Whats the difference?? Not man bashing!!

Why is it with some men when you do what they do you are wrong. I would have never thought that I would have to type a post like this one but here I am. My husband is (well was) the most unjealous (is that a word?) I thought I knew. He always encouraged me to go out with him and to go out with my friends. I did not always feel comfortable in my own skin when I was bigger and didnt want to go out much. My husband goes out pretty often, sometimes more than I like and him cheating has NEVER been an issue or a thought for me, I married him because of his loyalty. I actually chose loyalty over financial security with my ex(he was the ***** of all *****s!!). Fast foward to now, YES!!!! I am FEELING me for real and yes I am going out ALOT, not really clubbing but just out like after work if I work a double(last night) I met some co workers at a sports bar near the job we all go to. I have also have found a dance club I like to go to twice a month,nice friendly, culturally mixed atmosphere. For years when he would hang LATE, I would say "When the time comes that I wanna do the same thing, don't get mad" His reponse "oh I wont" DAMN LIE!!!!!!! He is mad. We have been debating about this for about a month and playing tit for tat(something I hate). He finally came out with the real TRUTH this morning and said to my sister "She needs to just keep her ass at home like she's been doing, not going out because I go out, and she cant be trusted!!" I had to explain to him its not about you BUT its about me TOTALLY feeling me and enjoying the new me, the new clothes and just wanting some me time outside of him and the children. Me and my sister was in awe, this is totally out of character for him. My response was if I'm cheating because I go out then you have been cheating for 10 years!!! I dont know if know he feels like someone wants me more than before or what but like I tell everyone, all men have a preference, and some men LOVE big girls so whether he knows t or not just as many wanted me then as now. I really dont know whats going to happen. I wanna hear from women, especially the ones that can relate and men I want your take on this too.

Hi Sugar! I've missed you around the boards these past few months, good for you going out there and living your life! What I find continually amazing is that we are the same people with the same hearts but the packaging is different now and the men'folk just can't seem to handle that. Well you know what, that's unfortunate that he can't think you know how to go out and have a good time with out finding some man to bring home like some trashy alley cat! My husband doesn't like to dance and I find dancing frees my soul, so am I supposed to give it up, I think not? I go every night to work out, my husband doesn't enjoy that, do i give that up, oh hell no, but i do have my oldest son going with me. If i wanted to find another man I guess i could but really why would i want to? I understand exactly what you are saying and where you are coming from and I'm sorry you are going through this. I'll be here if you need to talk. ANDI

Thanks Andi

YOU'RE very welcome and your picture is just beautiful, keep up the awesome work or are you already at goal, you look very svelte in that picture! Thanks, ANDI

I am sure that he is seeing your new found confidence and that scares him. My hubby has been the same way. He never even used to go to the store with me but now he always wants to go.

that word TRUST I think that is the whole basis for the conflict. he does not trust. there is nothing wrong with you GOING OUT. I was out last night. I got off work at 7:30 pm, and I called and said, I was going out to a sports bar to watch the UFC fight, my husband was home with our two kids and he was like okay. I called him about 2 hours later and said I was taking my eldest daughter to the ER. he was like okay. I got in at 7 am, and he was like okay. heehee we have total trust in each other. I KNOW if he is out an hour or a day, he is being true to me. if I am out an hour or a week, he knows that I am being true to him. we do not breathe for each other, we are not connected at the hip. we were fully functioning adults before we met, and remained that way. it is a wonderful feeling to be a size 2/4 instead of a size 24, but ME, inside has not changed, I am no more going to cheat on him now than I would have then, the PERSON has not changed, just the number on the scale. as of YOUR hubby, maybe that is the case, HE has not CHANGED, and HE has not been as LOYAL as he presented himself. sounds like HE IS having issues with insecurity. I could not be in a relationship that was stifling and limiting. I want to soar with the eagles not sit home and rot with the frogs.