(OT) Family Problems...I need advice LONG

I am mom to a beautiful, wonderful 6 yr old little man. His name is Tyon, and he saved my life. It's because of him, that I left my deadbeat husband. Anyway Ty has had som issues in his life, speech delay, anxiety, severe ADHD, and some anger issues. Kindgergarten has been a challenge, but things have gotten better in the classroom. Its the largely unstructured aftercare program thats been an issue. Back in October Tyon was involved in a psyhical altercation with a little girl. It was serious enough to leave marks on her which prompted her mom to call the POLICE. ( An extreme) He was suspended from the program, and put on notice that if there was another incident he would be terminated. Everythings been all good, the mother and I made nice, Ty stays away from the kid, yada yada. As a result of this incident, the other parent and I demanded increased supervision, so the aftercare program hired a couple of teenagers. And supposedly they were to keep the 2 kids apart. Like I said everything was all good. 2 weeks ago, I get a call that Ty has had a bad fall 3 feet off of a cafeteria table, and a trip to the ER was required. After a cat scan, some bumps and bruises he's ok. But the director has the nerve to call me and say that because Tyon didn't get off of the table when they told him to, thats why he fell, aned due to this, he is a danger to himself, therefore a liability to the program. And that this was becoming an increasing problem, yet it was the first time I had heard of it (since the severe incident) So they tried to terminate him then I fought and he got another chance. Yesterday, the same little girl mentioned above told Ty that he couldnt join her club, Ty got angry, began chasing her, she tripped, he fell over her. My issue with this is that they were supposed to be seperated. I get a call saying that He's being discharged from the program, that this incident was the last straw. Um, I know they can do this, but can they do this? I mean I don't even want him there anymore, and maybe its for the better, but can they do this???? The crazy part is, my kid gives me NOOOO problems at home. Other than the normal tests of a 6 yr old. He's damn near an angel, even with all of his issues. Thanks for letting me vent.

Aliya, I am not a mother so can't give any advice. But, I do want to say I feel for you and your son and I hope you can come up with a good solution. Lori

Aliya, I too don't know at all what to recommend to you, but I certainly feel your pain. Ty sounds like a wonderful little man and I know you want what's best for him. Please know that I will keep both of you in my prayers and I pray that you will have the wisdom to know how to handle the situation. It's so difficult when it involves your children. My daughter (she's actually my step-granddaughter, but we've had permanent custody since she was 3 months) has challenges with attention issues. I understand how badly you want to help him and do the right thing. Please know I'm here and rooting for you. If you need someone to talk to or just to listen, let me know. Big hugs, Wanda

Aliya, I too don't know at all what to recommend to you, but I certainly feel your pain. Ty sounds like a wonderful little man and I know you want what's best for him. Please know that I will keep both of you in my prayers and I pray that you will have the wisdom to know how to handle the situation. It's so difficult when it involves your children. My daughter (she's actually my step-granddaughter, but we've had permanent custody since she was 3 months) has challenges with attention issues. I understand how badly you want to help him and do the right thing. Please know I'm here and rooting for you. If you need someone to talk to or just to listen, let me know. Big hugs, Wanda

Aliya, It's not fair, pure and simple. But given the situations that you describe, Tyon needs a place where he can have a fresh start. As long as he stays in this aftercare program, he has been labeled and things won't get better. I have boy identical twins that have Tourette's Syndrome and we had lots of similar types of problems when they were younger. So, don't look for justice, just get him into a place where he can make a fresh start and thrive. Andrea

Wish I had some great advice for ya, Aliya! No parenting skills here to pull from. I hope that you get it all worked out and that Ty in an environment where he doesn't have these issues and can just play and be happy. Best wishes, Kathy

Sorry, sweety, no real advice. Sounds to me like Ty needs a different program. Obviously, for some reason, he's acting out there, so it's because of lack of attention or supervison or something... I went through a period with my son in first grade where it was awful. He kept getting ISS (In School Suspension) for acting out in class. Not being mean or violent, just being a clown! ISS! At 6! I was absolutely miserable, felt like a failure... I wound up taking away ALL of his belongings. His room was completely bare except for clothes and books. He would "earn" toys back one by one for each "good" day he had. Turns out, the biggest issue was the combination of kids in his class. One little boy, his friend from preschool, was actually expelled because he was so disruptive... My point is, my kid, like yours, is an awesome kid. Sometimes, the stars just align a certain way and you have to make some adjustments to the setting until you find something that works for him. Maybe a program with fewer kids and more one-on-one time. What about a Big Brother program, where he can get a little extra Ty-time? Whether or not they can do it? Probably. It sounds like you should pull him anyway, though - it just doesn't seem *right* for him.

I'm also not a mom, so I don't know what to say other than that you and Tyon are in my prayers. God bless! Hugs, Tracy

Aliya~ *hugs* I can help you some. I'm a mom to an eight year old boy (also wonderful, and also with his fair share of troubles...including being expelled from a preschool for behavioral issues). In addition, I used to be a director at a daycare, and I have some knowledge and experience in that area. E-mail me off list if you're still troubled about this, and I'll at least give you what feedback I can. Jules

Thank you guys for all of your support! I agree, this was not the program for Ty. Right now he will be staying with my neighbor, a wonderful lady who has an 8 yr old. She gets them off of the bus, snack, yada yada. Only thing is, her english is limited, but maybe my kid will learn spani****hanks so much everyone! Aliya