Stuck - long vent

Jasmina, All I can say to you is that I TOTALLY UNDERSTAND. Reading your post was just like reading my thoughts, only you had the courage to put it out there.

Hey Beejay, You did a lot right there just by acknowledging that you do the same things. we both know it's not the right way to do this.. shoot me an email and we can help each other. -Jasmina

Hi Becky, Thank you for your words.. sometimes a person just needs to hear the things they already know from somewhere else to make it real. I had to have this surgery because I couldn't do it on my own.. and that stands now too.. I can't do this on my own. I really appreciate all of your advice!!! Re-prioritizing is a big issue with me.. I tend to let other life stuff get in the way of taking care of myself the way I should. Take care, and have a great day! -Jasmina

If it hadnt been for the picture i could have sworn i wrote this post. Recently I have been very bad. I tried chocolate the other day and havent stopped "trying" I have gone back to old habits that are horrible. I am so mad at myself and think I will be back up to 317 again. I am hungry a lot. I know I am not eating right. Not enough protein or water. I will try harder!! I guess the best thing to do is wake up tomorrow and try harder. Good luck to you! Chris

Chris, I found out that sugar doesn't make me dump either, unfortunately. I was so hoping that I'd be one of those that got really sick when I ate the wrong thing, and now I'm finding that it takes a lot more will power than I was expecting to use! Thanks for stepping up and admitting that you feel similar to how I do.. email me and we can try to get each other back on track!!! -Jasmina

Jasmina It sounds like you know what you need to do, huh? But easier said than done. Your weight loss is nothing to sneeze at, you know. My biggest concerns is your not getting your protein, vits, etc. That's very dangerous. We just had a local support group member die at about 6 years out. She died of heart failure, a complication of problems from being malnutritioned - she used to talk all the time about how the first couple years she didn't get her protein in, vits, etc. By the time it became a problem, it was too late and she suffered poorer and poorer health for the next 4 years until she died. Protien: Without enough of it, you muscles will begin to waste away. Without them, you will become weak. Your heart's a muscle too - definately don't want your HEART wasting away. B-12 - Neuropathy - it's not pretty, google it. Other Vitamin deficiencies - again, google "vitamin deficiency". It's really scary. I'm not saying this stuff to be mean, but I'm truly worried about your long term health. Please take care of yourself! Maybe the best way to attack this is to take on one thing at a time. Make a list of where you need to improve (protein, vits, exercise, fluids), prioritize them, and then attack them one at a time. After you go a week or so getting one down, add the next thing to the list. Maybe it won't be so overwhelming that way. Nobody's perfect. I know I drink more caffiene than I should, occasionally eat too many carbs, haven't stuck to an real exercise routine for months, and I started smoking again. We're human and all we can do is do our best. Please stay on the boards so we can support and cheer you on! Becky

Becky, First of all, you look fantastic! Secondly, thank you for your concern. I know that I'm really only hurting myself in the end, possibly literally. I feel like I'm so weak for not being able to do the simplest of things, like take a vitamin. The things caused by vitamin deficiency are not those that I want to go through in order to convince myself that I should have started! While I also know that my loss so far isn't anything to be down about, I do have a few mental issues with seeing and accepting my loss. It's funny.. it almost sounds like I'm talking about a person I've lost.. but being heavy was my method of hiding. It WAS my life.. my defense.. my scapegoat for everything that was wrong in my life. Now I have to figure out who the heck *I* am without all of that.. not very easy!!!! So anyway, thanks for the help, and maybe I'll stop lurking so much and start posting more often. -Jasmina