Waiting...

...waiting to hear from my sister about her first chemotherapy treatment ...waiting to hear from the gastroenterologist's office to decide whether he will schedule a colonoscopy without seeing me again or if I have to see him ...waiting for the colonoscopy to be done so that I can get my exploratory lap surgery to figure out where my pain is coming from ...waiting to see if my ulcer medication (carafate tablets which replaced the carafate solution which was causing me to dump) is going to give me intestinal cramps like you wouldn't believe ...waiting to see if my body is going to get rid of the extra weight it has grabbed onto and is very, very slowly shedding ...waiting to see if my body will ever get back to 167 or was that just a fleeting tease of a weight just like it was back in 1983

Kathy, Waiting is one of Life's hardest things. It is alot like the frustration of being in what I call the "Don't Know" place, where answers aren't coming forth and it is hard to... NOT be in a place where we have a 'handle' on issues. It a place of accepting powerlessness. ( who wants to sign up for that??? ) Sounds like you are in one of those tough places where it seems all we can do is WAIT, ugh. I feel yer pain. I'm in some of those difficult places myself. I'll be praying for you for a gift of peace: waiting for info on yer sis, your colonoscopy schedule and exploratory plan and also ulcer med issues and the anxiety about those creeping lbs. that your body has grabbed onto. Just for a little comfort, I'll relay a story a lady at OA shared w/me a few wks ago , after a mtg. She was around 70 + yrs. old, She told me a story about her friend who was working on her wgt. loss and monthly seeing her pcp for weigh-ins. For several months she had no losses and she was very anxious and upset about it. He wisely sat her down and asked what were the stressors in her life in these past several months. She thought and said, "well, my husband passed away last yr and I am still grieving, we had to put my Mom in a home due to her Alsheimers, and I am wracked with guilt and self doubt about the decision although I KNOW it was the only optioin for me at present" The physician gently patted her arm and said that the body has a stress reaction similar to the starvation mode (when it fears we will starve so it doesn't allow us to burn fat or lose weight very easily). The high stress can actually cause the wgt to freeze. He reassured her that it would come off. As she began to review her past yr and meditate on it she realized he was onto something! She didn't know it but I was having huge stress issues going on and it helped me sort out things thru the light of her 'reality check". Which was a gift to me. Kathy, you have been thru a huge pile of personal health issues, ( one right after the other one, actually) major surgery several times in the past yr. and the shock and news of your sisters cancer diagnosis, surgery and chemo process beginning. Plus if I remember correctly it wasn't so long ago you lost your Mom, as well. * I just want to send you a hug and say you are special to me and all of us Maysters and we care about you and your many struggles and difficult waiting pattern. You are gonna make it thru and those little creeper pounds will again make their way off your new and improved slim figure!!! May the Lord bless ya {real GOOD!} Mary

Mary, Your post is one of the best, most sweet and sincere and meaningful ones that I've ever received. I am very touched by your words and even brought to tears. I thank you! Yes, the past two+ years have definitely been stressful. Left a bad marriage, met the man of my dreams when I least expected it, got divorced, got engaged, Rich had WLS, my mother fell ill and passed away, I got married earlier than planned to get WLS, my BIL's niece got married in my mother's dress (my mother never got to see her in it), had terrible back issues, BIL's mother died of cancer, had back surgery, had WLS, my father was diagnosed with prostate cancer, had side pain, had gallbladder surgery, side pain still there, side pain faded, my father sold his house and moved, my sister's diagnosis of breast cancer, my parathyroid and thyroid sugery, the return of my side pain and the waiting game on many things. Whew, that was a mouthful (fingerful). Thanks for helping me to keep it real and in perspective. Many hugs to you, Kathy