My Jerry Springer life

Okay... I'm going to put it all out there because I need advice and I hope that there is another women on this board that can relate to what Im' going through... My husband and I agreed to an "open marriage" about a month ago. He is very very much "in love" with me and I'm totally out of love. We had issues way before my surgery and has only gotten worse. Anyway- the open marriage was agreed to. Three weeks ago - I met a guy at the bar. Not great, I know. Well we talked all night (drunk) and have literally spent every single day together since. My husband works nights so he's been spending the night quite a bit too. Not a grand idea, I know - but it's happening. "New Guy" is only 23 - I'm 28. "New Guy" isn't a good thing for me... he has many issues that I won't even begin to get into now. He is by far the most gorgeous man I've ever dated and it's taken my back ... a lot. I'm in "awe" that I've got a man that looks like him and it makes me oversee all else. When I say all else - i mean there are a lot of not good issues. Steve (my husband) and friends have all tried to get me to see through him and stop seeing him but I'm addicted to him. I'll tell him literally everyday that I can't see him anymore and then I'll end up seeing him and be hooked again. What's wrong with me? Why can't I just let go?! He's done NOTHING positive for my life and causing so many issues all over. Anyway - that's a bit of the reason I've been MIA. I've been spending all of my free/extra time with "New Guy". I'm traveling this whole week for work which might be enough for me to finally break it off.. I hope!

Hey Megan, I bet that took a lot of courage to write that out and send it to all of us. The deal for an open marriage is something that you and your husband negotiated. So, if I am understanding you right, what is bothering you is that you have picked a new guy that is wrong for you. Is that correct? Well, I don't know first hand any specific advice, BUT, I did read an interesting article on the exercise/fitness forum(of all places) the other day. I even sent it to my counselor. The jist of the article is about what we replace our addiction for overeating with. Here's the link. Maybe it will help. (I hope everyone will read it!) http://obesityhelp.com/forums/fitness/cmsID,8988/mode,content/ There is also supposed to be an episode of Oprah on Tuesday that talks about Post-WLS behaviors. What I would just like to say is that you had this surgery to have a better life. You have an awesome opportunity to change your life (with or without your husband). Just remember everything you went through to have the surgery because you wanted something better for yourself, so try to do things every day that remind you of this. Good Luck and keep us posted. Rachael

You are very very brave to bring that to the board. What I want to say to you Megan is that regardless of what you agreed to with your husband (it is not for me to judge) . . you have to still be true to yourself. Don't allow that OLD insecure Megan to make major decisions in your life. If in your heart you know that this person is not good for you, NEW Megan has to make the decision to walk away. Don't allow this to set you back from coming so far. You are not the same person and just cause he fine don't mean you should lower your standards. I hope you will be able to shake this man before things can get worse . . . no since in jumping from one hot frying pan to a hotter frying pan (southern saying). Take care and I wish you well. Phenom

Oh Megan! My heart goes out for you. All of us have made mistakes in our life so none of us will judge you. We are only here to help and support in any way we can. I only wish there was an easy fix for this mess you have yourself in. Here you are feeling SO GOOD about yourself with your weight loss and of course you are tempted!! BUT - kiddo - step back and relax for a minute, clear your mind and think! This is all about Megan! - a beautiful, wonderful person that deserves the best things in life and evicently this guy does not sound like it SO - be brave, be strong and DUMP HIM! He is using you. You deserve better than this! There are alot of nice guys out there, if you decide not to stay with Steve but - do not make any rash decisions, enjoy the new Megan first for awhile. I know this is all easier said than done but YOU CAN DO IT!! I will be praying for you!! Love, Hugs and prayers, Darlene

Hi Megan It took a lot of courage to put yourself out there. I have to say that you know what's best for you to do. You know what's right. Your husband probably only agreed to the open marriage because he wants to hold on to you and hops that you will get all this out of your system. My concern is. Are your children in the middle of this and see this guy staying the night and such with mommy? If so, that is not good for them... You are a beautiful woman and are coming into your own. If your marriage does not work out than so be it. However, it sounds like your taking a dangerous path for you and your family... It's ok to feel pretty but evaluate the risks. Have your fun away from home. And do the right thing. See a counselor if you need to ...... I understand the excitement this new "hot" guy brings to your life. I did it when I was 40 and he was 26.... ( I was also not married at the time).. saying that... I was divorced about 2 years prior and needed to find myself again... I do understand that need...Its not easy.. I think we all understand the feelings you are having... Just be careful and know you have friends and support here!

Megan, I'm single so I can't really relate to the marriage side of the issue. BUT I can see how "addictive" it could be for a "hot" guy to be paying attention to you. If he were a great guy this would be different. But from what you've said he's not. If you're not happy in your marriage that is one thing, but don't try to fix it with someone who's not any better???!!!? You are different now than you were preop in more ways than one BUT you did, do, and always will deserve what is BEST for you. This "new guy" doesn't seem to fit that description. I wish you the best. Mandy

Hey Megan I'm glad you feel able to come on the board and ask advice. You know we all want the best for you. Reading through your post, it seems to me you know what you need to do and are lookign for confirmation. Trust your heart and follow your instinct. You've been through a huge change - not only physically in the size of your body but emotionally too. Whatever you decide to do, give yourself time, before making a decision you may regret later. You are in a very emotional time right now, which is not the best time to make major life changing desicions. Get into a place of 'safe haven' for you and your children, where-ever that may be. Hope it all works out how you need it to. Sorry I couldn't be more helpful. (((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Hey Megan!!! ((((((((((HUGS))))))))) This sounds like a very difficult situation first of all!! I cannot relate to this but I do have some questions, does your husband have someone else outside of the relationship??? Are you breaking this off because your husband wants you to or you just know he's bad for you? How is the sex??? Enquiring minds want to know??? LMAO!!!

Yes, Steve has met someone outside of our marriage as well. When I say open marriage - I should have expanded. We're staying together (in the house) for the kids and we're friends only. He's free to date whom he wants and I the same. We don't sleep in the same room and have no physical contact. The sex with "New Guy" is absolute hands down the best I've ever had. No questions asked. That's part of what makes it so darn hard to let go of him. It's amazing... I can't even begin to explain how AMAZING it is. A - M - A - Z - I - N - G

I kinda had that idea about you and Steve because of the correspondence we had about a month after surgery but I didnt know for sure what the resolution was. I'll e mail you later.