How is your love life?

Hi everyone! I'm just curious how your relationships have changed with your spouse, partner, or significant other? I'm asking this because my husband is paranoid lately and he recently told me he fears that I've changed so much that I'll leave him. He thinks I'm too small and he also told me he liked me better when I was bigger. He says he misses how we used to sit and "veg out" while eating bad foods. He is afraid that I obsess over my calories and going to the gym too much. And he also thinks my personality has changed a lot and I'm more willing to do things that he cannot do. He has severe arthritis in his back which prevents him from being too active. And he thinks that I'm wanting to be more active and he's afraid that my interests are going to change so much that I won't want to be with him anymore. I'm glad he voiced his opinions to me. But I never imagined it would put such a strain on our relationship! Because I find myself wanting to go do more things and I worry that he won't want to try to be more active with me. I don't expect him to do things he can't physically do; but I'd like him to get off the couch and try! Anyway, is anyone else experiencing a strain in your relationships? Deanna

major kudos for him 'sharing' that is one hell'of'a man ya got there! my relationship is better. my hubby was the go getter, I was the veg. however, we still try to make 'veg' time each week, it is 'hard' to find the time now that I am extremely 'busy' with my life. we have always led separate lives in our house. he is an introvert and does not socialize. I am an extrovert and would have my social calendar packed even more than it is already if I could. as for physical. bleah. I still do not have a libedo. must be lack of vitamin c or something. ;) hugs to you as you work through it.

WOW WOW WOW!!! I didn't recognise you - you have changed so much - you are looking great.

okay, now see, I changed my avitar, but I do not see the changes on my computer, just the old one from december. thanks... I can not believe all the changes that we have all gone through this year.

I agree with Kat - it's great that your husband has told you how he is feeling. The first step is always communication. You can both now talk about where you and your relationship goes from here. In relation to me losing weight, my relationship hasn't really changed. It has been a very stressful year in other ways (not to mention the financial strain having WLS put on us) which has tired us both out, but we seem to have adjusted togther and as a family with me eating differently and being more active.

Things are actually better in this area for me. When I met my partner I was small and she is very active. As I started gaining weight I didnt want to do anything and she wanted to continue to be as active as we were. For the past 4 or 5 years our relationship was really strained as she got involved in karate and I was left to stay home and take care of the kids. I was lucky if i saw her 30 minutes a day and our sex life was non existent. I didn't push that area because I didnt like the way I looked and didnt want to be embarrassed by being so ugly in front of her... in my opinion. On Decemeber 17th 2006 after 15 years of marriage we separated. It was a tough time. We had just grown so far apart we couldnt connect at all. I was already looking into surgery at this time and she was very apposed to it. We did work things out but it was a rough time all around. She came home in name only and we cohabitated as she slept on the couch. Well tmi i know.. Anyway.. she finally woke up.. and realized that what she wanted to do was crazy thanks to many friends talking with her and we mended our problems, at least most of them. Sex is still non-exisistent.. She says it is something in her that is preventing her from being intimate and we do fight a bit about it. As far a life.. we are doing great. She quite karate and got away from that crazy person that was controling her brain and joined the gym with me. we go cycling with the kids. I even got her doing more with the kids and being part of their life now. It has been tough for her dealing with Bobby because of his autism. She gets frustrated with him very quickly. In all our relationship is much better and we doing everything together now. I love that. She is very jealous and doesnt like anyone talking to me now. She is very worried I will leave her or mess around on her. One area we are not doing wel in and have always had a problem with is my love of dancing. I gave it up a long time ago because she hated it so much and we fought when we went because she got so jealous when I danced with others. I have told her now for three months I want to go dancing and that if she doesnt keep finding ways of getting out of it I am going to go by myself. Of course you know that is not going to go over well when I finally do it, but I have warned her. She has a double standard.. I can do whatever I want and you cant.. doesnt work for me.. so we will see what happens when I finally do go out dancing one night. wow I shared a whole lot her.. but it is on my mind and part of my life i am still not so happy with. thanks for letting me share it.

husband: relationship is adequate the sex is non existent, he liked me better fatter, tough tushy's i'm not going back there.....ever so either cope with this or get out! kids; way better then it was i'm actually involved in their activities, i walked the track during practice for the kids today and my kids were cheering me on. I did 5 laps in 35 degree weather, i'm sure it's not a record but BOY was it cold out there. friends: lost one but that's ok finding more is not a problem for me. My interests are very varied and I go out alot more! hugs, aNDI

Hi everyone, That is so great that everyone on here can be so truthful about their relationships! I will be married to my husband for 39 years in August. He has always been a caring husband and a working Dad and would never even let me work! I stayed home with the kids until they went to school and he worked 2 jobs most of our marriage. In fact, he is retired now,retired at the age of 49 after 30 years at the city here.Then he went back to work driving truck to try to find an insurance company that would cover my surgery! He had his surgery done after he hit almost 400 pounds,in 2003,he did have a few problems,but he is doing great,has kept all his weight off. In fact I keep telling him he is too skinny now! But anyway,I fought to get my WLS done with the Insurance co for almost 3 years! I was so depressed watching him be so active and losing so much weight. I couldn't walk with him,enjoy anything with him!! Since I have had mine done,I still am not where I want to be in #'s---but we fit like a glove together now! We enjoy each other when we have the time,4 grandkids here allot!! I am just so happy that I had this done so that we can enjoy the rest of our life together! I really don't think we would have made it if I wouldn't have had my wls. I was REALLY bad.......

Hey all, Well, today is actually our five year wedding anniversary. Things are neither worse nor better in a general sense. A lot of what caused us to have issues were me not feeling good before surgery. As of late, I am not feeling good still just not for the same reasons. So, that strain is still there. Overall it hasn't changed much because of the surgery, which is what I hoped for. I didn't want any new strains on the relationship. I haven't lost any friends because of the surgery. I have a lot of supportive friends at school and it's awesome. I have one friend who was always the same weight I was and she still weighs that. I was a bit afraid for the relationship, but it's still just fine. Rachael

Mine is still the same, He always stared at smaller woman, so I had surgery... now he wished my boobs were bigger and I was smaller still..... boob job planned in the future... BUT he gets upset if I put on anything even the slight revealing. and says married women should not dress that way (tank top)... I say too bad!!!!! quit staring at others and I might consider it... Men are now staring at me, tank to*****t... I think its good for him... heck we went out to dinner and this guy walked up to him and asked if he was having a nice dinner with his daughter...LOL (he is 10 yrs older) sex is the same.... mostly nothing... and all about him... still have the same friends so I not one to give much advise...