Must share.

I posted this on the lightweight board last week, but for some reason I feel that I must share it here. I regularly come to this board because I had my RNY in May. I rarely post here, mainly lurk and compare my loss to all of you. I've been thinking about sharing this with you for several days now, not sure why, just feel so compelled to. Maybe because a part of me feels regret at having the surgery. So here it is: I'm not really sure if this is the place for me to post, but, I have received the most support from this board, so, I hope no one minds. I had RNY 5-19-06. I'm 44 and my husband is almost 48. We have 2 daughters, 22 yrs and 19 years. Our 22 year old is married and has a one year old son (who is the light of our lives!) We always wanted more children, we lost a child after our youngest and tried for years after that to have another. I had an ectopic pregnancy and lost my left tube and the dr told us that unless we were willing to go to further measures (in vitro...) then we would probably never have more children. We literally have not used birth control for 18 years! Well, about a week ago I found out that I was about 15 weeks pregnant. I had an ultrasound and the radiologist said everything looked great, I saw the little baby moving and it's heart beating. My husband and I though shocked were also happy and felt blessed. The night that I had the ultrasound I started having horrible pains and the placenta abrupted from my uterus. I lost alot of blood and I had to be induced and go into labor so I could dialate and have the baby. I just feel so bad, so guilty. Here I was pregnant and having symptoms of that and I attributed everything to this surgery! I was sick as a dog and I thought it was because of the surgery. I had slow weight loss, I had headaches, fatigue... all the symptoms. I even could feel my uterus and I thought, well I haven't been this little for a long time, maybe it's the surgery, I couldn't be pregnant! And I was starving myself! Worried about losing weight! If I would have just paid attention and gone to the dr's sooner maybe they would have sent me to dr's from Duke because I was high risk and maybe they could have done something or told me to do something! Anyway, I don't want this to be so long, I just had to share. Thanks. Deborah

Deborah, I'm so sorry for your loss... I understand all your pain and all the what if's you are constantly thinking about, I've been there. If you need someone to talk I'm here. Hugs Bobbie

How Heart breaking!! I am so sorry for your loss. I will be remembering you and your husband in my prayers! Love, Hugs and Prayers, Darlene

Deborah I'm so sorry to have learned about your loss. Please always feel welcome here. I wish that there was something that I could do or say to ease your pain but of course there is not. God bless you *hugs* Btw, I too lost a child.

I am so sorry Peace and love to you and your husband! Kathryn

Oh Deborah! That is so sad and I'm so very sorry for you and your husband. Deanna

I am truly sorry for your loss. and I know in my heart that I can reassure you that you didnt do anything wrong. not going to the doctor didnt cause this to happen. if you had been going to the doctor all this time, there is still nothing they can do. there is no pill, drug, or procedure to stop a placenta from abrupting. it is just part of nature. and I know that it hurts deep down inside. the loss, even with such an unexpected miracle, is still going to be so hard to greive. but greieve you must. while the doctors do not consider a 15 week as 'viable' this is still your baby. which needs a name and memorial just the same. one of the things that I would be feeling if it were me is that I had been selfish to have the surgery at all when all things are considered, but I know that one has nothing to do with the other. normal healthy people lose babies without the surgery, I do not think that your WLS contributed to it. a baby is a pretty resilient creature, and they will sap you dry before they go without, not the other way around. you do not rob from the baby any nutrients. so my hearfelt sincere hugs as you get through this. keep posting, you are part of our 'family' and once you are feeling better, we look forward to really antagonizing you and teasing you without mercy, because that is just the way some of us are. we are warped but warm spirited. Kat [Photographer & Mom of 5] [[ Some people are like slinkies, they don't really have a purpose, but they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.]] 275/247/181/150 start/surgery/today/goa

I am so sorry to hear about this. You have a lot of courage to share this with us. You are in my prayers. I have never lost a child, but one of my best friends has had quite a few miscarriages, so I know this is very hard. Take care. ((Big Hug))

I truly appreciate your empathy and sympathy. I do have mixed feelings about my WLS now. My dr. says to give myself time and I am trying to do that. Thank you again for letting me share. It means so much. Sincerely, Deborah

Deborah, I am so very sorry to hear about your loss. As a single mom, I can only imagine the pain and grief you are going through right now. Please try not to "second guess" yourself. Unfortunately, what happened was probably going to happen, regardless of what you did or could have done. This is one of the times in our lives when there's really no explanation and no "one" to blame. It doesn't help the pain to realize this, though. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us help you in any way we can. "Talk" to us, and post - we are all here for each other. Not only with WLS issues, but other issues in our lives. -Alisa