11 months today! (warning: not a happy post)

No new epiphanies from me. Just feeling sorta blah. The scale was somewhat kind to me this week and I didn't have to put another gain on my profile for this month. I ended my 11th month the same weight as I ended my 10th month. Oh boy! Which is about the same weight as I ended my 8th month. I cannot believe 4 months with a net of nothing, nada, cero, zero, etc. Plus I've been working out at the gym for 3 full months now and I'm good about going 4-5 times a week on average (except for the week after my neck surgery). And you know what? Virtually no measurement changes from the last ones I had posted on my profile which was November. Maybe 3-4 inches total in 5 months. All that working out and for what? I know, I know. The working out is probably preventing the scale from soaring but still. It'd be nice to see the fruits of my labors, ya know? I know I've come a long way in 11 months (actually 14 months if ya want to get technical since I started my pre-op weight loss 3 months before actual surgery). Hmmm, putting that in writing almost makes me wonder if I hit my physical year mark earlier than most because of the 3 months of loss (32 lbs) beforehand. Dunno. It is an idea, eh? The things I try to convince myself. Sheesh! I hate it that I'm disappointed. I really do. I swore to myself that I wasn't going to put undo pressure on myself and I was going to accept the weight loss that came without complaint and hopefully without comparing myself to others. Guess I shouldn't swear, eh? I really figured when I reached about 170 in January that I'd reach goal by my anniversary. But here I am a pound heavier and not even a trimmer body to show for the 3 months of working out. Please remember that I suffer from alot of bloating with my side pain and that makes clothing that I was wearing in January/February off limits. I cannot wear my size 12 Tommy jeans since they aren't stretch. Those paints were falling off me a couple of months ago and I was into size 8s. This just plain sucks. Hopefully my pain situation will be resolved in the next month or so. Gosh, I cannot believe I said that. A month. A long freakin' month. Got my colonoscopy on May 1st and I go back to my surgeon on May 5th and will discuss my exploratory lap surgery at that time. Anyway, thanks for letting me complain. Yes, I would like some cheese with my whine. Kathy

Kathy I would like some cheese with my wine also. I am in the same boat as you with the wieght loss. I go back and forth with acceptance and frustration so I do know how you feel. I am hanging in there. Good luck with your colonoscopy. Just know that you arent alone. besides commiserating I saw a post that you had made sometime back about smooth move tea and I too have difficulty in that area. I bought some and I would like to know how often you use this? Thanks, Lurking lesa

Actually, I've only used the tea a couple of times. I chew 2 fiber choice tablets a day. If I feel sluggish, I'll take a percolace. And for me, a cup of regular coffee in the morning seems to "help" - thank you, Maxwell House. Many folks grind flax seed and mix it in with food/shakes. They swear by it. Kathy

Hi Sweety... complain away... I wish there was something I could say to make it better, but I'll save the platitudes - you've heard em all... Just wanted to let you know I'm sorry you're feeling so down and let you know I luffs ya!

Thanks, Beckster! I appreciate it.

Dear Kathy, Happy Surgery anniversary. You have come a long way baby! I too am not losing in ways part of me had hoped. I got really bummed yesterday and even shed tears over my progress compared to some others. I know, I know the cardinal sin of comparison is DO NOT COMPARE THYSELF WITH OTHERS. But as a human it is not easy to resist the temptation. As morbidly obese people nobody would argue with the fact that we all suffered from some self esteem issues. So in the wls arena why wouldn't slow losers like myself NOT feel less than ??? It is a slippery slope. I work hard also to exercise and journal everything I put in my mouth, watching to get in the protein and liquids pretty faithfully. But the fruits are not revealing tremendous strides lately and frankly it is a little hard to bear. Especially when I see the posts of those who have lost soooo much more or at goal. I know this is a support group and we rely on it for encouragement and support and info and updates on each other but last night I consulted with my bestest support person, my dear husband. I shared my tears and frustration and then sat back and listened to his take on my changes this past year. He is delighted and amazed at how good I look and feel. He is so sooooo happy my health is tremendously improved. He said I am beautiful to him and look younger and am so much more energetic and fun to be around. He went on and on and as I listened, some things became much more clear. My dreams and goals were not to win the contest but to look and feel better and to overcome the burden my morbid obesity was on me (and my family). I feel alive. I can get around without 80% of the pain before. I am much freer to be { IN LIFE } now. I no longer feel virtually like an invalid but a vital woman. I can enjoy my children and grandchildren so much more. And they enjoy me more now too...because it is easier to enjoy a LIVE wire. I laugh more and find I actually need to talk less. I listen more and feel free and open to just be present to others. When I surveyed this past year and the progress thru the eyes of my beloved husband and ( high school sweetheart ! ) everything took on a different color. I put away my black and white thinking / paints ...and captured the glow of the sunny yellow and grassy green poster colors he painted with. And ya know what ???? This life I have is with HIM and my family. If he sees me thru such eyes of love and success ...just maybe I can try on those lenses and give up the addictive negative derision I put myself thru. It robs me of this day and the gifts I am given to enjoy. I will march in the direction of my goal weight. But by the grace of God I will accept the love and delight and pleasure my honey finds in me and decide that I { AM } enough! For your surgiversary I wish for you freedom and joy in your beloved eyes as well, ( When you look... you will see that it is already there! ) Mary

Mary, I can so relate to your post! You are so lucky to have a supportive husband. Good for you! You have done well and it is great he can remind you of that. Lori

Oh nuts, Kathy. Feel free to whine here, we have sympathetic ears. {{HUGS FOR YOU}} I know it's little consolation for the stalled weight loss, health problems, etc., but you really *DO* look great. I hope your health issues improve with the exploratory surgery ... Your jeans will fit again. Hang in there. Post any time. Eileen