expectations!

I always think of myself as a slow loser. I'm about 5 1/2 months out and at the beginning of my wls journey I when I contemplated where I would be at the beginning of November, I really thought I would weigh around 145 - 150 lbs. Well, today I weigh 164 and have lost 65 pounds. I have 29 to go to get to dr's goal (normal bmi) and 35 to get to my goal of 129 (just some arbitrary # that seems like a perfect weight for me in my own head!! and i just want to be in the 120's!! Were my expectations unrealistic? Probably. It's hard to accept sometimes that we are right where we need and are supposed to be in this journey. It's hard not to compare ourselves to others. There is this woman on the lightweights board who had surgery in june and weighed about what i did when she started, very similar weight/height as me, well, she is already in the 140's (she just posted she is a size 6) and while I am happy for her, I am also jealous that she is where i thought i would be. Then I think well, she's quite a bit younger than i am. And i do think that age is a factor. and maybe she is just a really fast loser! Anyway, I was just wondering if you guys are comparing yourselves to others and to your own expectations. and where you thought you would be in this journey when it first began. and why does it seem like many of us are disappointed in where we are when we've all come so far? Anyway, I'm on a mission to love myself and others and not beat myself up and i really think this journey is just as much about my head/spirit/heart as it is about my body. Thanks for reading my "book"!!! i really appreciate this board and feel a kinship to all of you. it's like we are walking the same path at the same time. i come here everyday, to see how you all are doing and sometimes to share how i am doing. Thank you all for sharing. deborah

Hi Deborah, I DO compare myself to others, even though my head knows it's not a good idea. We are all so much alike, in the pains and heartaches we experienced being obese ... but at the same time, we are all so very different in the ways our bodies react to this surgery. Our ages, our hormone levels, our activity levels, and so many other factors will play a role in how fast or how slowly we lose the pounds. It sounds like to me that you have done VERY well by losing 65 pounds already! The less you have to lose, the slower it will come off. And you are doing GREAT! I am not where I imagined I'd be either, but I have to remind myself that I had a rough start, I'm older, I'm peri-menopausal, etc. etc! There are so many pieces to the puzzle, and the only thing we really control is how well we follow the guidelines given to us by our surgeons and nutritionists. Stick as closely as you can to what they tell you, and you're destined to meet your goal! Dawn

Hi Deborah, I know where you are coming from! My husband keeps telling me to quit reading these boards! I tell him about how much weight everyone else has lost and I get depressed and try to figure out what I am doing wrong! Then there is other times when I get the support from everyone on here that I ready need!! But everyone does lose different than others! I guess I am considered a light weight.I am also 57 years olds soon and will be out 6 months next week. I have lost a total of 65 pounds so far. I am very happy with that but really expected to lose more by now! I am 5'4 and started at 269 and am at 204,trying sooo hard to get under the 200 mark!! But anyway I am a slow loser!! I also am afraid I will stop losing soon because of the 6 month mark!! But I know it feels so good to find my clothes don't fit anymore! Before I couldn't find any clothes because they were too tight,looked bad,now all my clothes are too big! Anyway, my goal weight is 134,haven't seen that in 38 years!! Sure hope I make it there!! You will make it there,too,I'm sure!!

I compare myself sometimes, but try not too.. I am a slow looser in comparison, to others, I was 283 now 200 and 5 ½ months out. But I guess my body is doing what it will... I am glad to have lost the 83 lbs, but had hoped the weight to "fall off" like they said it would before the surgery...

the best part about this board is knowing that we are not alone in our experiences, thoughts, and feelings. thank you all for sharing your kind responses. and jean, it sounds like the weight really is "falling off"! sounds like we are all doing just fine, and the weight sure is leaving faster than it was put on. in all my years i don't think i ever gained 65 pounds in 5 1/2 months. you all are inspirations. deb

True, but its work, watching our food, exercising....LOL, not easy at all, but plenty worth it

Boy, can I relate to this e-mail!! I have always believed I am a very slow loser... I had surgery on May 26... five months and one week ago. I started at 305 and am now at 232 - a total loss of 73 lbs. I exercise a lot (5-6 hours a week of cardio and weight training), get in 70-80 g of protein a day, and between 1000-1200 calories each day, just as my nutritionist said I should. I get really discouraged when I see that others who started at my weight have already made it to the century club!!!! But I know that being discouraged isn't productive thinking, and I keep trying to put it all in perspective. I met with my surgeon and nutritionist both last week, and both tell me that I'm crazy to think I'm going too slow. So I'm just going to keep plugging along, doing what I'm doing, trying to think intellectually (great progress over time) instead of emotionally (not fast enough!!). It's hard to do sometimes! The bottom line is that we read, read, read all of these amazing stories of fellow WLSers with spectacular weight loss at an accellerated rate, and I think it gives us all unrealistic expectations! To lose an average of 10-15 pounds a month is still spectacular, right?!? I guess the thing to do, when our minds are getting all out of whack by the ultra-speedy experiences of other WLS folks, is to talk to nonWLS folks... they always seem to get my head back in line!

Yes, I'm in this club too. I can totally relate to everything everyone has said. Just like Karen, my husband tells me not to come on the board sometimes, when I get emotional about not loosing faster (a few weeks ago), but at other times (most of the time) I really need and value the support I get from here. I would feel so out on my own without you guys. I thought I would have lost double the amount by now than I have. I've lost 56lbs in 5 months whereas others have lost more than 100lbs as you say. My average loss now is 1lb a week - I've been loosing nothing for 2 weeks then 3lb in one week. BUT, my logic HAS to tell me that I am doing OK. I love the point you made about the weight not going on this fast - hee hee, that made me stop and think, and then chuckle. It doesn't help thinking it's better for me to loose slowly. I want to be where others are, but I'm not. Sometimes on a bad day, I feel like I don't get the benefit of eating anymore but I'm not getting the benefits of not eating anymore either - i.e. not loosing weight and not eating and feel like I'm in an in-between place. I'm me, you are you and others are others. We KNOW we shouldn't compare, but we all do. I posted ages ago about making comparisons, and have just been reminded of it. It's good to make comparisons ONLY if they are between how you are now and how you used to be. When I think of how I used to feel at 266lbs, and how I feel now, I am a different person. Sometimes it's good to look back at where we've come from, rather than always looking forward to where we want to be. If we always look forward things can get out of perspective. Thanks for this post. It's good to know that there are lots of us all feeling the same. Let's all encourage each other over the next few months, celebrate each others victories and support each others frustrations. Even for those loosing faster, it's not all a bed of roses. We are all dealing with different issues, some of which we probably don't post, thinking we are the only ones dealing with it! We will ALL get there in the end if we stick with it. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter how long it takes. It's not a race that only one will win, it's a journey which we need to go on enjoying the experiences and lessons along the way.

Ruth very well put. I couldn't have said it better.. Dawn R

Hi Deborah I so know what you are talking about with comparing ourselves to other people!!!In all my research I always heard not to do this, but we are only human & its natural to want to know how we are doing, if we are doing well, what else we can do to do better!!!Its what I like about this board(the fact that we can come here to each other, all going through similar things). I lurk on the other boards(main,lightweight,Alabama)but here I feel a kinship!!!You are all my sisters & brothers(for the guys out there who are not posting, hehe). I read the post on the lightweight board the other day about the lady who is in a size 6!!!I was so happy for her & then I was so jealous!!(all natural feelings I'm sure.)I think what helped me was when I went for my 3 month check up(I was having one of those days thinking I was losing slow) my Dr figured up my percentage of weight loss & I was above where he wanted me & then he showed me the percentage of weight I had lost that was fat(it was 112% at consult & at 3mth it was 72%)I was so impressed with myself. I go next Thursday for my 6 month appt-can't wait to see what he has to say!!! (yeah I am looking for compliments-hehe)I really like what you said about being on a mission to love yourself!!!I feel that way to!!I just want to be healthy, enjoy life & love myself!!!Just want you to know you are not alone!!!(((Hugs))) ~Missy~