started with my husband's Easter basket. He had tiny milk chocolate eggs in there. I knew they were small enough to have one just for the taste. It doesn't quite count when you have a bunch of them. I don't dump on them. What's even weirder.....I don't know if ya'll remember how I was having weird late dumping low blood sugar things happening.....well now that I have incorporated a few pieces of milk chocolate in between meals each day, I haven't had any of those episodes. Like I NEED a reason to eat chocolate. I got really down about it this weekend at the wedding because I was so nervous that I just felt like I was a snack hound. But my husband told me to write down what I had, including the amounts because he didn't think it was that bad. When I looked at it, it wasn't particularaly nutritious, but not a lot of caleries. In fact, I lost 4 pounds over the weekend. Whatever right? Don't get too down on yourself. If we are going to do this for life, we have to figure out how it can work for life. It will look different for each of us I am sure. Just keep trying to do your best. Keep your head up!!! Rachael

I'm in the boat too ! If I could have an I.V. of starbucks I'd be in heaven!

You sure shouldn't be embarrassed! I am the same way now,too. I really think the people that stay on track are really strong people! I am just too weak!! Guess it goes to show that I wasn't a dietier before the surgery and am sure not one now! I sit behind a desk for 7 1/2 hours a day and if I don't have anything in my drawer to snack on I think I would go threw withdrawals!! I feel so fat lately and I feel like I am putting on weight,even though my scales says the SAME AMOUNT STILL!! If I could only quit snacking! I buy good stuff to snack on and I can eat all that in almost a day just munching!! I think I really need help! Its not that time of the month either,cause that was taken care of years ago!!

Thanks Everyone It's good to know I'm not alone in this, even though it is tough. It helps knowing I have friends who understand

it is your cycle. you are carbing out due to hormonal fluctuation's from your menstrual cycle. do not beat your self, up, journal your diet throughout the month and see if you are just having a spell or if you are really going back to the beast. personally I was wigging the last few months, 6 to be exact, which is when I went back to 'normal' eating. and I am amazed at how much I can consume if I break the three healthy a day, and if I go with the liquidy stuff. now I know that the carbing is for me all about the menstrual.

I wi**** was Kat, but unfortunately (or fortunately whichever way you look at it!!) I dont' have a cycle. I had a full hysterectomy 10 years ago so am now on HRT which keeps me 'normal' all the time - woe betide anyone if I forget to change it regularly Can't call me normal then I'm trying 3 larger meals rather than small ones plus snacks, to see if that helps curb the snacking and wanting to eat feeling. It worked yesterday, so we'll see how it goes