My words on my anniversary
Not to steal fire from Kathy's or Aliya's powerful posts, but here is my post on my surgery anniversary. You men and women mean the world to me. You have been so helpful in this year of extremes -- both the wonderful days and difficult days.
Anyway ...
I've been browsing through my journal from the months just prior to my WLS. I found some things that make today's milestone so important.
February 22, 2005 --
"I looked at Alta's web site pictures today. We've had such a big snow winter, and the powder skiing pictures made my heart leap. I haven't skiied in 3 years because I just feel too darn fat. I miss the ecstatic feeling I used to get when skiing through waist-deep powder. It's a feeling that can only be compared to flying. I'm thinking that next year at this time I will be back at Alta with my skis on, standing at the top of Ballroom with an untracked fresh 18" waiting for me."
-- This came true, just about exactly a year to the date of this entry --
March 28, 2005 --
"I should be happy. There is a slight rain. The daffodils and forsythia are blooming. My favorite kind of day. (R. laughs -- "Rain!")
Instead I feel anxiety. Not crushing anxiety, but a floating black spot in front of my mind's eye. I am facing my life's failures. I have put so much stock into my weight that when I am confronted with the various failures I've had in my life in regards to that, I feel a total failure.
... I am not able to control my weight myself. ... Note to self: no more eating in the car."
-- A year later I have been given a gift of a new way of thinking, a new opportunity. I can control my weight myself. I have learned so many things. I am confronting feelings that I never would have let surface a year ago.
And finally, here's my anniversary questionnaire filled out:
1. Surgery date/type of surgery:
Lap RNY - May 2, 2005
2. Highest weight/date:
303 lbs. April 28, 2005
3. Starting weight/BMI:
303 lbs. what is that? 47?
4. Starting clothing size/shoe size:
26/11
5. Current weight/BMI:
158/24.7
6. Current clothing size/shoe size:
10/12 -- shoes 10.5
7. Pounds/inches lost:
145 -- don't track inches
8. Goal weight/BMI:
147/23
9. Pounds to goal weight:
11
10. Medical issues that have resolved because of the surgery:
High blood pressure, High LDLs, arthritic hip is much better, Achilles tendonitis, plantar fasciitis
11. First wow moment after surgery:
Being able to set my purse down next to me on the seat in the car.
12. Best overall wow moment after surgery:
Being thought of as "always thin" by someone who didn't know me before.
13. Most recent wow moment after surgery:
Working really hard in the garden and not getting worn out
14. Things that you can do now that you couldn't a year ago:
tie my shoes, trim my toenails, shop anywhere I want
15. Things that you never thought you'd be doing that you are doing now:
wear a size 10, go snow skiing again
16. Things that you want to do in the future now that you are able:
gosh, hadn't thought of that -- probably backpacking, kayaking
17. What did you wish that you knew before surgery that you know now?
that a lot of WLS patients regain their weight
18. What has surprised you the most since your surgery?
how differently people treat thin people
19. Do you have any regrets since your surgery?
I regret that my Mom is not here to see me at this size, she hated my fat.
20. Any things that you wish you would have done differently during your post-op journey?
I wish I'd started strength training earlier
21. Besides the change in size, what other changes have you seen in yourself? Are the changes for the good or bad?
I go into rages at times (not a good thing) out of various frustrations. Before I would've stuffed these feelings back. -- Overall, I'm just generally happier.
22. What has been the easiest thing since surgery?
Buying new clothes.
23. What has been the hardest thing since surgery?
Eating very small quantities
24. What remains a struggle for you?
Eating small quantities. Avoiding snacks
25. Do you drink with meals?
No
26. Do you drink carbonated beverages?
occasionally stuff like Perrier
27. Do you drink alcohol?
no
28. Do you intake protein supplements? If so, how much per day.
Advant Edge Carb Control protein shake. 1 per day.
29. How has the surgery effected your relationship with spouse or significant other?
We are closer. He has been surprised by the above-mentioned rages.
30. How has the surgery effected your relationship with your family?
No
31. How has the surgery effected your relationship with your friends?
No
32. How has the surgery effected your relationship with your coworkers?
No
33. If you could pass along advice "been there, done that" to pre-ops, what advice would it be?
Start strength training as soon as you are able
34. What is your favorite forum on OH? (Hint, hint)
May 2005 message board, what an incredible source of support
35. Who has inspired you in your journey the most? Is it someone who know who has had the surgery? Is it someone's profile that you track? Is it someone from your local support group?
I tracked Leilani's profile, Dana ("Cajun Girl"), Lori Rosendhal
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