x wives are evil (long)

As some of you might know my husband is 15 yrs older than I and was married before for about 18 yrs leagally and 10 yrs actually with her. She left him several times over the course of their marriage for drugs and countless men the last time she left for good was when she was allegedly pregnant with Anthony T., he was born in sept and she left in late oct.(math ?????????) anyway she went to prison for drugs later that same year and was a "resident "there for 5 yrs and later came out with an alternative lifestyle. However she blames me for her children alienating her. All I have ever done is love her children as my own, teach them good values and be there every time they have needed me ,they do refer to me as mom where their friend and teachers are concerned but have never called me mom to my face .I just don't understand why this woman is so hateful to me and my small children, she tells the kids that we are not their blood and my children are not their family . I would be grateful if the shoe was on the other foot, if I had damaged my children and their family that way and someone loved my children as much as I love hers . Any suggestions on how to deal with her?

Wow.. I'm so sorry that you are having to go through this. Children by previous marriages are often difficult. In addition to that this is a woman who has not done well in her life, using drugs, going to jail etc. You have had to take on a large burden in raising and caring for these children and you do it with love and caring. My only advise is stay true to them and yourself.. they know down inside who is the one that will be there for them and who they can turn to. They may not call you mom, but they know and love you for always being there for them. In time as they get older they will come to realize this even more. Stay strong.. the truth is there for all to see.. hugs to you.

Thanks Carla I needed the hug!

Heather I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. I have no experience in this, so don't have advice to give. All I can say is this phrase: 'hurt people, hurt people'. Often when people are hurting and damaged (inside) for whatever reason, they lash out at the very people who are doing good in their lives, like you, loving on 'her' children. Perhaps she imagines you have the life she wishes she had? Stay strong, and believe in yourself. You are a wonderful wife and mother.

Thanks Ruth, you always have such great insightful answers

My husbands ex was arrested 2 'x for felony agg stalking of us. All you can do is tell the kids you love them, limit their contact with her... (if they want) and let the kids sort it out.. they may never call you mom and that's ok. My son will never call my husband "dad"... but tells others he is his step dad...I would not let her come to your home. You guys can drop the kids off at a neutral place.