Opinions/Advice

This has been on my mind for a while now, but it is becoming more of an "issue" lately as I lose more and more and more and more people take notice. When I decided to have the surgery in May, I told only my dh/immediate family. Not even my best friend-figured I would get ZERO support from her anyway, and it would just become a topic of conversation for her and her husband to have fun with...Anyway, I told my boss at work, of course, my co-worker in my department, and one girl in the administration who has had the surgery. It isn't that I am ashamed of the surgery, it is, just personal. I figured my medical history is just that, my medical history. Well, of course now people are really noticing, I'm down 65 lbs, and I am receiving nice compliments, which I graciously accept. The problem lies in when they ask, "How are you doing it?" "Weigh****chers?" I normally respond, "A diet of high protein/low carbs/no sugar, portion control, and a lot of exercise." I don't know if I feel like a hypocrite, or nervous that if somehow they find out I had the surgery if they think I have 'lied' to them. My mother has said, "It is no one's business but your own." But a big flaw of mine is always worrying what people will think of me. I know people aren't stupid, and may eventually put two and two together and come up with the answer as-"She had that surgery." I don't know what to do. Do I continue as I have been, keeping it personal? Or do I go into the entire ordeal of the surgery? What do you all think? I know this is a very controversial subject, and I don't want anyone to think I am pulling a Starr Jones. I am not trying to pull the wool over anyone's eyes, I just feel a little guarded about getting into the entire need for surgery etc...

I have been struggling with the same thing lately. I also went into this decision only telling my immediate family and a few of my closest friends. I too considered it a personal decision, and saw no need to share it with everyone. However, now that I have lost 66 pounds I'm getting the "How are you losing all your weight" questions as well. My answer remains the same as yours - I always tell them it's a combination of very small portions, high protein, low sugar, low fat, low carb, drinking lots of water and getting lots of exercise. But I sometimes wonder if I'm doing the right thing. But I've decided that it continues to be my own personal decision and lifestyle change. I choose not to go into the details with everyone who asks simply because where I gush how great the procedure was and how it has changed my life, it might not be the right decision for everyone. It's very difficult post-op, and there are chances of severe complications, and I don't want anyone to jump into the decision based on how they perceive the experience has been for me. I also quite honestly don't want to deal with the varied reactions I may get - from encouragement and support to those who will be "haters" and try to sabotage or discredit what I have done. So I still choose to keep my personal decision for WLS to myself, and I continue to think I've made the best decision for me. That being said, a lot of people choose to share with anyone who asks what their experience is/was, and I think that's great because it's probably the best decision for them. I don't know if I was of any help, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in what you're thinking about. -Alisa

Alisa, Thanks for your reply and it seems we are in the same boat. I think you hit the nail on the head when you wrote, " I also quite honestly don't want to deal with the varied reactions I may get - from encouragement and support to those who will be "haters" and try to sabotage or discredit what I have done." That is what I am feeling as well. No matter what they would think, I know of the hard time I went through-drinking nothing bu****er for 17 straight days. Having to pull myself out of bed or off the couch and do an hour power walking in 100 degree heat, or the countless tests both pre/post-op. Not good times, y'know. And definitely not the easy way out as I am sure they will immediately think. The one thing that doesn't sit well with me is this...we all know people in the office 'talk', this secretary is friends with that secretary etc...I know some around here are aware of my having had the surgery eventhough I had not told them. I know a person or two that I held in confidence that probably did not keep my secret and then of course, that person told this person and etc. Now I feel awkward if I think someone knows and over hears me telling another my stock answer. Does that make sense? Like they hear me telling another how I did it, but meanwhile the person overhearing me who 'knows' via someone else is thinking, "I know the truth, that's not how she did it-she's lying." I don't know how to really explain what I mean. But it makes me feel funny. Thanks again.

I'm also an "open book". I let everyone know from the get-go. IMO if you're starting to feel funny about your stock answer and feel like you're "pulling a Star Jones" as you put it, then I think you are ready to tell people. Perhaps your response can be more than just, "I've had gastric bypass surgery," but elaborate more using your stock answer. Such as, "I've had gastric bypass surgery which requires a diet of high protein/low carbs/no sugar, portion control, and a lot of exercise." This way you can get accross that surgery is not just a "quick fix" or "magic bullet", but requires a lot of dicipline and hard work to make the tool work. ~kelle

I think Alisa offered a great post and she can most relate. I'm an open book. I was so excited about my life change that I told everyone. I told all of my coworkers, family, friends everyone... I figured they'd all figure it out anyhow and I didn't want any "surprises". I'm not ashamed at all of my decision and quite proud of it. I work for a large company and I was the first to have such a surgery (which is a shock because we have plenty of large friends and our insurance covered 100% - I had ONE $10 copayment). I've had a lot of friendly support but no one (friends, family, coworkers etc...) understands what I have or will go through because I'm the "first". Anyway.... I'm rambling. HAHAHA

I like Megan am and have been an open book about my surgery. 1) I was so excited I couldn't hold it in. 2) I figured they would figure it out. 3) I didn't wanna have to deal with the situation you are describing. THAT said I totally understand where you are coming from. One lady I know that had WLS finally got tired of all the questions and her response became...."I just quit eating!" Now thats the truth isn't it?? lol Seriously, if this is something you want to keep private that is your perrogative, but you need to be prepared for some people to feel "lied" to even though you only "omitted" a little detail! HUGS and hang in there! Mandy

I have been honest about how I am losing all this weight from the get go. Most of my family is very encouraging...when I tell them how I have done they keep saying good job. But, I do have this one sister that is a 1 1/2 yrs younger than I am.....she has always been smaller then I am.......even though she is also overweight. Now I guess that reality has set in for her and she is telling a mutual friend that she is stressing because she doesnt want to be the biggest one in the family...(something I have had to deal with most of my life). She is the type that always has to be the center of attention. Well, anyways....the other nite I went to Ponderosa with her and my niece. My niece and I were talking about the weight loss when all of a sudden she says...quit bragging...all you did was take the easy way out by having this surgery done. I said...you think this is easy? I told her think again...this is hard work and it wont change ever...this is a life altering surgery I had done and will have to live like this the rest of my life. Then I said....but the fun part .....I will be smaller than you...and you will never get down to where I will be. I know that was mean but I had to...what she said hurt me. This in no way is easy what we have gone thru. But I think on her part it is just plain old jealousy. She is already freaking out...so this friend told me about the plastic surgery I will get done afterwards. I know it is her problem to deal with her demons and not mine....but she needs to get over it. She told her friend that she thinks I had this surgery done to be smaller than her.....I did it to save my life. I want to be here when my grandaughter graduates from high school, I want to be here when she gets married. Its just frustrating. Well...I have vented now...thanks for listening. At least I know all of you understand. Kel

I know what you mean. Although I told all my friends & family members (well...my mom told the whole extended family), I only told a few people at work. I found it was easier to tell the heavier people. Then, last week, in the middle of our department meeting, 2 of the nurses looked at me & said, "My God, you've lost a lot of weight! How are you doing it?" Well, they are both super thin, & they are only acquaintances, not close friends. I just said that I am eating a whole lot less than I used to & trying to fcus on protein & low carb foods. I felt like such a liar. Like I was really cheating somehow by leading them to think I just have newfound incredible willpower. I can relate to what you're feeling. Dar

Ok I'm going to add my two pence worth!! (Hope that's not just a British saying and that you understand ) I only told some friends and some of my family - not my dad as he would worry. If someone overhears me talking about it I don't mind them knowing, but I haven't gone out of my way to tell everyone. Only some people - 2 close co-workers (who now say you shouldn't be eating that, each time I put something in my mouth!!, wish I hadn't told them) and senior management know at work. I ended up telling more people than I originally planned to as I asked them for prayer when things got rough. I tell other people I eat less and exercise more. I don't see this as a lie - it's what I am doing. Now the fact that WLS is the tool I use to help me achieve this is, in my mind, irrelevant. My 'diet' is smaller portions and high protein. That's all they need to know. If they choose to speculate further, then that's up to them. As a general principle, I don't like to lie, but I honestly don't see this as lying and feel very comfortable with it. However, having said all that if you feel you are lying to them, you need to address this and either not lie (!!!!!!) and tell the world, or come to a peace about who and what you are going to tell people. If, after this you decide to tell a few more 'chosen' people, you can always explain to them why you didn't tell them initially. This is your journey, and no-one can tell you what to do. You've got to feel comfortable with your decisions as you are the one whos got to live with them. Whatever you decide, I hope things work out for you. By the way, what did Star Jones do - she was the one on 'points of view' wasn't she?

PS.. Sorry forgot to say that if someone comes and asks me directly have I had surgery I tell them yes, answer any questions they may have but don't elaborate too much. I find people don't really want to know the gory details