OT: totally upset right now.

Ok get prepared.. my oldest daughter is driving me nuts.. i took her phone, internet connection away for 3 weeks about a month ago because she has 2000 minutes used and 5000 text message.. many during school time.. She was also never coming out of her room claiming to do homework til midnight each night.. hense the internet connection.. So I gave her back her phone about 2 weeks ago and I am already having problems with her. She had 4 phone calls late in the night last night.. the rule is no calls after 9pm... So I called those ppl today to inform them of the rules and one guy.. james informs me that he usually talks to her on myspace.. Myspace i say.. hmmm and he mentioned another one i dont remember the name.. you see I took myspace away from her almost 2 years ago because of all the stuff surroounding it and she is well aware of the fact she is not to go on that site.. so she has been getting on my pc at home when I am not there and going on myspace gabbbing with her friends.. etc.. I asked her what she had to say about it and all see said was.. sorry.. ohhh.. i am so mad.. what do you do.. what would you do.. i am so upset I am not thinking clear so i walked away before I said something i would regrett or kill her.. I need a plan of action before i go back to the house.. I am thinking the phone is gone.. the computer is gone.. the stereo is gone..the ipod is gone.... the tv is gone.. hmmm.. maybe she can see how it was to live when I was a girl.. we didnt have all that fun stuff back than.. she thinks she is treated so badly.. please.. she wears nothing but designer clothes and has everhting she wants.. Guys am I being to hard on her.. I know she is a kid and they do dumb things like this..lord knows I did.. but when u get caught your caught.. if i ignore it.. am i not saying it was ok to lie and decieve me.. weird.. i can deal with the mentally retarded.. its the normal kids i have a tough time with..lol..

Oh and i forgot to mention the other reason the phone and internet was taken away.. she had a d- in english and two low c's.. she wasnt studing upstairs alnight I was sure of that.

How old is she again, I know she's a teen but now i can't remember her exact age? I guess my question to you is, what does she do to earn all these privileges? Unless you are a doctor (maybe a lawyer) you don't really NEED a cell phone however they do make life more convenient. If you have a cell phone you don't really NEED text messaging. Do you understand what i'm saying? Having a computer is a privilege not a right of passage, you can still do your reports/homework without the internet. Designer clothes are not a necessity unless you have a job that requires a certain look, high school isn't it! It sounds to me like your daughter needs a job, if not outside of the house then inside it. There are chores that need doing and kids that need tutoring, sitting/mentoring what other things can you come up with? I don't have teens I just know what my mom did for me...made me get a real job, i shaped up FAST! I spent many many nights babysitting for my nieces/nephews to pay off some bill that i owed my mom, I think it made me stronger! Good luck to you I have no teens so i'm not sure i answered you properly. ANDI

She is 16.. i know when i was 16 i snuck behind my moms back when I knew she wouldnt approve.. I think we all do. I was a good kid but i did a lot of bad things at that age.. including drinking and taking some drugs a friend gave me that almost killed me.. ran a moped into a car that i wasnt suppose to be riding on.. and was going out with boys on real dates.. my kid does none of that.. I keep a pretty tight leash on her and keep her so busy she doesnt have time to get into trouble. She does do chores and helps with the kids. She has responsiblities everyday like getting my two youngest off to school in the morning before she goes. She does dishes, laundry and general cleaning as need be in the house and helps with bobby when he is having a hard time.. she is a good kid.. Once I got her on her grades she picked them up and got the d- to a b now.. she is working on the other grades as well.. she has tough classes as well.. civics, english, algebra 2, spanish 3.. she has all that stuff because she is spoiled just like my other kids who have all of that too. the phone is important for emergencies/not play time.. and once i got her about calling during school she quit. I know kids will be kids and i think if i push to hard she will push back. i dont want that. I want that open communication and not to be lied to.. is that possible. I know i am always honest with her and talk to her about how she feels about htings. I just wish she wouldnt go behind my back.. to me.. i have to punish her or i am saying what u did was ok.. i wish i could just talk to her about it and come to a compromise.. what do you think.. i told you i am to easy on my kids..lol

We are right there with ya Carla our Ashley is 16 and thinks she knows it all ! We went through the same thing with the phone and texting she'd be so tired she'd go to bed early but really be talking on the phone till the cows came home. this is how we fixed it ! we moved the computer into the living room and she checks her phone in with us every night at 9 pm where it lays on my husbands night stand and so if it rings somones gonna get it , if she goes over her minutes she has to pay the difference, if she has un needed phone calls durring the school day she will be checking her phone in with the principal and getting it back on her way home. Our Ashley is a good girl too, she works weekends at a diner and helps with the young ones as well and she does pay 1/2 of her car payment and insurance . You have to give them limits . Heather

she almost got a car but because her grades went down she lost the chance to have it. I told her I refuse to pay the extra insurance because of her grades.. angie doesnt work so other than the chores around the house.

Carla, I have to say.... you could be faced with a WHOLE lot worse at this stage in her teen years. Take it from someone that was her age just 10 years ago!! LOL Being too harsh on her will only force her to hide more and keep things from you even more so then she is now. Just my opinion.... I TOTALLY AGREE with Heather's approach. Moving the computer to a common area, checking the phone in, etc.... have you tried those methods? I dread the teen years. I know it's got to be a difficult trying time in parenthood. I think that 3's are bad... I can't imagine 16's!! Good luck sweetie!! Megan

Hi Carla! Obviously, I don't have any experience raising teens YET! I'm sure I will get my day! It sounds like your daughter is a good kid and I think she deserves some of these priviledges for helping out around your home. But, maybe you could try not having the option of text messaging on her phone. And I like the other post about you taking custody of her cell phone by a certain time each night and then returning it to her the next day. Is she interested in a part time job? If so, let her pay her own cell phone bill. It's so hard because you have to pick your battles. But you want her to learn the value of the priviledges she has. You are a great Mom and you are doing a good job! I know some days are harder than others but I think you can rest assured that you're doing a good job raising her! Let us know what you decide to do! Deanna

im fill ur pain my 15 year old beat the crap out of a girl a school. she has been on suspension from school since march 30 we went to court tuesday they got her on 4th degree assault may i add this is the 2nd time she did it in 2005 so needless to say we have tacken everything away i have been really mad to tina

LOL totally rolling on the floor right now! first off... and this is a rhetorical question. what was the original problem? no not the phone bill from hell. BEFORE that? what was the problem? why was the texting and talking like crazy? thinking back to my parenting for the past 22 years... what would I have done differently? first off.. NATURAL CONSEQUENCES... if she blasted through the phone bill, the 'natural consequences' would be that she would have to pay off the bill. naturally she would not have enough money to pay off the bill, and so it would naturally shut off. phone companies are funny that way. my space? eh. depending on what is going on. it is 'no big deal', I have a myspace. it is a blah blah blah space. personally I LIVE on the net. have for 11 years now. 99% of it is just blah blah blah and there is nothing bad that happens. 99% of the time. like 99% of the time if you drive in the car without your seatbelt, NOTHING happens. I do not spend my time fussing about the 1%. what I DO DO is I find the 1% of the time that I am going to PICK MY BATTLES. I have 2 SOCIAL children. they are SOCIAL SOCIAL it is all about SOCIAL. OMG it is totally about social. every day they are SOCIAL, I have three kids that just exist, and if they never had another social interaction outside of immediate family they would DIE HAPPY. so for the SOCIAL CHILD, from age 4 when ERIK thought he had to WORK THE HOOD to 22 for JAZZ that is partying every weekend. here is my PLAN. YES Erik can visit whom ever he wants within the parameter of our 'hood' that means that he can go around the loop (1/4 mile) and visit anyone on the loop. I swear he is the baby godfather, calling on each house to visit until he calls on them all. BUT he can not leave the loop. he can not go past the stop sign out either direction. and he definately can not go over the Big J's in the next subdivision, I do not care if he is 7 now. he can surf all he wants on the sites that I have given him access too. I set the net nanny control to block all, and then we sit down and surf together and I type in the code to the sites that we visit that I think are okay, and then he can go back anytime he wants and I know that he is safe. when I punish him, I set a reasonable punishment. it doesnt have to be until the end of time to make a point. so I have a sliding scale for punishments, 1 whatever for every year old they are. if they are 14 years old and they screw up, then depending on the severity, 1-14 days. I find that say Erik / Jazz screw up, they get one day for each infraction. even down to talking to me with disrespect, will cost a day of game cube or something. we find that restitution is much more effective tool in punishment than with holding electronics. if Jazz ran up a $200 phone bill, she would be given a list of chores at 'fair market value' to do, effectively working off her debt to society. for instance: load dishwasher: $1 unload dishwasher: $1 scrub toilet: $1 ajax bathroom sink: $1 sweep and mop bathroom floor: $1 and so on until I had 200 chores all equivalent to the sum. we do not get 'emotionally' charged and I try to keep it all low key. if she were an adult, she would not go to jail for the crime, but she would have to pay a fine and court costs. same application. if you think that you are going to stop a social creature by taking away myspace, you will find that she will FIND A WAY to still get that 'need' met. at school, at the library, at a friends house, by keeping at home with supervision, you put you back in control. personally, I have created a myspace/blogger for my 8 week old grandson. with his own domain. I would much rather have my kids hanging out in cyber space than running around out at all hours with god knows who. heehee smile, it gets better, eventually