Ok.. I'm fat

Don't flame me here.. I really am struggling with this and I am not sure why. I think it's this body perception thing. So I saw my wls doc on Friday. He said... you are not that skinny you could loose 15 or so pounds and still be fine. So am I still fat. My goal was 135.. According to the BMI thing I could weigh 114 and still be in the normal catagory. So I need to loose at least 17 more pounds to hit 120? Is this unrealistic? should I keep going to get to that BMI? am i just freaking out because I will need to maintanence soon? All I have ever know is dieting and out of control eating. Why am I still so obsessed with the scale? Why do I torture myself with what/when and how much I can eat to loose more weight? How do I change this thinking? its driving me crazy.. wow guess I got a few questions.. I really feel tortured about this stuff.. what is going on in my head?

No, no, you are NOT fat! Carla, I am sooooo right there with you on feeling tortured about your weight. I've been having major issues lately in my head and I don't know what to do about it. I want to keep losing, even though my doctor told me to stop once I reached 165. My problem is that my body fat percentage is quite low, even though my weight is above the normal range. So, in order to get to a normal weight, my body fat percentage would be almost nothing. But in my mind, I'm still huge. I see myself as really overweight still and I have this deep desire to keep losing weight. I can't imagine stopping right now! A year ago, if you would have told me I'd weigh 170, I would have been thrilled. But now, it's not good enough for me. I wonder if I lost more, would I finally feel thin? I have a funny feeling I wouldn't. I think I'll always feel fat. Anyway, I don't have any advice for you. Have you had your body fat percentage tested? Because it might be really unrealistic for you to get down to 114 if you have a high percentage of lean muscle. This really has me down in the dumps lately too! Deanna

Thats whats got me so confused. I thought at one time if i got below 150 i would be happy and make that my cushion. now thats not exceptable to me. is 135 enough or will i want to go below that to have a cushion. I look at myself and sometimes I think i am doing good, but most of the time i still see that fat girl. I have checked my fat content and it said 24% ...20 being the best.. than the trainer says.. i dont think thats right it has to be lower.. so what is. I have to go by how I feel.. but I DONT KNOW HOW I FEEL... if i loose more will i feel better, if i loose more will i be healther and look better. I am driving myself crazy with these questions to the point I cant sleep at night. So how do we change this. What can i do.. i have no idea. i just feel like I have been doing this all my life and now I may need to change my thought process.. it scares the hell out of me. I am just not sure I can do it.. make the tough decision of what i need to do and get past my insecurities to feel comfortable within myself. thats what i need to get a handle on... i feel so lost right now.

Like I said in my earlier post...I think I am afraid to getting to goal...what will I obsess over... People are telling you that you look good and not to lose more right? Well then you go to the dr. and he totally contradicts things...I understand your confusion. I remember your posts re: getting in trouble for being too skinny and not eating enough...so what do you do now? Tell me this, how do you feel? How do you look in clothes? I looked at your pic's and you look great. So, if I was you I would forget about the BMI charts and weight scales. Hardly anybody falls within those anyway. Our body composition has some effect on the amount of weight we can carry. If you have more muscle that is not taken into acct. on those charts. So, I would continue as you are until your body levels off...whether that be 140 or 120...

I think i am too.. but what is goal.. it started at 150 than 135.. now i want to get to 120/125. am i doing this just not to face my fear of reaching goal.. do i still need to loose more... the doc says 150.. the bmi says 114 to 150... I get told i am too skinny than the doc says i could loose more... when i look at myself i am not sure how i feel.. i keep looking hoping i can make a decision but sometimes i think i look good other times i think i could loose more.. i look tired.. i look sickly.. this is just overwhelming to me. than are the charts right.. do i have big bones.. small bones.. am i asking to much of myself.. i dont want to be below weight either and get sick from that.. omg. its just to much to think about.. why am i doing this to myself.. I just dont know how i feel.. could i loose more and be healther.. i wont know til i do it to see... thats the big what ifs going on..

(((((((((((((Carla))))))))))))))) Here are my thoughts, however as you know I'm not there yet, so this is all theory and it may change when I'm facing what you are facing. We got to the size we were because we have eating disorders. The surgery doesnt' change that. What the surgery does is reduce our stomachs and bypass part of our intestines. It doesnt' fix our eating disorders. 1. Other people will see you as too skinny if all they have only known you as is fatter. They, as well as you, need time to adjust to the new stream lined Carla. You no longer look like the Carla they know. It takes time to adjust to seeing a 'new' person, with the old Carla inside. 2. I don't mean to be dramatic here, but I'm going to point out the obvious. Anorexia is the flip side eating disorder to what we have. They are two sides of the same coin, we either get fatter or thinner depending on which side lands down in our life. You know that our self body image is distorted. What we see in the mirror cannot be trusted necessarily. Did your doctor say you are still fat? No. He said you can still lose some weight, you are not that skinny. He did not say you are still fat. Do ya here me? So the question is, how do we judge what size we really are and what size we should be aiming for. The charts give us a rough guide, but that's all they are. Your doctor knows more what is healthy for you and what is not healthy for you. Because you have lost relatively fast, you have a huge adjustment to make in what you feel and what you see in the mirror. I think you will gradually get used to the new body, the new you, but it will take time. Being in control over food and your weight for maybe the first time in your life (it is for me anyway) is a wonderful thing, but it can also feel like a drug. It can be compulsive particularly if we have a compulsive personality. Why don't you try maintenance for a while, to give yourself time to catch up with your body and to see how it feels? That way, you will know what maintenace feels like and lose the fear of it. You know the rules now, you know how your body works and how the 'program' works. Once you feel settled in your skin again, you can always go on and lose some more when you feel ready. We are not on a race, it doesn't matter how long it takes. Maybe you need a break from it all. To begin to enjoy life without focussing all the time on food/weight. You have done an amazing job Carla, maybe you just need a vacation from the weight loss and regime for a while?

The only one who would flame you would be me and I'm going to tell you how i think it is....merely my opinion, and opinions, like ******** are fine, everyone has them you just dont' want to hear from them (at least all the time!). Carla you need to stop worrying and obsessing about this and go out there and live your life to the fullest. You can't go by the BMI chart honey, do they know your bone structure/density do they take it into account? I'm a very short woman but i've given birth to 4 kids, do you think i'm every going to be 93-99 lbs. let's me serious and get real about this shall we? How's about for one week you stop obsessing about your weight and see what happens, just eat how you know you should, no need to write down every morsel you put in your mouth, just eat how you think you should and exercise and see what happens. We have obsessive personalities and it seems we are trading one addiction for another. Many of us (myself SO included) have power struggle issues, it's part of our what makes us who we are and weight is easy to control in a world that is sometimes topsy turvy. I wish you much luck, much success and if all else fails, go get help from a professional. ANDI

U love me to much to flame me my dear... lol.. yes this obsessive personality is gonna make me nuts but I will overcome this.. I may need a straight jacket for a while but I will get through this. I need to find a new obsession.. hmmm.. I am trying to make it exercise or somehting more healthy. Giving up the scale will never happen.. I tried to not get on it this morning and i couldnt figure out what to do with myself... i finally gave in and got on.. the relief I felt just from getting on there was overpowering.. Yes.. i admit I am obsessive.. and its not just about my weight.. I am that way in everything in life. Just who I am. Now how to stop it.. I will need to research that.. yes.. I am obsessive about researching things too..lol... help me please....lol

i DO love you enough to tell you that i worry about your obsessive personality. I'd love it if you could get into yoga and not just the whole exercise thing, yoga grounds the whole body; mind, body and soul and it may help the voices in your head that make you get on the scale or do what you are doing that you don't feel healthy about it. How's about you continue living your life and let G*D guide you, ask for his divine wisdom and strength and see what happens. I do this every night before I go to bed, usually it's where the children/work/husband are concerned but there are other things too. Hugs, ANDI

No flames here. I have a friend (who happens to be a psychologist) that always says, "feelings aren't facts." You sometimes feel fat, so does my 110lb 20year old daughter, well, neither of you are fat. Was your dr. reassuring you that you aren't losing too much and that you can lose a little more before he would worry about you? That was my first thought when i read what you say he said. He didn't say you NEED to lose 15 more pounds, he said you COULD lose 15 more pounds, that's a BIG difference. As far as continued loss, I don't think at this point (about 11 months out) that most of us are in control of whether or not we stop losing weight. Some weeks i eat like a little pig (compared to the HOG i used to eat like) consuming as many as 1800 calories a day and i STILL lose a pound or 2. the next week i may only eat 800 calories a day and still only lose a pound or 2. it all seems to even out and i am beginning to believe that most of us will end up where we are supposed to be. If you go and read the "wls graduates" board for people who are a year or more out of wls, that seems to be what the majority experience is. If we eat sensibly (protein first, veggies, fruit, then carbs), water, vitamins, activity, then this tool works! I think it's natural to think that if we "mess up" we are going to gain our weight back, after all, that's been our experience with diets in the past. but for me, this isn't a diet. I strive to eat "normally", eating most everything I want in moderation always trying to eat healthy food first. Deprivation doesn't work for me. I have always loved food, and i'm grateful that I still do love food. Actually, I love it even more now, because I don't feel like it is my enemy, but my friend. It fills me, warms me, gives me strength and energy. I still love feeding my family and trying new foods. This is a wonderful tool that we have been given. I think of it like a normalizer. This is a journey and I look forward to seeing where I land. May peace be yours on this journey, no matter where you land. Sincerely, Deb 229/135/134/129 surgery/dr goal/today/my personal goal