So what is eating you, Maysters?

Not what are you eating... what is eating you. Many of us are having food issues lately. Falling back into old eating habits, falling back into negative feelings about ourselves, falling back into food as a comfort, etc. So, what is eating you? For me... 1. Food as a comfort - pain. I physically feel crappy. I have side pain each and every day and some slight pouch pain. I'm waiting on the gastroenterologist's office for over 10 days to schedule a colonoscopy which I think will yield nothing. But I need to get that done before returning to my surgeon so that we can schedule exploratory surgery to find the cause of my pain (lead suspects: internal hernia or adhesions). Other problem, the carafate suspension (liquid) I was prescribed for the possible pouch ulcer was causing dumping so I switched to the tablet form which is now causing horrible abdominal cramping/digestive issues. It sucks. The bottom line is I hurt each and every day and that wears so darned thin on you. I think I'm munch more than I need to because of it. 2. Food as a comfort - stress. I'm stressed about bills lately. I don't like debt hovering over us. I don't like our spending habits and things need to change. 3. Old negative thoughts - comparing myself to others. I see folks on other boards that are so newer post-op than us and the weight is falling off and they have blown past me weight-wise and size-wise. I know, I know not to compare myself but it's hard not to do when your weight loss has stopped for virtually 4 months now. I had 7 months of losses and that's it! That bites. 4. Old negative thoughts - gym. I've been working very hard at the gym for 3 months now and while I certainly can accept no weight loss... I don't understand the lack of inch changes. There is almost no difference. I feel stronger. I can tell muscle tone is there that wasn't a few months ago but basically no difference with the tape measure. 5. Old negative thoughts - clothing. With a few extra pounds and my funny belly issues and pain... my pants can get tight on a given day. One day I bloated so bad my coworker could tell the difference. Rich saw it yesterday. It sucks. I hate this. 6. Old bad habits - grazing. I grazed yesterday more than I had since surgery. Felt like I ate all day long. I didn't really but it did feel that way. I don't like that feeling. I don't like it at all. Definitely feel less in control. Kathy

I've fallen into the evening eating routine again. I used to eat almost constantly from dinner until bedtime and while it's not that bad again, I do a good deal of eating between dinner and bedtime. More than say 5 months ago. What's eating me??? 1 - STRESS!! You should see my schedule!! In my little palm pilot every single day has something in it - it's insane. 2 - PAIN!! I'm almost in constant pain (like you, Kathy). Mine is in my upper back, shoulders, neck, and chest from my breasts being too heavy. I also have lower back pain from my genes (not jeans - ). Hereditary back pain - probably have deteriorated disks, but I'm just not in the mood to have it checked out yet. Actually, it's not bad enough to have it checked out - will be soon, though. 3 - ANXIETY!! Probably related to #1. 4 - BOREDOM!! I eat out of boredom a lot and when I have the time to get bored, I don't know. But if I sit and don't have something going on, I get bored and want to eat - and then I think of the million and one things that I have to do and I get back to #1. I guess those are the big ones. Looks like #1 is the biggest of the big, eh? Michelle

Michelle, Boy can I relate to the evening eating... I am typically on plan all day especially during the week.... but come dinner till bed I just want to eat eat eat.... old bad habit. I need to break this one!!! I want to... but I just don't do it! I also eat when I am bored... well at least I think it's boredom!!! Marla

Kathy, I am so sorry you are in all this pain! Hoping things get better for you soon! Your the best! Hugs Marla

This is a great post, Kathy. I'm finding myself falling into some really 'bad' grazing days. Some stuff is bugging me: 1. My elderly dad. I don't want to go into details here, except to say that I'm at the age where I'm having to deal with a VERY difficult 84-year-old father. It's stressing me enormously. 2. My job. I love my job. However, there are some 'new' responsibilities that have come along with working at a giant multinational company. Most of these are NOT technical, they are paperwork, administrative CRAP. I've been put in a couple of positions where I've had to run interference between two fueding managers. When I got into technical work I realized it was perfect for me -- I usually don't have to deal with people issues. I'm a major loner and much prefer to do things independently or alone -- computers/databases are logical, sensible, etc. I've been on some teleconferences lately where I've ended up in tears because of the feuding managers. My manager chewed me out publicly on one -- something I think is the ULTIMATE mistake from a manager. 3. My job. My company's contract with our client expires in August. I'm certain the contract will be renewed, but I'm VERY VERY worried that my job will then be targeted for 'global resourcing' (a nice way of putting "we're sending your job to Bangalore, you're too expensive"). I already overeducated, I don't know what I'll do next ... Oh crap. Eileen

Kathy, I am sorry for your pain issues, one thing I can say is thank heavens that I am having no psychical pain, but my mental is going through a whole new level. I wouldnt say that I am out fo control, because I am concious of everthing that I put in my mouth, but no loss and even a few gains for the past 3 months, I fluctuate and its messin me up. Can't really say that I do all that im supposed to do, but it bites to see some people flying past me with the weight loss. it really does. I'm doing horrible with school this semester, my 3.75 GPA is going to take a serious downfall, and like an idiot, I didnt withdraw when I had the chance because i didnt want to feel like a quitter. anxiety-was a big issue for the past month with everthing goin on with TY, things are looking up, but still...you guys know how it is.

Thank you for this post Kathy... I am sorry that you are having problems and hope that they will be resolved quickly and painlessly. 1. Old eating patterns emerging...and it is scaring the crap out of me! I am trying to become more aware and put down the fork and back away slowly. 2. Beating myself up about grazing and eating the stuff I am not supposed to. Thank goodness all of the candy laden holidays are over with and I can get the kids goodies in the trash while they aren't looking. 3. The last bit of weight I want to lose is just not coming off, and judging by #1 and #2, it is my own fault. Although it sucks, I am comforted by knowing that I am not the only one fighting these demons! I resolve to do better! I have done better TODAY...now I just wait for tonight and try to do better then! Hugs to us all, we sure need a little reassurance Cheri May 24, 2005 Lap RNY

I am struggling unbelievably right now. I posted a week or so ago about my eating behaviors and how theyve returned with an avengence. I am like Marla, my worst time of the day is from about 500 till bedtime and I just want to eat eat eat. 1. Bills and Money- I quit my job of 5yrs to stay home with my 2yr old son and man I didnt realize how much my job helped out. Im beginning to wonder did I make a huge mistake. I am very happy at home and was having a hard time with babysitting arrangements while working. The money is very slack now but the bills keep coming. Ive tried to budget but its unreal sometime how much money we need just to get by. I may have to resort back to work. The biggest thing is food, it costs to eat the special way we have to eat(the protein supp, whole wheat items, sf this, sf that etc) 2.Boredom- I thought man by being at home Ill have plenty of time to exercise, I dont have to worry about bringing something to eat to work, I can cook good meals for my husband. Theres also a lot of time to spare, and I find myself wanting to eat big time. 3.Being so close to goal and just cant get there! I have been going back and forth between 153.5 and 156 for about two months now. I get so close and then I screw it up, its all me! If I could control myself I might make it. 4. My legs- I have always hated my legs. Pre op my biggest reason for wanting the surgery was that I might actually be happy with my legs for a change, well guess what I still hate em. I kept saying the whole time maybe in ten more pounds Ill be happy with them. Well my ten pounds has ran out and Im not going to like them in 3.5 either. Pre op when Id wear shorts(which was not often at all) I was constantly looking at people to see if they were looking at my legs and they were. Ive always had big legs,not just above the knee but below as well. I have these nasty dimples oh its disgusting. I am perfect size 8 in the waist and about a 12 in the legs which then they fall off me. I remember being this weight many years ago and I never had big legs until I began gaining weight and now I cant get them to go down. I do nothing but leg involving cardio exercises almost everyday and nada. They are considerably smaller than 110 pounds ago but they are still yucky. I dont think Im ever going to be happy there. Cant afford ps so I guess I will just come to reason with myself that these legs are going to be this way. 5.Back pain- I had this almost daily pre op and then when I began losing it got better but never went away completely. Well 110 pounds later its still here. Its always on my right side just under the shoulder blade. Its like a burning sensation and Tylenol does absolutely nothing for it. I have some left over liquid lortab from right after surgery that I take when its gotten to the point I cant take it anymore but the pain med tends to constipate me. I notice that when Im wore thin from the pain guess what helps take my mind off of it- food. I think thats about it for now lol. Candy