"Making up a story about someone"

Hey gang, I'm cross posting this from the main board because I wanted to share it with you as well, but am too lazy to retype it... http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/postdetail/1800691.html?vc=0

Becky, About a year ago I learned this concept of "telling your story" whether it is about you or someone else. Did your boss read or take the course "Crucial Conversations"? Keeping this in mind has made many of my relationships much easier. Especially at work. I can say, however, that I do feel I'm treated better now that I've lost 134 lbs. It is a shame, but, I guess that is how society is. Lori 384/250.5/168

I'm not sure where it came from, specifically. We have something called "Advanced Coaches Training" and it's from that, created for our company by Deloitte-Touche or Senn-Delaney, I think, but it could have come from that book. For the most part, I've always been respected at work. I'm a "people person" by nature, very outgoing, and pretty good at what I do. I'm in HR so I touch just about everyone at some point. But, there is that, maybe 10% of our higher-ups (we call them Leadership) that were always just... snotty. Kind of like the "rich kids" in elementary school. They were never outright rude to me, I just always got a vibe from them. These days, they are much more friendly with me, and much more likely to seek me out for help when before they would have come to me only begrugdingly after directed to me... Like I said in my post, I don't want to put that on them, but I wonder if it's really just about my outward appearance or if something else in me has changed... Dunno, just thought it was kind of interesting, I guess, dontcha think?

I have thought the same thing. I notice guys go out of their way to hold doors open for me. And the married guys at work keep telling me how great I look. But then again, there were guys that would hold doors open for me before and when my mini van overheated I did have a guy stop to help me. I think maybe its that we accept it more willingly now? I dont know but it sure does feel great!

Hi Becky Sue, Before wls I felt very defeated because of my failure at weight loss and honestly was down on myself. I was chronically ill with many systems physically in chaos and also chronic pain from nearly all joints and fibro. Which at times made me feel like I was a burden to my family. I also have always been a 'people person' and really love people. I look them in the eye and look for the beauty in each person ( and usually find it , too ) A lot of people really loved me anyway at 300 lbs. But often doctors and medical folks did treat me like I was a person of lesser value. Sometimes when I talked it was clear I was NOT being heard because they were NOT CHOOSING to LISTEN. It did hurt and make me feel sad and sometimes angry. I tried to not dwell on it. But was not unaware that prejudice towards obese people is a reality and exists. I sometimes did wrestle with their poor treatment and had to conclude that THEIR opionions of me ...did NOT define { who I was }. But it isn't uncommon that if enough people treat you disrespectfully ...after a while it does imply that you are not worthy of respect. If you are feeling defeated in that arena and others it is a hard hurdle to jump over to not let it soak in and make you feel like you are the " BAD ". Or defective and unworthy. Since the weight has been dropping I do feel better physically and emotionally. Many of my illnesses have resolved thankfully. I feel proud of my successes and not as plagued by the feelings of failure about my weight. ( However I do lose more slowly than most others and that does haunt me a bit.) Because I don't feel so defeated and look and feel so much better it does make me feel more equal to others and maybe that invites better more respectful responses from others. To me it seems to be a combination of both. Having facilitated family support groups for 12 yrs.,I have observed people who struggle with many obstacles physically, mentally and emotionally. With understanding and adequate support many who felt very downcast and " less-than" begin to feel accepted and acceptable. This has a very transforming effect in their lives. They begin to see themselves as not "less than" , or " better than " others but rather more " equal to " others. So for us Mayers here at OH we have been a support system of love and encouragement and acceptance and honor for each other and honestly, I think it has benefitted us all hugely. As we have travelled together along the path to freedom from the confines of our 'pit' of obesity, we have softened the way for each other and invited each other into a fuller freedom in our lives. Wiping away each others tears and soothing fears and just { BEING } present to each other. So the transforming power of love and kindness has been a tool to help us believe we are treasured and of wonderful worth. And it is so true that we really are ! So I thank each and every one of you dear Mayers for your support and encouragement along the way because we have been used, I think, by God to help each other step forth and begin to truly shine! Take a bow one and all Love, Mary

Becky I know for a fact that I carry myself in a much more confident and assertive way. I was walking into Walmart the other day and this old man with his wife said to me "Now there is a girl ready to do some shopping" I just smiled and laughed but I thought about his comment as I continued to walk from the furthest spot in the parking lot. Do I really look that "happy" and the answer was yes! I wake up every morning ready to tackle a new day. About 3 years ago I went to AA, I thought I had a drinking problem but now I realize I had an eating problem that made me so miserable I didn't even want to go out. Today I cant wait to head out and go to the gym and complete my errands before coming home and getting everything done here. How can other people not notice it too?? As far as the guys who offered to help you lets just think they were just nice guys. At 250 I slid into a ditch in the snow and a couple of guys in a pick up truck pulled me out, there are nice helpful men in the world! Enjoy your new confidence and sunny ways!! Jen