Am I Being Selfish? (long)

When my mom was alive, holidays and birthdays were such a big deal. She would always pick out the best gifts, have them beautifully wrapped and you could tell she really had you in mind when she got you something. My mom had a lot of issues - was a very heavy drinker - and she died when I was 18 meaning I never had a chance to get past the "I'm a teenager therefore I hate you" mode and I regret that. It's been 12 years and I miss her horribly. One of the things we all remember though is how important holidays and birthdays were for her. Since then, birthdays and holidays have never been the same. My dad doesn't get around well so he doesn't shop so we get money. My sister's family and mine have become so busy that we typically celebrate birthdays "whenever" meaning it could be 2 weeks later. Never on someone's actual birthday. I felt so bad for my neice - we kept putting it off and putting it off that we actually forgot about it! Poor thing - 10 years old and we forgot her birthday! Anyway, Christmas just seems so different now. With Aaron's family, his brother and wife and me and Aaron decided not to exchange gifts - just concentrate on the kids and Aaron's mom and dad. We got money from grandma and a Wal-mart gift card from his folks. Christmas morning, I got a little bear figurine from Holden he bought at Santa Shop (unwrapped), a picture frame with a pic of Livvie that the babysitter made and a sapphire ring, earring and necklace set from Aaron (unwrapped). He went out Christmas Eve with a buddy for a beer and picked it up on his way. I think he got it from a pawn shop (the box is kind of grungy and he never uses the jewelry store the box came from). Don't get me wrong, it's beautiful and I don't care if it came from a pawn shop, but it just seemed like such an afterthought. Kind of like "Oh crap, I've gotta get something, on the way to the bar, swing through here and see what I can find." It bugged me that it wasn't wrapped, too. I know Christmas isn't about the gifts, but I try and really think about what I get people and try to wrap things nicely - you know, it's the thought that counts. I guess I just don't feel too much like I was thought of. The nicest gift I got was from the babysitter - a beautiful little frame with a ribbon to hang it on and it was wrapped (by the 10 year old helper at the sitters) very nicely... Sigh.. I'm rambling, I know, and being a baby. I just had to get it all out in black and white so I could let it go and couldn't think of anyone else to pour it out to but my May Buddies - so you guys win... Or lose...

I know how you feel. When my mom was alive, we'd all get together at her house for the both Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners. I always loved the get togethers, even with the burnt rolls lol. My husband and my sisters husbands aren't the best of friends so we all go our separate ways now at Christmas. I've tried to make sure that every year I take our kids and grandkids out to dinner right before Christmas, and sometimes I try to host the Thanksgiving meal for everyone. I guess it makes me sad that no one reciprocates, I'm sad especially for my husband. The kids are from his previous marriage and they are really wonderful kids but they've never invited us to any of their holiday meals. I don't know why and feel funny about asking. So it was just my husband and myself for Christmas this year, I didn't even put up a tree and all the trimmings. He's had a crummy year with back, knee and mouth surgeries and now he's really sick with a cold or something. You'd think I'd be ecstatic since I've lost 80 lbs this year and healthwise, feel better than ever. But, I guess for the above reasons, I'm a little depressed. Oh well, I'm looking forward to a better year and in 2 1/2 weeks we're going to Hawaii, something to be happy for! (It's cold and rainy and muddy here to top things off...yech!) Our kids decided that they didn't want to exchange gifts either, just for the little kids. So, that was another thing that makes it a little sadder. It seems that Christmas is becoming a non-event . I will treat the kids to something really nice during the year in place of their birthday/Christmas gifts instead. I understand about the wrapping. It just makes Christmas a little more special if the gifts are wrapped! That is the one thing I have to be thankful for, as many faults as my husband has, he does love me and goes out of his way to show it. He got me a Black Hills gold necklace and earring set (for my just recently pierced ears!). I kind of feel sorry for him because he's the one that gets the brunt of my frustration when I don't lose weight or gain lol. (now looks who's rambling!) Well you have a good day now that you got it off your chest. I came in to work today so I could get a bunch of stuff done while it's nice and quiet.

I'm at work as well, and accomplishing a hell of a lot! Becky, you are not being selfish. You just miss the way it used to be. I totally understand what you are going through, although it may be on a different level. My family is very difficult, and although XMAS was always a happy event in our home, but it was always so STRESSFUL and materialistic, I mean we were never religious, but I vowed that my son would know the reason for the season, not just whats under the tree. Well I was totally bombarded on Black Friday with my mom saying...(I want this...) and my grandmother saying after I already had a new DELL PC delivered to their home "well you dont have to wrap my presents) AS IF THERE WERE GOING TO BE MORE. And the icing on the cake was my dear mother inspecting Tyon's presents and saying " I know you are going to get him more stuff than that". I was actually very depressed this past 2 weeks leading to Christmas, I mean I was able to reflect on the day and Santa was good to me and my son, but it just wasnt the same. Looks like I was the rambler.... Becky thanks for the post...nice to know we're not alone with our feelings. I hope you have a better day today.