My Jerry Springer life

Hi Megan - Thank you for trusting us with your situation. It took a lot of courage to share what's been going on. I pretty much agree with most of the other responses above. I'm single, and have not gotten much attention from men (I live in San Francisco after all, they tend to go the other way, if you know what I mean), so I haven't yet had to face this issue, but I'm sure it will come up eventually. I can certainly understand the infatuation with a gorgeus guy, especially if you've always felt like that was something you couldn't have, that was unattainable. I also think that with the weight loss, the sex drive has gone up a lot, which may make it more difficult to think clearly. Also, since you can't use food to cope with stuff anymore, maybe you are channeling all of that emotional energy into this relationship? My question to you isn't about the new guy, but rather, what keeps you with your husband that you don't love? I hope this doens't sound too preachy, and that it helps in some way. Take care, Heather

Hi Heather, Good question. My son keeps me with my husband. I haven't been in love with Steve in a long time and he is well aware of that. He's a great father to my son however - and if I do leave him I'll lose my stepdaughter whom I've raised from birth.

Hi Megan - I can see how that would be a difficult, and very painful situation. I don't know if your husband would let you both share joint custody of both kids? He can still be a great dad and you can still be a great mom even if you're not married to one another. If he's a great dad, he would not come between you and your daughter. I'm just concerned that you are sacrificing your own happiness by staying with someone you don't love, and if neither you or your husband is happy in the long run, your kids will miss out on the happy sides of both of you. BUT, having said all that, I don't have children so I can't possibly know how difficult this is, and so I'm speaking from a removed viewpoint. I'm not saying you should get divorced or tell you what to do, I'm just trying to offer another perspective. You will have my support no matter what! Take care, Heather

Hi Megan, I am so busy with school that I rarely post but... I have been in an open marriage and in a similar situation to you. My former husband and I were best friends and we still are close. We thought that we would just stay together but we both ended up falling in love with other people. Once you step out of your marriage for intimacy with another person I believe, after having been there, it further erodes the intimacy in your primary relationship. It is really not the best situation for your children. It has been seven years since we divorced and we are both still with the people we fell in love with. Our daughter is 17 and doing great; we have always made sure to put her first and her healthy development has been our priority. I understand your addiction to 'new guy' but I can tell from your posts that you are not really interested in having a committed relationship with new guy. Your marriage, from what you describe, is coming to its natural end and new guy is part of the transition. Don't feel bad about where you are right now - I am sure, after the flames of infatuation begin to recede in about six weeks, that you will be clear that new guy isn't really what you want. Then maybe you can move toward finding a partnership that meets all your needs. Be well, Christine

Christine, THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! I was praying that someone could understand or relate to my situation... thank you thank you!! Your reply means the world to me. I talked last night to Steve about my moving out and he dosen't want to hear it. I hope that eventually he'll come to accept and want that as well. I'm traveling for work this whole week and hoping that the distance from both boys will help to clear my head!!

Oh Megan I'm sooooo pleased that someone was able to 'relate'. It's all very well us giving you our advice from the best intentions, ut it's not until you are in teh same situation (or similar) that you can really get a better perspective. I'm really glad you trusted us and posted this, so that Christine was able to help. Let this be a lesson to us all - what we post may help others or there WILL be someone out there who can help us. Sending thoughts & prayers your way

(((((((((((Megan))))))))))))))) far be it from me to be a stone tosser! The issue that "gets" me is the new guy coming over when the kids are there (if i read that right) i just don't think that's the right thing to do. You want to go out and fool around you go girl just don't bring your "stuff" home. I wish you much luck my friend because boy that's not an easy situation. Hugs, ANDI

Megan, First of all (((((HUGS)))))! It must have been really hard to come here to us & post this!!No judging here!!!Life is hard!!!I think you have recieved alot of good advice above!!You said yourself " "New Guy" isn't a good thing for me... he has many issues that I won't even begin to get into right now." You know he's not good for you!!I know in time you will make the best decision for yourself & your children!! ~Missy~

Hi Megan, Like many of our friends on this board, I was also concerned about you. In fact, there have been a few nights that I got on the May board just to see if you have posted. You are so brave for sharing your "Jerry Springer life" It sounds like being away for the wek will be a good thing for you to help clear your head and figure things out. You know what to do, it just isn't that easy. Especially since he's a hottie! Thank you for being so honest. You are really an inspiration for so many people on this board. Hugs Kristen