Jokes

Yeah, that was a pretty dumb joke my husband told me.

You know you need to do something about your weight when you board an airplane and the flight attendant designates your pot belly as carry-on luggage. I knew I had a problem when I started having to wear control-top turtlenecks. My doctor put me on a strict sugar-free diet. I can't even watch Touched By An Angel. You know it's time to skip a round when you're holding your bowling ball, and you look down and you can't see it! If God had wanted us to run, instead of a belly button, He'd have given us a fast-forward button. I'm no couch potato. I'm a recliner potato. My diet's working. I stepped on my talking bathroom scales last night and for the first time ever they didn't scream that I was too fat. They did mention in passing that my feet smelled. I'm not fat. It's just that my body naturally retains chimichangas. I have no idea how much I weigh because I can't weigh naked. Without my glasses I can't see the scale. I've really put on weight. I've gone from pinch-an-inch to rub-a-tub. I'm already two years ahead on my daily fat allowance. I'm looking for skinny people to see if I can borrow theirs.

My addition - I'm not fat, I'm under tall! Thanks guys - I needed this today