Can I be Honest?

Hello My Fellow Mayers, I just wanted to be honest with someone for once. I am so proud of everyone's progress since their surgery and yes jealous as well. I feel really blessed to have had this surgery and to have come through it with no physical complications. I wish that I had been better prepared for the financial side of it as well the mental challenges. All of my years of research and lurking on the boards did not prepare me for what I was going to go through. I am not sure where to start and I don't even know why I am writing this. I have not worked my tool to its fullest potential, I thought that it would be a walk in the park. I was wrong on all accounts. You see when you are in a financial hardship it is not the smartest thing to make such a drastic change in your life. I have had problems with buying my supplements and purchasing the food that is needed. My diabetes did not go away as I was told that they would and I still take my blood pressure medication on a daily basis. Don't get me wrong I have lost some weight by my calculations I have lost 62 pounds in 6 months. I know I could have done better and should have done better but I seem to sabotage anything that is good for me. Everyone around me says you look great the weight is really coming off, but they don't see the frustration and stress that I endure on a daily basis. Sometimes I think that I am just to lazy to put forth that extra effort to eat right. I struggle on a daily basis as to what to put in my mouth. Maybe if I was not so angry and hurt by my surgeon and nutritionist I could go to them for help (who cares). So they hurt me so what did I do cause myself greater hurt by not even trying to take care of myself. I don't even know if this is making any sense to anyone reading it but I felt like I needed to get this off my chest to wipe the slate clean and start all over again. So today I have decided to take this gift that I was blessed with and use for the purpose that it was intended. I vow to get healthy and stop having such a lax-a-daisy attitude about my exercise and eating habits. I know God has a plan for me, why else would he allow me to come through the surgery with no problems at all. All I am asking from my fellow Mayers, that you lift me up in prayer. Thank you for letting me vent, I do feel better and I pray I will stay focused. Sincerely, Andrea

Dearest Andrea, First, you can always be honest with us. I've heard it said that "money is the root of all evil", but I'm sure that was said by someone who had some. Please tell me that there is someone in your life who can hold your hand thru these hard times. We (Mayers) will always be here for you, but it helps to have a physical presence. I am currently helping a friend who lost her husband, job, home and self respect all in the span of a couple of months. It got to the point that she wouldn't even leave her hovel of an apartment. She's got a long climb ahead of her, but like you, she's realizing that she's a strong person of mind and spirit. The tool is yours to do with what you will. The rest is just a mental game in which we are players. I am living my life as normally as I can. I don't think that we can assume that the WLS will be a cure all. This note to us is a step in the right direction. You know you can do it. I know you can do it. Anytime you want to vent, question, or interact, please do not hesitate. We are here to support each other any way we can. Hugs and Prayers to you.... Kate Z

Andrea, Of course you can be honest. You are not alone in this. Money problems can make everything seem like it is upside down. I struggle with compulsive spending daily. As for the eating. I sometimes wish I didn't have to think about what to put in my mouth or even eat at all. This weekend is a prime example. Here I am trying on a size 14 for the first time in 25 years and feeling so damn good about it. Then what do I do? I go home and eat eight Christmas cookies and skip dinner. What is wrong with me? You can be angry and hurt (I eat when I'm mad at my husband, like that will show him!), but you are ultimately responsible for your decisions. Thanks for venting here. Laying it all out helps you recognize what you need to do. Hang in there. You have come so far to let it all slip away. Take care, J

Andrea, Please always rely on us to vent and share your thoughts, challenges and successes. I know that's what we're all here for. I will definitely keep you in my prayers and know that you will come thru this stronger and better. Hang in there and keep us posted! ~Wanda

Girl, Honesty is the best policy! Thanks for keeping it real...you are definitely in my prayers. I am just wondering what happened with your nut and surgeon, were they the ones who weren't being so supportive and almost badgering you?

Andrea, of course you can be honest. I am so glad that you chose to be honest here with us, we do know, we understand, and we're here for you. I agree with Kate, sometimes it helps to have a real physical shoulder to cry on or hand to hold - do you have someone there, a support group or something, that you could find one person who can relate to this? I get upset with myself sometimes, too when I'm not eating what I know that I am supposed to (if the chocolate and/or cookies are sugar free, that means you can eat a bunch of 'em right?) and as far as supplements go, Centrum is a great vitamin and chewable, at least it's something, and it's not too terribly expensive! You could also get a Rx from your doctor for injectible B-12 so that you only have to pay for it once/month (if you have a co-pay for prescriptions) and don't have to buy the supplement of that. Or, you could get a Rx for multi-vitamins from your doc, too (I get the prenatals and just crush them up and take them with my oatmeal in the a.m.), hopefully that will take some of the strain off. There aren't any expensive foods that you need to buy. Just buy regular foods, but make them good sources of protein (cheese, chicken, heck, even lower fat lunch meat works!) or vitamins like fresh or frozen veggies and/or fruit. Take little baby steps, make your next meal a good one. We're here for you!! Michelle

Andrea, If only they could have also done some surgery on our brain as well as our stomachs. I, for one, feel in a constant struggle with myself. I am still not eating the "wrong" foods, but, find it quite difficult to control my amounts (I didn't think this would be a problem.) We got each other here to ask for help when we need it. This is a great tool to help out the surgical tool we have been given! Lori 384/272/170

Andrea, I really appreciate your honesty and glad that you came forward and posted this. You are right about the financial aspect of things. I initially thought that our costs would go down since Rich and I would eat so much less but with the added cost of protein supplements and vitamins - wow! I think it costs us more each month than before. There are definitely ways to save - buying multi-vitamins at Costco (get my chewables there), Trader Joes has low cost B12 sublinguals, etc. And there are cheaper protein powders available too. We buy in bulk (7 lb tub) and save that way plus we buy from the cheapest place I can find (one of which is allstarnutrition.com has some of the best prices on name brand proteins and a flat shipping price no matter how much you order and vitacost.com has great prices on vitamins and flat rate shipping too). It is never to late to use your tool. I honestly believe that. Any of us could make a fresh start at any point. As for weight loss, yes I profess a 100 lb loss but I had a 3 month jump start to the tune of 32 lbs. I had to have back surgery prior to WLS so I had 3 months prior to WLS to lose on my pre-op diet. In the 6.5 months since surgery, I've lost 68 lbs - fairly close to what you've lost, no? That is what I've lost by working my tool too. Exercise has been a bit sluggish for me due to other complications. Me thinks, I need to make a better commitment to that along side you! You are in my thoughts and prayers. You have all of us behind you rooting for you and we mean that sincerely. Kathy

Andrea, please don't beat yourself up. Like everyone has said, it is never too late to make a fresh start. You know, I also thought that I would be off my meds blood pressure by now, but I'm not. That's just the way it is, everyone is different. The way I am looking at it, I am fighting heredity. Generations, and generations of my family are all morbidly obese with heart disease, high blood pressure, diabetes, etc. It is easier for people who have diabetes or high blood pressure ONLY as a result of being overweight because when they drop the weight, the risk factors all disappear. But for some of us, it's in our genes, our cellular make-up, so it's going to take time but I am confident that it will happen eventually. The same will happen with you. It may take longer for our blood sugar and blood pressure problems to resolve, but they will... in due time. As for the financial aspect, I totally understand. I have one word... Walmart!!! Seriously, I get my vitamins, iron, calcium, B-12, and a few other supplements that I take separately (Biotin, Vit A, Vit C, Vit E) and they are lliterally a couple of bucks per bottle. In addition, I do have to say that I save a ton of money on lunch and snacks at work. I used to spend $8 to $10 dollars every day at work on breakfast, lunch, coffee, and snacks. That's $40 to $50 bucks per week that I am now saving. Plus, i don't buy fast food or chinese food, anymore and I only eat out once per month, whereas before surgery, it was once or twice per week. So, while I am spending a lot of money on Pro Stat and vitamins, overall, I am probably saving. It may not seem like it, but you may have similar savings. As for your surgeon, my co-worker had a similar experience. Her surgeon and nutritionist do not encourage her at all and they make her fel terrible every time she goes in for a visit. Her primary care doc told her to change bariatric docs for her after care. He actually recommended that she see my surgeon and nutritionist, who are wonderful. So if you're unhapppy with your doc, consider switching to another who can handle your aftercare. There's nothing wrong with doing that. Anyway, I will be lifting you up in prayer, Andrea. Losing 62 pounds in six months is quite an accomplishment. Not too many people can say that they have done that. Good luck! Hugs, Tracy