A friend of mine

I got a call from a friend of mine that lives out in Texas. She is having so many problems with her health. She told me that she is continuing to gain more weight and she is so miserable with her life. She never goes out anymore. On halloween she called crying because she bought a costume and it was mismarked as larger size and it wasnt. Instead of going and getting the right one she didnt go to this party her husband and her were suppose to go to. Her health and weight is affecting all areas of her life and her husband and her fight constantly. She wont get a job cause she says its just to hard for her to work with all her health problems. The doc says most of her problems are due to her weight. She knows I had the surgery and is one of those people who think the surgery is terrible, would never do it.. your a fool for doing that type of thing so I know thats not an option. She wants answers from me but I have talked til I'm blue in the face about good eating habits, exercise but she just doesnt do it. Have you got a friend like that? Knowing the success I have had as well as others like yourselves makes it even more frustrating I think to see people suffering like this and not knowing how to help them. What do you do if they wont help themselves? Dont know why I brought this up, but shes been on my mind. What can you do? I just feel helpless to help her and is it my job if she wont help herself? Just wanted to hear what you all think...

Hi Well, sounds like you have been a good friend and done all you can. You have listened and given her good advice. The rest is up to her now. Take Care Jean

I had a friend........ the beginning of a story that was never going to turn out well. we had an intervention...... also something that rarely works.... for some, the drama of falling off the wagon is almost a euphoric high, do not get sucked in. there are alcoholics in this world, sitting at the bar at 9 am with a highball (yes, I grew up with first hand experience of this) that are crying in their beer because their family is sick and tired of their crap. shocking I know. C on the head for clueless! YOU made a choice to make a change. NO ONE made it for you and no one can take credit it but you and your surgeon, but ultimately his work was done in 90 minutes, the real work started after that. months and months and months of work. and people that do not work at it, regain or die. this FRIEND is not ready to make a change, just to whine about her life. talking til you are blue in the face is not helping her, SHE has to know and eventually she has to make a choice. today she chooses food. when her heart stops, or starts to have issues, she may seek hel*****t, but you can not let it wear you out with the drama. I TOTALLY agree, I hate to see people suffering, I hate to see them eating themself to death. and I know the temptation. there is a plate of girl scout cookies sitting on my desk from my daughter, and I had one after breakfast, but if I do not carry them back out to the garage, I will nibble on them all day. I HAVE MADE A CHOICE TO BREAK THE CYCLE. not my daughter. not my hubby. not my son's. me. I take control of the situation. I remove the problem. some would whine about her leaving the cookies, I just pick them up and get them out of the way. because I can make those choices, no one else can make them for me. enjoy the rest of YOUR life. you made the right choice for you, but you can not make her choices for her.

You say your friend thinks the surgery is terrible? I have a question. Do you think she would consider lap-band. I am not debating which one is more effective and I almost went with RNY myself and think its a great surgery as well. Many of my fellow bansters say they went with the band becuase it is less invasive and safer. (while true, I still think the risks are far less than that of complication from being obese). Maybe she is scared of the percieved higher risk and might consider the band. Just a thought. I am here to support any and all WLS becuase I know it saved my life and hope to help others.

I could have written this post myself. My best buddy from middle school is so against having this surgery, dispite seeing my success. She is so big and unhealthy. It is affecting her marriage & her entire life. She will absolutely not hear any comments from me. She is even mad at a coworker WLS patient who has been trying to convince her to do it. I am so sad because I care about her so much & I know what an abundant life could be hers if she would just make the choice to go for it. However, she has to want it. Hugs to you! Darlene