Just Feel Llike I Can't Relate

As I said when I first came out here - I read and read for a long time and never posted. I just feel like I am on a different journey then everyone here. I eat soooo much more then everyone on this thread. I know everyone says "do what your nut says" - and I am. According to her I should be eating 6 meals a day - 1/2 c. each - and around 1100 cals and 60 gr of protein. Sure - a lot of the time I eat more then the 1/2 c - but I try and stay in the 1000-1200 cal range and usually my protein is between 80-100. Most people on here "struggle" to get to 500 - 600 cals a day. Many have commented that they are disgusted with themselves and feel like glutaneous pigs if they have a day where they reach 900. How does that make me feel? I don't know - somewhat angry - somewhat hurt - but definetely confused. We've all been given such very very different guidelines. Even though we are on the same journey we are all taking diffferent paths - but I really feel alone in my habits post op. When I post to the "what did you eat threads" I can already here people gasping and see them shaking their heads as I write. I also have gotten to the point lately where I have to TRY to maintain that calorie count. I use will power everyday to keep it UNDER 1200. Maybe it's the 6 meals a day - but I can definetely eat and eat. I still get sick - I still sometimes dump. But I can certainly snack and grave my way to well over 2000 cals a day if I want. Have I "stretched my pouch or stoma" I don't know. All of our tools are created differently - and having been a smaller patient of my surgeons I know he said he didn't restrict my opening or pouch as much as a much larger person. But it really almost makes me feel ashamed when I read about people who just can't manage to get down those 500 cals in a day - they stuggle to get that much in. My love of food hasn't changed. I LOVE to cook - I love to eat. My binging behavior even creeps back up on me. Will I be a failure?? I guess only time will tell. I can tell you that I haven't given up - and that I fight everyday and I spend more then my fair share of time on Fitday making sure I am following my nuts guidelines. I don't know why I am rambling about this. I just feel like this board might not be the place for me. I think I have failed myself more and been harder on myself since I started posting. I know I shouldn't compare myself to others - but what else am I doing here? Trying to relate right????? So - I suppose I might be a bit MIA for awhile...just gotta get my head back into MY game......

NO, NO, NO!!! Do NOT leave! Amy, I could have written EXACTLY what you said. I am in the exact same situation as you! I eat way more than everyone else here ... I average 1000 calories a day, at a minimum! I try like the dickens to keep it under 1200 calories! I know a lot of people don't believe in snacking but I HAVE TO SNACK! I am no longer diabetic, off all my meds ... but I suffer from low blood sugars now. In order to keep my blood sugar levels in a healthy range, I have to eat every 3 hours. I just have to! My blood sugar levels get LOW and then I could pass out. I met with my nut yesterday and she scolded me for eating too little. She said according to my body composition analysis, I need 1900 calories a day just to maintain and that is without exercising. But I go to the gym 5 days a week so she said I burn way more than 1900 calories a day. She encouraged me to try to reach for 1500-1600 calories a day. She said to eat at least 100 grams of carbs per day. She sounds right on with your nut! There are times when I wonder if people are listing absolutely everything they eat. But maybe it's just me ... maybe I eat more than everyone else. I honestly think that we need a balanced diet that we can follow for the rest of our lives. Is it realistic to think that someone will never snack or have carbs in their diet? In my opinion, I don't think that's realistic or healthy, for that matter. I think whatever we do, we have to be able to do it for life. I know that I will always struggle with food ... it's been an addiction for me for a very long time. But I'm trying to create a relationship with food that is healthy ... by realizing I can have a treat once in awhile. I definately won't eat 6 bags of Halloween candybars like I did last year! But I can have a piece of candy or two. To me, that is reality. I know that I will have to exercise for the rest of my life. I know that balances out a healthy diet. Obviously we come from all walks of life and our Nuts tell us different things. To me, I just know that I'm going to live my life and know that I'm following the guidelines that my Nut gave to me. In my heart I feel like these guidelines are healthy as a permanent lifestyle. I don't think anyone here would judge you for eating more than they do ... your weightloss results speak for themselves! You are doing great and will continue to do so! I don't doubt that for a minute! Please don't leave us ... we need you here! It's nice to have someone to relate to ... I feel like I have a lot in common with you! I love to cook as well and I would really miss you if you left!!! Please don't go! Deanna

Wow Deanna - I am realllly realllllly realllllllllly glad you wrote that. I had no idea anyone else was on the same page as me. I'm glad you brought up the carbs too - people are here are carb crazy. I eat 100+ everyday. 35 come from the bowl of bran cereal I eat - I can't beat myself up over carbs from bran cereal - come on!! And no ill effects from those 100+ carbs either. I suppose it it was all coming from Reese cups that would be a different story. I really appreciate your post!!!! I don't know if I have mentioned it here, probably, but my husband had surgery 4 years ago. He definetely has broken every rule in the book. He eats normal portions (usually 2-3 times as much as me) and doesn't count a thing. And here he has been successful at loosing all of his weight and maintaining his loss for years. He doesn't obsess over it - like he says I do. So sometimes I hope I am not setting myself up for failure by obessesing - and comparing myself to others who eat so much less with little effort makes me even more obsessive. I'm not saying what he has done is right - but it is working for him I suppose. And again - I know his surgery is different - he was much larger then I and had a different surgeon. Probably has a bigger bypass. Our reactions to food and our tolerances are as different as day and night. I'm sorry if I am seeming like a drama queen. I'm not trying to say I'm leaving - trying to get people to beg me back. I just had to get it off my chest that I didn't feel like there was anyone out there who I could relate too - but now I at least know that I have you who knows where I am coming from!!!

Hi Amy! I really am glad you posted this ... because I was starting to feel like the only one that ate anything! Ha, ha! Most of the time I don't post on the "what did you eat" threads because I feel like people are going to scoff at me and think "Holy cow, why is she eating so much?" But, I need to remind myself to listen to my Nut and surgeon ... they are trained professionals and they think I'm doing outstanding. So I need to listen to them and feel confident that they know what they're talking about! And I don't think you're a drama queen at all! I truly understand how you're feeling and I'm so glad you shared it with us ... see, we are both feeling the same way! It's so comforting to me to know someone else out there understands. And yes, I would beg you to stay! I like having you here way too much to see you go!!! Deanna

Thanks Deanna!!! You are sooooooo sweet!! You have made me feel about 999 times better about my "journey" (((BIG HUGS)))

Oh Amy ((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))) Thank you for being honest and sharing how you are feeling with us. That must have taken a lot. I really love having you on this board and feel you have certainly contributed to helping me a great deal. However, this is not about me. You have to do what is healthy for you. And much as I want to you continue posting/reading here, if it isn't helping you then it's not good. Now, either we can change and make this board more accessible to everyone, or you have to leave us. I don't want you to leave us, and I don't want a board where people are made to feel uncomfortable. I have to admit, at times, I've felt like not coming anymore in the past, especially when I wasn't happy about being a slow looser, and I only post the what did you eat when I've had a 'good' day - one where I haven't eaten much. So what is the point of posting? I've found your posts VERY helpful in the portion size helping me to gauge how much to eat. The posts are supposed to help us be accountable to each other, not to make us feel like we are eating more/less than others. I've rambled on, but my point is...how do we change to make this a board where we all 'fit in'? We (well me anyway) have struggled with 'fitting in' in my life because I always felt the odd one out being fatter than everyone else. I don't want this board to be that way aswell. We need a variety of people and programs here. Maybe we need to think up some new threads to go along with the ones we have now? Maybe we need to move into the next step of the journey, now that we are 6 months down the road. We're not beginners anymore, some of us are near graduation (goal), others of us have a while to go yet (me groan ), but are much closer than we were 6 months ago. Let's get creative guys, and help everyone to feel welcome (Thank you Amy for highlighting this)

Ruth - It always seems you know just exactly what to say!!! Your reply really helped me put some perspective on what I was feeling. I don't really think the board needs to "change" - but your suggestion to start some new threads now that we are further post-op is great. We are all moving into another phase of our journey through WLS - some of us are at different points then others and I know we are all just following our guidelines. I just have felt like there are a handful of people here who have very similar routines and I felt like I was outside of the circle. I see now that I am now - and even so - we all have something we can learn from everyone!!! Like how you feel about being a "slow looser" and how I feel about being a "big eater" - it's not that we resent anyone else - but just are being too hard on ourselves maybe?? And by comparing ourselves to others we might feel we fall short for some reason? You know what I mean? I guess I just need to learn that EVERYONE here is here for a good reason - to support and be supported. I shouldn't let inconsistencies in our journies make me feel inadequate. Thanks again Ruth. You are SO seriously nice!!! What we do without you!?!? You always have supportive, encouraging words whenever anyone needs them!! (HUG)

I do struggle to get in the 700-800 calories my nut recommends with appropriate protein, veggies and fruit BUT I also struggle with (1)Not sitting down and gorging on bag of full butter Popcorn (2)Eating a cookie here and there all day long. I recently found out that 1 cookie doesn't make me dump. So 1 cookie here and 1 cookie there could really cause problems for me. (3)Not eating carbs! I'm not supposed to have any carbs until I hit 75% gone (with the exception of milk and fruits). (4)I have to make myself not drink with my meals. My nut constantly reminds that this is EXTREMELY important in order to keep the weight off. Also, my nut wants me at 7-800 calories only until I lose the weight. I still weigh over 230 pounds so I have a good bit more to lose. You don't! You have done excellent. I read your food post and I envy you, because I can't wait until I'm at the point where I'm eating my 1000-1200 calories and maintaining my weight. Don't leave us. We all learn from each other! Mandy

Thanks Mandy!! First of all - I know I already told you - but DAMN your hair is so cute. Is it ok to say cute??? Sometimes that seems juvenile - but that is THE word for that hair. I friggin love it! I really appreciate you pointing out some of the things you struggle with. A lot of times we don't talk about that much. We are all too eager to share when we are doing good and on track and tend to shy away when we struggle. But I know we all definetely have our battles - even if they are all different!! It's so amazing to me how every nut is so different in their guidelines. Even for me and hubby - we had TOTALLY different post-op instructions. But it seems we all end up at the same point in the end. Maybe it has nothing to do with what exactly we are being told to do - but just that we make an effort to stick to any sort of regime and make the committment to our new lifestyles. We are all coming to/or have recently experienced a turning point in our post-op lives. Even though I feel a million miles away from where I was right after surgery - I know I am 10 million miles from where I was before. So I have to stop sabotaging myself with this negative thinking. It really boils down to me being disappointed in myself I guess. Or thinking that I might be doing something "wrong" compared to what everyone else has been recommended. But there is no right or wrong. I think everyone is on this board for the right reason!!

Amy, I am usually a lurker but your post has inspired me to post. I appreciate your honesty and respect you for saying the things that you are struggling with. In doing so, you have helped countless times lots of us that just lurk. Nobody is the same and if there are not people out there willing to post what they are truly going through...what's the use? Lots of people struggle to eat, lots of people don't. We need the expierences of all. I for one have many of the same demons re: food that you do. I too feel like I am eating too much (1000-1200 calories). I feel like I am not eating the right things. Lot's of stuff. BUT I will tell you for sure that reading your posts as well as everyone else's does help. So, whether you decide to continue to participate or not (which I hope you do) I for one thank you. I am going to try to post more often with my expierences and feelings which do not necessarily compare to most that post but if it will help prevent good people like you from leaving, I will do it.