Tough month or so

Wow - there's been a lot going on with me. I mean, my vacation was great and all, but I'm happy to be home, but with my hubby's grandmother dying a few days after we got back, then a few days after that, my mom's aunt died, then about a week later, I found out a little cousin of mine who has Downs is in the hospital with RSV, and an uncle has colon cancer that has spread at least to his liver if not further. That, plus I've got two mid-terms this week, a huge paper due in about a month that I've not even begun to look at (it's okay, though, cuz it's on a very interesting topic for me, I'm not dreading it like other papers), I'm considering changing my major, we've got new neighbors that are just as loud as our other neighbors (we live in military housing that is townhouse style housing) so we're considering moving out of our military quarters into the private sector, I start teaching my creative writing class today to five 5th-7th graders, AND I've only lost about 2 pounds this month. I'm now at 216 - seems like I'll never get below 200, but I do think I'm less than hubby at this point. He's not weighed himself in the last month or so. Anyway, I say all of this to say this to you all...be careful. I've found myself really looking at other addictive possibilities. I take narcotics for my menstrual cramps and migraines. I find myself sometimes thinking, "Hmm..is that a little headache? I should take a pill." I don't unless it is incapacitating for me, but the thoughts are there. I find myself thinking more than I should about a bottle of wine that I have in my refrigerator. I'm wanting to go shop more just to spend the $$. I find myself wanting to go buy a pack of cigarettes (I've not smoked in probably 5 years - and even then it was 1-2 cigs/day). These kinds of things. It's very scary to me as I have an incredibly addictive personality which runs very, very deep in my family. It is so easy for us, who have already had an addiction (FOOD), to pick up another addiction since we can't really indulge in our primary one. I've seen it happen many times over in the WLS community or other addictive communities. I have many friends who are in AA that are now over 300+ pounds since they gave up the alcohol. I also have friends who are addictive gamblers since they gave up their narcotics or chain smokers who used to gamble. It's a scary thing. We really need to watch ourselves and yes, (I know you're all asking) I am going to talk to someone about possibly getting some counseling to keep myself in check. Take care~ Michelle

Michelle, Thank you for your post! As some of you know I have struggled with wine post-op, and have actually given it up for about 1 month now. I had 1 mixed drink over the weekend, and thats really all i can tolerate. We do have to be careful, I too have an addictive personality, and its so very easy to put 1 thing down, only to pick another up.

Michelle, This is so true. I started smoking again almost immediately after surgery. I too am tempted quite often by the Vicodin in the medicine cabinet, and all too often, on my Friday, I indulge myself in a little chocolate or other sweet dessert even tho it makes me sick sometimes. I thank god that I've never cared for the taste or effect of alchohol, I'd probably be in BIG trouble.

Thanks so much for sharing, Michelle. I think most of us have addictive personalities, or we wouldn't be here to begin with, so you're definitely not alone! When I do drink, I drink to get drunk, never in moderation. I don't even know what that means in regard to drinking. I've always been that way. Luckily, I don't drink very often...maybe every few months if I go to happy hour with my co-workers. Food is still my drug of choice, and I struggle daily with not eating the "bad stuff." I hopped on the scale today, and I've lost weight again, but I can tell you that it's purely malabsorption that's brought me down further in weight, because I haven't been great about working my tool lately. I do well sporatically, but I struggle more often than not. *sigh* When will they be able to operate on our emotions? Thanks again for sharing...I'm sending you a long distance hug and some encouragement. Julie 391/213/170

Michelle, Finally getting a chance to reply. Sounds like you are watching yourself for triggers of addictive behavior. That is so smart! Of course, I'm a big believer in counseling too so I hope you are able to find someone excellent who can work with you to keep those triggers at bey. I definitely know of post-ops that have ended up having anorexia/bulimia, alcohol addiction, shopping addictions, etc. WLS alters our body, not our brain and we certainly don't get new coping skills as part of the surgery. Wish we did. I'm very sorry to hear of the all the stresses in your life lately. {{{{BIG HUGS}}}} to you. Thanks for posting and updating us. Know that we are all here for you. Hugs again, Kathy