Yes, I'm still alive

Hey folks. I know its been a while. I've been very busy lately (just switched jobs). I'm not doing so well with this. My meals are okay, but I'm snacking quite a bit, and I'm also eating some sugar each day in the form of M&M's or chocolate chips. I'm back to exercising, though. There's some good and bad. My weight loss stopped about a month ago. If I don't lose another pound, I'm okay with that. But I also know that if I would kill the compulsive eating, and keep on exercising, I'd probably continue to lose more. I'm not sure why I'm posting all this, but I figure its always best to be honest. So there it is.

Good for you being honest, Tom. Read my post entitled "Interesting" and you'll see that you're not alone in the cravings department and the need for honesty. You've been eating this way for how many years? It is important to realize (and I know we've all heard it hundreds of times) that the doc fixed our tummies not our brains. Keep posting, get an accountability partner, get into counseling, start journaling, whatever it takes. Now, here's the BIG issue, though. Really, down in the core of your being, do you really want to stop? I know sometimes I will eat something and report it saying, "I know I shouldn't be eating this..." and on and on but in reality, really thinking about it, I don't want to stop eating 'x' whatever it is. Do you REALLY want to not eat the chocolate? Or do you just want the "it's okay, get back on the wagon tomorrow, we're here for you" pacifying that you will get here? Please know I'm not saying it to sound mean or rude, but honestly exercizing some of my own demons when saying that. You don't have to answer here, but think about it and that's the starting point of changing the behavior. Michelle

Hi Tom, Welcome back, I know exactly what you are going through, I myself went through the same thing a couple of months ago. The only thing that I can say is that you can't look back, just start anew like you are doing and please just take one day at a time. I'm here for you. And its always best to be honest with ones self if no one else. Andrea

Now you come out from under that chair, ya hear? No need to hide. Believe me, you'll get no belittling or flaming from us. Each of us struggles with this. The surgery was a tool to get the weight off. Keeping it off requires continually working with the tool and not giving into old food issues and behaviors. I'm not sure if I dump on sugar or not, haven't gone there but suspect given my reaction to some other foods that I might so I avoid sugar. But, even long before WLS...I learned that sugar is 110% addictive to me. If I don't eat sugar, I don't crave it. To me, it is totally physiological and not an emotional response. If I eat sugar, then I get a craving for something sweet later that day or most definitely the next day and so the ball rolls on. Anyway, so - to me...I need to stay away from the stuff period. I cannot just have a little. I have to treat it as if it were alcohol and I'm an alcoholic. There is no moderation. It is most definitely an "all or nothing" scenario. Don't know how that would work for you. Carbs are also addictive to me but only if I have a bunch of the white flour stuff and I think again it has to do with the sugars in them. I can eat a couple of crackers and be fine. I just know "my limit" on that type of stuff. I find that the sugar and the carb addictions operate separately for the most part. Sugar means sugar cravings and a bunch of carbs means cravings for those types of carbs. The good thing is that I don't find sugar free things to cause cravings. So, I can get a treat of something that tastes sweet now and then without having it trigger a major sugar fest. One SF peanut butter cookie with SF choco chips works for me for a day or even more than a day. We've had a tupperware container of them last two weeks (12 cookies) and there are two of us that will eat them. I too am happy with my weight loss but definitely concerned about bad eating behaviors, cravings and yes weight gain all returning. Best wishes, Kathy

Tom, Great to hear from you! I was just thinking recently, "I wonder what happened to Tom?" Tom, I feel the urge to snack on a daily basis. (Especially on chocolate.) If it is around me, I do it. I make myself type it into fitday. That seems to give me some accountability. I can't not count it. I do think this is going to be a life-long struggle for most of us. We need to hang together and keep getting support I guess. No flaming here though...I understand all too well. Lori 384/255/168

Hi Tom! So nice to see you again! I can relate to you in many ways. I haven't had anything that's real sugar like M&Ms, but last night I went way overboard with sugar free chocolate cookies. I just kept eating them, knew I should stop, and kept at it. It's like an addicition. I ate many more than I should have and then felt bad physically and even a bigger issue, I felt like a failure for doing it. I haven't done that very many times, but I did it last night. My husband is out of town, and in the "old days" when I was alone is when I would binge. I think it was just the same old behavior rearing it's ugly head. Hang in there! Recogizing the problem is a big part of fixing it! Reading your post helped me recognize what I did just last night. Thanks for helping all of us remain accountable! ~Wanda

Hi Tom, Glad your back and this is definitely why you need to come back. We are here to support, encourage and once in a while, a slap upside the head. I agree with Kathy, we have to completely do away with our trigger foods (mine are chips). So...if you have any M&Ms or cookies there, get the bag out, go stomp on them and THROW IT AWAY! You've come so far, don't let this be your downfall. You can do it. Start by going back to the basics and detox your system of sugar and carbs. If you feel like you need a snack, choose cheese, or jerky, you know what you were allowed to have. Re-visit your postop instructions and go back to that. Go back to having your meals and snacks at regular times again and no snacking inbetween. You are probably snacking due to the stress you're under with the new job. Recognize that it is just head hunger. Feel like you need a snack...go get a glass of water. Tonight, when you get home, start your exercise again...even if it's just a 15 minute walk, build back up to it. Like they say at my support group...it takes 21 days to make a habit and 3 days to break one. Force yourself to do something every day and soon it will be alot easier. You can do it Tom! I know you can! Linda

Michelle, you asked some very good questions. I'm not upset by them at all....I appreciate them. I have been thinking about going cold turkey - no sugar - for a little while now. But I just can't bring myself to do it. What was surprising and interesting is that today, after I posted this initial message, I passed by a convenience store where I've recently run in and grabbed those chocolate things, and was able to drive right by it. The telling to you folks about what I'm doing gave me strength. That surprised me. So, I think I'll hang around here again a bit more, and I'm also planning to start attending the support group meetings at the hospital (but they're only once a month, so...). Thanks everybody for the encouragement and suggestions.

Get out from under the chair!!! I understand the busy thing and the snacking thing too. I teach Kindergarten and everyday one child brings enough snacks for the children...it comes in the form of a basket filled with demons (little debbie snacks, chips, fruit rollups, popsicles...and sometimes they'll throw in pretzels and applesause or yogurt to even things out). It's hard. Sometimes I open one of those demon bags take a bit and just throw it away...other days I eat it all and do a few extra crunches that night!!! Thanks for being honest. I appreciate that. I'm fearing the VALENTINE'S DAY gifts which will most likely be 20 types of chocolate!!!! I don't dump at all on the stuff!!!! Thanks for posting. Keep up the exercise. Ana