6 MONTHS AND VERY DEPRESSED

6 months on the losing side, I should be happy, but I am so depressed right now. I have to fight with the rest of my family just to have a meal. I didn't think it would come to this, but they just aren't understanding. I have friends that are 2 facing me and back stabbing me. I have always values my friendships, but they don't seem to have the same value. I just wish I had a friend that understood how I was feeling. I have been there for anyone that needed me and now I feel like no one is there for me. I don't know what else to say, I am just so frustrated with my whole life. If I could move out of the city I would bid it good riddens. I have nothing here anymore. I think the only thing keeping me here is my therapist, I really need him right now. I can't do this alone. I feel lonely 80% of the time, I guess maybe I am the bad person since no one wants anything to do with me. I have been trying to get into the Christmas spirit but I just can't. We don't have money to buy presents or make goodies for the rest of the family, of course why should I . I am so unappreciated, unwanted and sometimes feel unloved

I'm sorry you're feeling so lonely. I think sometimes "friends" prefer us when we're comfortably "in place" and if we squeeze out of THEIR comfort zone, we become a threat. As for family, well, what can I say? They're family... Please don't feel alone, though, that's what WE'RE here for and if nothing else, we all completely understand how you're feeling. Feel free to email me anytime if you just wanna chat. Becky

Becky, I think you spoke a true gem when you said ..." I think sometimes "friends" prefer when we're comfortably "in place" and if we squeeze out of THEIR comfort zone, we become a threat. " And how very true of some friends. It takes time to adjust to our changes and deal with whatever discomfort the changes have stirred up in THEM. ( which isn't our stuff...but theirs) ...but it's not to say that their reactions don't hurt and confuse us, and create uncomfortable distance, cuz they do. I also send my best wishes to S. Please keep coming back and share where you are in this journey. There is a wealth of support here to encourage and uplift each heart. Hang on you will make it thru. Mary

I'm sorry that your feeling this way but I understand. I was in a slump until lately, I just got fed up and snapped lol. I went off on a friend and told her to grow up, and made another mad bc I wouldn't baby her when she was sick. I use to be so caring and always the person to listen to them and help them and put my feelings and problems aside. Well I got sick of it and feel so much better. We maybe friends eventually or may not. Its their choice. Friends are hard but the family is harder. I chose not to tell my family maybe one day I will but not anytime soon. Friends well yea I told them, one of them is set on losing weight she is 5'4 and weighs 115 lbs then she got sick and lost 5 more lbs. Before that she lost 20 lbs bc I was losing. Glad she can lose easily but makes it known that I couldn't unless I had surgery. Things will get better and if they don't who needs them. I will pray for you. You will get outta this slump I did and you will. Sorry I went on and on about my friend. I don't have a friend that understands me either. So I rely on my husband. I so understand about the value of friendship it just means that they aren't really friends, my mama told me that you will learn you can't trust anyone almost. Not even family. I only really trust my mama and papa and hubby. Slim list huh. Your not a bad person. The reason ppl don't want anything to do w/you "As you put it" Not as others may say is because they are jealous that you are losing weight! And starting to look sexy, not that you weren't before. Jealously man its an ugly lil monster. They will get over it if not screw them. I don't have the money for presents either I told my family I was only getting my nephew something and they understand. If not oh well they can deal. I'm here if you need a friend even if its a long distance one. I feel like the ppl I talk to on here are better friends to me than the ones I have here. Things will start looking up. If you want I'm here!! HUGS ~April~ Lap Rny May 13, 2005 21 yrs old, 5'1 231 / 148 / 120

I find that lurking, reading and posting is one of the best ways to keep it all in perspective. My best friend has never been able to get over the whole thing. Others say it is a mix of jealousy, mouring and just plan meanness. Our relationship has hugely suffered and I just don't care. If someone can be so selfish to not see how wonderful this surgery has been for your life than screw 'em! (pardon my french but there is no other way to describe it. As far as your family it is mostly the same. You have spent forever doing whatever they wanted and needed. Never taking time for yourself and guess what...They liked it! After WLS we all have a boost to our self esteem. Luckily my DH has been very supportive but I do get the occassionaly jab about going to the gym and not cooking big carb filled dinners anymore. Unfortunetly short of disappearing in the middle of the night these people will always be around. So just come to the message board alot and dump your feelings on us...we can take it!! Best thoughts to you Slimming Spud Jen 243/169/140

I am so sorry you're having a rough time of things, SS. I echo everyone's sentiments here. It is hard for others who have not had the procedure to understand - especially family. Generally, family members often mean well, but they just don't always "get it." Loneliness is a felling that most obese people have felt at some point. It's especially hard around the holidays when everyone is soo happy - and financial problems only make it worse. You're not alone as many of us know how you feel. I am glad you have a therapist because talking through emotions is healthy. I will be praying for you. Hugs, Tracy

I am sorry to hear that you are so down. It is nice to have a friend to go through this with. My friend had her surgery a month after me and we hung out alot. Is there a support group you can go to maybe you can meet someone there, also ask your doc maybe there is someone else that they know who you could hang out with, support is so important! Cary